A Prayer 5

Lord Jesus,

I can feel the cup is dry, Lord. That her spirit longs to be filled with the Holy Spirit, once again. That she longs for Your comfort and encouragement. That she wants to be assured of walking this challenging path that You've chosen for her. Father, it cannot be clearer that this challenge is how You want to shape our characters. You said you will not give us burden that is too big for us to carry. You know us best and You have our best interest at heart, for You are the creator of all things.

Father I want to put June into Your mighty hands, Lord. May You bless her with guidance and wisdom to complete her thesis. For all knowledge comes from You, what is more pleasurable than writing about our discoveries of Your creation? But Jesus, we want to search carefully for Your beauty, we want to report truthfully. Jesus, I pray that with every word she writes, she is going to bring glory unto Your name. May those who have eyes to read it, be blessed with her findings, and use it to further Your purpose in mankind for such discovery.

O Lord, strengthen her and bless her with the spirit of perseverance. It is through the Holy Spirit that we are strengthen, not with our own might. For it is in You, that the weak may be strong, that the poor may be rich. Fill her with joy and dignity to worship You, with everything she does. Fill her with passion to serve You, with good time management skill and self-discipline. Even at times of trouble and turbulence, Lord, may you bless her with peace in her heart, so that she can listen to Your word. Jesus, You calmed the storms. Lord, if this is Your will, calm the storm in June's heart as the deadline draws near. For we know that You are in charge.

Last but not least, Jesus, May June find refuge in Your love when she is heavy-hearted. May You be her Rock that she can lean on. Father, we don't ask for an easy way out, or a bed of roses. But we ask for our Lord to walk with us. We may not know how much gift and strength You've given us if we weren't pushed far enough. We may not see Your wonderful works and sing praises to You if we've missed out these things in life. You said: [Matthew 11:28-30]

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

and we want to wrestle with You for the things You've promised us. Because You are the living God, and so are Your Words.

Psalm 46

God is our refuge and strength,

an ever-present help in trouble.

Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way

and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,

though its waters roar and foam

and the mountains quake with their surging.

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,

the holy place where the Most High dwells.

God is within her, she will not fall;

God will help her at break of day.

Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;

he lifts his voice, the earth melts.

The Lord Almighty is with us;

the God of Jacob is our fortress.

Come and see the works of the Lord,

the desolations he has brought on the earth.

He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth;

he breaks the bow and shatters the spear,

he burns the shields with fire.

"Be still, and know that I am God;

I will be exalted among the nations,

I will be exalted in the earth."

The Lord Almighty is with us;

the God of Jacob is our fortress.

In Lord Jesus most precious name, Amen.

God's Work in Me, Me Working for God

Have you ever had something come up to you and you need to make a life changing decision? That you need to abandon everything you have established in a place and start a new life in another place? It's not exaggerating if you describe it as entering into a new world. Because everything there may be new to you, that you need to explore on your own, with no familiar faces around. I am thrilled at the opportunity, but apparently exploration per se is not what contribute to my decision when I'm settling down for a career.

I always wanted to work for people in need, maybe for the government. People always complain that the government servants are slow and inefficient (Of course I understand there are limitation and grey areas in it, that is why sometimes it is not for the outsiders to judge, you know). Maybe how I can make a difference, is knowing that by complaining alone is not going to help, but by joining the work force and change it inside out is. Jun Ling has inspired me to do so soon as she's graduated, and she still cheerfully holds on to the same view point even after she's worked in a government hospital for two years.

I received a job offer before I could attend the interview for Suruhanjaya Perkhidmatan Awam (SPA). Yes, from the interview I told you previously. It strucks me that, that's it, I'm hired. As long as I say Yes to them, I will be on my way, making a living on my own, that... I'll become a working adult. Wow! Haha! Yet, I wonder if that is what I want - the nature of the job and the quality of life which follows. I cannot tell you publicly which company is that, and maybe not the offers, too. But well, it's something challenging enough to move me out of my comfort zone at the beginning of it, yet laid back enough to have some time for myself and strike the balance between work and life (I suppose).

And I wonder if I still can meet my purpose of serving the public if I work for the private sector instead of the government. It's the same healthcare sector, diagnosing diseases through laboratory investigation. Well, I think it doen't matter if I am not necessarily serving a large crowd. As long as I am there to serve God's purpose, I will know it is the best thing ever.

Oh, let me share with you how I landed myself with this interview. It is really interesting.

So, as a Biomedical Science student, I've heard of this lab ever since we asked our seniors where could we possibly work at after graduation. It's just like some IT students must have heard of Intel or something. There was this one fine day, I took a taxi back from church. That taxi driver was a very friendly old man. He told me about his family, how he's retired and now his children are all working, and he decided to drive a taxi around to fill his spare time after retirement. He talked about his son, who graduated from UPM Biomedical Science and now working in a laboratory nearby the area. I was surprised. So I asked if he's got vacancy in his place, and probably I could give it a try. And instantly he picked up his phone and called his son!

After confirming that they are indeed looking for people now, I took his son's number and ask for email address to send resume as I reached hostel. After a week or so, i received a call for interview before my exam, as how I've told you in previous post. After rushing here and there, the interview's over, and now I'm offered a job. It all happens in less than a month! Tell me God's hand is not in this matter. I mean, it is SO OBVIOUS that God has granted me favour in this whole event that I must share it here. That is why I am a bit confused now. If God has delivered me through all this, could it be this is what God has planned for me?

Pray for me, will you? That I will know the direction God wants me to go, and be obedient enough to follow Him. Kooi Cia says if I find peace in the decision I make later, chances are that is what God's plan for me :) I am looking forward to have the peace with the Lord.

Love Supplier

The more you care about someone, the easier you get upset by the little mistakes they did. But love is not easily angered, and keeps no record of wrong. Loving someone is not just a split second emotion, but should be permanent. Because if it is the former, it doesn't need any effort to maintain it and just base on mere feeling, it is not love. 

It is really difficult to really, really love someone.

But if God could love me despite of my sins, thus I shall ask Him for limitless supply of love, to love the people around me, including that someone who upset me because I care for him too much.

Or maybe I shouldn't even give him any special attention anyway. What am I doing?! *slap forehead*

raise your chin and smile

If only you'd look past the grey clouds ahead of you even if it's gigantic, you'd still see green grass and rainbow await. 

Or maybe cute guys. 

Have faith. Pray and wait upon God's grace, for He will deliver us through.

Thank you, Lord, for delivering me through the writing phase of my thesis. It's a miracle that I can complete it, and not just handing it in on time, but a few days before the deadline! Apparently I didn't do it with my might alone, for surely Your holy hand has blessed me throughout.

Spiritual Orgasm

Why do I have to prove to you that my religion is real? I don't care if yours are anyway. Because religion is a personal beliefs. Hence I don't mind if you'll never understand or agree with what I believe in. Because I believe it's by God's grace to open your heart to accept Him when His time comes. Even if you don't believe that (my) God does exist, I.don't.care! Because it's enough that I believe in Him. BUT, never go beyond the freedom of expression by criticising other religions which you never able to make sense of. Because it only shows how shallow and ignorant you are, by generalising the whole picture. I won't hate you. Why would I go agianst God's order to not to hate just because someone said something less intelligent?

You know what does it mean by asking:" So what is your faith?" It means irregards of everything in the world that has or yet to happen, you will still hold strong to certain principles that define your life. We don't need explaination to tell us why it is better to do this or that, or, CANNOT do this or that. Simply because I believe that (my) God does exist, AND if He said so, hence it has got to be real. Period. Don't use your judgement to judge my religion and laugh at my practice. Because as a non-believer, you will never understand how awesome it is like to be able to follow what my God says.

Lord, thanks for helping me to know what exactly I do look forward to work as in the (near) future. It means a lot to me to know and be sure about it. I really want THAT kind of job.

Now I got to work really hard to make sure I am good enough for it. May it be a big enough inspiration for me to really make You proud of me this time. Please Lord. Give me strength and wisdom.

A Prayer 4

Dear Lord, I thank you for this day. I thank You for my being able to see and to hear this morning. I'm blessed because You are a forgiving God and an understanding God. You have done so much for me and You keep on blessing me. Forgive me this day for everything I have done, said or thought that was not pleasing to you. I ask now for Your forgiveness. 

Please keep me safe from all danger and harm. Help me to start this day with a new attitude and plenty of gratitude. Let me make the best of each and every day to clear my mind so that I can hear from You.

Let me not whine and whimper over things I have no control over. Let me continue to see sin through Your eyes and acknowledge it as evil. And when I sin, let me repent, and confess with my mouth of my wrongdoing, and receive forgiveness. 

And when this world closes in on me, let me remember Jesus' example -- to slip away and find a quiet place to pray.. It's the best response when I'm pushed beyond my limits. I know that when I can't pray, You listen to my heart. Continue to use me to do Your will. 

Continue to bless me that I may be a blessing to others. Keep me strong that I may help the weak. Keep me uplifted that I may have words of encouragment for others. I pray for those who are lost and can't find their way. I pray for those who are misjudged and misunderstood. I pray for those who don't know You intimately. I pray for those who will delete this without sharing it with others. I pray for those who don't believe. But I thank you that I believe.

I believe that You change people and You change things for good reasons. I pray for all my sisters and brothers. For each and every one of my family members and friends and their families . I pray for peace, love and joy in their homes that they are out of debt and all their needs are met. 

I pray that every eye that reads this knows there is no problem, circumstance, or situation greater than You. Every battle is in Your hands for You to fight. I pray that these words be received into the hearts of every eye that sees them and every mouth that confesses them willingly.. 

This is my prayer.

In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Fear Not but for the Lord

Humans have fear. Fear sometimes holds us back, or pushes us forward. But if we were to identify our fear factor and the main reason we have such fear, we might be able to overcome the fear and move on. On a positive side, fear exists to make us think twice before acting, to ensure we're on the right track. But sometimes we pondered for too long and we spent too much time hesitating on our next move that we're stunted from growing. Fear mainly due to the sense of insecurity, sometimes due to anticipation of bad consequences, and many other reasons.

Insecurity due to lack of understanding towards a particular object are the main reason why we're afraid of a lot of things in our life. Such as the lack of understanding towards snakes, snails, crocoaches, directions, escalator, autoclave, replacing light bulbs, frogs, water, blood, and etc. Thus it has hindered a lot of us from exploring new things in our life - jungle trekking, research, travelling, close contact with snakes and frogs.

The sense of insecurity also includes how we're afraid of what other people think of us judging by the way we behave. We feel insecure if they have negative impression on us, and it may in turn affects the current relationship we have - with discrimination, alienatation, public humiliation and etc. And we're afraid of loosing our dignity, pride and reputation, where our glossy image is tainted by judgemental comments. Together with lack of confidence in oneself, one may not dare to start a conversation with strangers, camwhore, or express oneself freely altogether.

Fear also due to the bad consequences we anticipate may or may not occur, and how these consequences may affect our daily activities. One example is the fear of having halucination after watching horror movie, that one may not dare to enter toilet cubicle at night, or look into the mirror while brushing teeth. Or one might be afraid of height and dare not go above level 4 in a building, the level where all the goodies are on sale *ahem*. One may fear to look into the deep dark eyes for fear of what one anticipated to find - ignorance, hatred, dissapointment, demand, discrimination and etc.

To overcome fear, we have to be able to recognise and acknowledge its existence, and then the reason for such feeling. By doing so, we learn how to overcome it by hitting the right spot - either increasing one's understanding towards such fear, or convince oneself that others' opinion don't really matter much in things which doesn't concern them. To identify the reason for insecurity or how the bad consequences may affect us, we have to really think what matters to us more - such as our pride VS freedom to express ourselves, right to experience new things VS comfort zone.

It is sad to know sometimes we've been hold back by our fears so much that we didn't go far enough to prove a point, or to experience the wonders in life. Fear for nothing but the Lord,

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit
of power, of love and of self-discipline.

[2Timothy 1:7]

Smile,
Cher Linn

Price tag

Do you know how much you're cost?

You cost as much as the LIFE of God's only Son.

How much is that, exactly?

Priceless.

Not the cost of a Swatch limited edition Valentine's watch, nor the cost of space exploration spent by Malaysian government not long ago. Someone thinks you are His world. He dies for you because He loves you that much. He exchanged His life for your eternal life in heaven. He drained his blood to cleanse your sin, even if you don't confess you have any.

There's no accident in God's plan. Everything happens for a reason and happens on time, at the right time, right place, to the right people.

There is no accident in God's creation. You are His 100% perfect product. Those limitations and weaknesses we experience are there to make our life worth living. And for everything you do according to His will, shall be His proudest moment to watch you grow.

How much should one pay to take your life? He has to ask God himself.

Is there anyone have the right to take away your life?

No, not even yourself, for you can't name the price, too. But only God can do so, for He created you and pay for what it takes to make sure you are living with Him in heaven after life.

Is there anyone have the right to look down on you?

No, for you are not living for that bunch of people. You are living for God, and God will never belittle you, for He has great plan for us. Follow God, and you have every reason to smile =)

Can we reach God without Jesus?

No. Only in Jesus name we are saved. I challenge you to ask Him to show you, for this is the way I believe He is the living God.

Is God real at the first place?

Yes. He doesn't need scientific proof to show that He is here. Because He is more than just science. He is more than what human brain can comprehend and appreciate. Again, I challenge you to ask Him to show you. You can't deny it when you see things happen right in front of you.

Unbelievable? Believe Him =) Rejoice, folks!

Christmas Gift

Dear Santa:

This year’s Christmas will be my second meaningful Christmas. Though I didn’t quite celebrate it last year, but I think being at home will be the best gift for every Christmas, including and especially this year’s.

There was this Pre-Worlds Debate Tournament held in Nanyang Technology University in Singapore. We’d received their invitation around October and (myself specifically)decided to attend it since then, despite my no-experience-in-leading-a-debate-team-to-neighbour-country-ness, and directionless-ness, with my passport status still questionable.

The tournament was happening on 22nd – 23rd Dec 2007, the weekends before Christmas. Though we can’t expect a white Christmas in Singapore, but I believe it’ll be quite an experience for us in the debating team. Another international debating tournament and we can spend our time visiting Singapore during Christmas.

Some personal reasons why I wanted to go there so badly is not only because it’ll be a great chance for me to learn different debating styles and watch some higher level debates, but it’s also some diplomatic reasons.

I’ve met some debaters from NTU during my Australs this July. They are friendly and good debaters, too. At least we remember each other’s name and we still keep in touch on Facebook after Australs. I get to know this tournament through Neha. Hence, this was my diplomatic and friendship part of the reason to go there.

Since we are not going for Worlds in Assumption University in Thailand due to some bureaucracy mistakes , I hope at least I can go for this Pre-Worlds during my holiday, to keep myself from rusted. Without further doubt, I posted the invitation letter on our yahoogroup and waited for people to join me in this.

At first, I told NTU committee that we’ll be sending 2 teams and 1 adjuds there. Later, as more and more people wanted to go, I inform NTU again that we’ll be sending 4 teams and 3 adjuds. It was double the amount. I felt like giving them a high hope that we’re so supportive of their tournament. And the number kept increasing – even after the registration date and we have to pay extra for the late-registered names. All these became like a false hope to them when finally UKM decided not to give us money for it.

To cut the story short, my parents were quite unhappy when I insisted to go alone. I felt the responsibility to go because UKM team which were suppose to be consisted of 5 teams and 4 adjuds had shrinked to …none? I thought at least we have to send a representative. However, I decided to pull out last minute when I decided it won’t do me any good to go there and face the odds alone, as my return ticket was not yet guaranteed and I might end up no place to stay because it’s near Christmas. I gave up and I thought I heard a voice inside me said I’ve made the right decision.

I spent the rest of my holiday at home, reading Sophie Kinsella (Undomestic Godness), my all time favourite author for feminine fiction now, playing online Scrambles at Facebook (Gosh, I totally hooked on it!) and watching TV to a lesser extent.

I have no mood to update my blog because I wasn’t quite in the mood to talk about my disappointment regarding this NTU issue. Now I understand how the Worlds issue mentioned above has hit Jun Hoe badly and (correct me if I’m wrong) demotivated him. The bad news of no funding from UKM has hit my severely and I felt all my anticipation and preparation were wasted. It thoroughly threw me down from the mountain of hope and crushed my spirit for debate. At that instant I really lost hope in UKM and future debate tournaments. I doubt if they will continue to support us for coming tournaments. I doubt if we will continue to fight for UKM reputation as hard as we did in previous tournaments. I doubt if the debating team has the same high spirit for debate as we used to.

Come to think of it now, again, I can see things happened for a reason. If not because of unsupportive-ness from UKM (yet, I’m still sooo not going to thank them for this), I wouldn’t spend my Christmas at home. I wouldn’t have time to laze at home and finished my Sophie Kinsella my sister bought me and my friend, Sheue Fen brought me from UK. I don’t have debate trainings up till mid night and it was an enjoyable read – my real holiday. And the most important part is: I’m at home with my family =)

With this, I pray that my gift this year is to see everyone have a Blessed, Merry Christmas. I thank God for all the decisions He guided me to make and I’ll always trust God to lead me to the correct path. Whenever you have doubt or indecisive, ask God! Tell Him your problem and listen to Him, He’ll show you to way to life. This time, I’ve never felt so peaceful in my heart after the decision - to decide between debate or not debate. It’s my first time to give up debate. And I’ve made a right choice by listening to God.

clashes

God, You rock!

well, just something to share here about God's answer to my prayer again. i know it's God's answer because it is kinda a miracle too.

Previously, my debating trainings or tournaments always clash with my church activities, services, or even my Christian Fellowship's activities, due to the fact that most people are free on weekends, that's the best time to get people to come for some trainings (i personally take tournaments as trainings). the thing is, the basic thing as a follower of Christ is to attend church. Some people may say it's not a sin if you don't attend church. But to me, attending church and listening to sermon is important, for that's when your heart is not listening attentively to God's voice in your heart, He'll put it in an audible way, cakap terang-terang and get the message across. That's why i'd try to sleep early on Saturday night and drag myself up every Sunday morning to attend church service.

The thing is, i also view debate training very important to me too. Continuous reading on issues sure help a lot, but the saying of "practice makes perfect" still proven standing. i really need a lot of practices to speak in front of my seniors to let them correct me, method and manner wise. How my speech structure is, how my facial expression and gesture are, etc. maybe one can record his or her own speech and play it back, to correct oneself, or look at the mirror while giving a speech. something are lacking here : how well you co-operate with others? how your real performance is when you are disturbed by your jumping-up-and-down opponents who want to ask POV (point of view). it's too much to work alone. i need real people to practise with. besides, i miss those people there, although i will have to travel that far to Bangi for training...

My problem is, everytime it really clashes with activities which will help me grow spiritually. every training or tournament sure clashes with those activities. i've been asking God a lot of time why these things happened, and it appeared that God continue to challenge me on which one i choose, Him or debate. i picked debate, everytime... At the same time, i also asked God's direction, because although i chose debate rather than the activities, He still showed His great mercy on me in my debating life. such as easy opponents during match-ups in Royals. there's once also during the Royal tournament, i was asking God about this same question until i came across this sentence in Bible : ..."Do not be afraid; keep on speaking, do not be silent. For i am with you, and no one is going to attack and harm you, because i have many people in the city." [ACTS 18:9-10]. i was doing my daily Bible reading and the instant i came to this sentence, it just struck me that it's God showing me sign. It's hard to explain, but i really felt that Jesus is talking to me with His word ( He said this to Paul. ) i kept repeating the sentence. "Do not be afraid; keep on speaking..." i told myself. Yes, God, i won't stop speaking. i'll strive harder to become a good debater. i'll make You proud and i want to proove that You bless Your children in every way, even in debating! You've made me in this way at the first place. You've led me into UKM English Debating Team ever since i enter this university.

But the problem of clashes still happened. i became confused. i've been giving up chance to know God better, but He still bless me in debate... i know something wrong here. i prayed about it again. then here comes, a speedy answer too. i was suppose to attend this IIU open on last weekend 20-21 jan. then Jun Hoe who had contacted IIU people said that it's better for us to attend the coming rounds, which are on 24-25 feb and 3-4 mac. CF camp was on 20-21 jan... it clashed. at first i didn't think of going to that camp is because i have no money. although it's only RM50 per person and it's in Pulau Pangkor!! such a great place with fabulous price! another reason that pulled me back is my study. now the debating team is planning to have training once every fort night. so that very weekends suppose i'm free, should use it for my studies or clear up stuff for other activities. then came the x factor : I AM SICK. yea, am. i'm still having cough and flue, with occassional sneezing. The sore throat period had finally passed.

Anyway, come back to the clashes. So, this is the first time they didn't clash! too bad i attended neither. i went to starbuck to search for information for my assignments. i have 2 assignments at hand. thank God for the fast wireless there, i enjoyed my surf that saturday afternoon.

Then on Sunday morning, i received a message from Jerry, the one in-charge of our debate training this weekend. He's the one prefers to have it on Sunday, as well as most of the people. i was very surprise to get him informing me that the coming training will be on Saturday!! Again, they didn't clash! i can attend the training then the next day i still attend church service! at least, this time i'm more willing to travel to Bangi :)

Then on wed, I received a message from stella saying that we managed to get a van from UKM, even without a letter to support as a proof of our “legal” training, haa. That’s great.

God, i know You really care... i'm touched because You have shown me great mercy and grace. i want to thank You sincerely and want to tell the world, starting from this blog. May those with eyes can read. Amen.