Ugly

Because what you should be afraid of, is not your friends seeing the less-than-pretty-by-your-standard pictures of you on Facebook, and judge you silently in their heads, or even talk and laugh about you. Instead, you should be afraid of making friends with people who cannot accept you after seeing the less-than-perfect side of you.

Friends, who after seeing the worst of you, still love you as you are. Generally people do not expect the ugly side of you, but it's only friends who after seeing it, they would know that it's just you being yourself. Friends, who do not agree with you for many, many things, but would still respect your opinion. It may take a life time to understand a person. But the least of all, is to have a person goes so low that he dares not tell you right at your face what he thinks about you yet talks about you at your back. And then pretends nothing ever happens.

There's a friend I trust deeply. I gave him all my secrets. I told him all the nasty things I've done. I told him my concerns and worries. I showed him my ugliest and weakest sides. He could be emotionless and annoyingly logical most of the time, but he never leaves me alone. There was only once that he scolded angrily at me. He was angry at me because he was worried about me after I told him what I've done.

Give me the world, but I'd rather abandon it if it's without this friend in it.

Heels Don't Kill

Since Monday, when I'm feeling optimistic, I thought I walk like a very demure girl; otherwise, I thought I walk like an old lady.

But no, my colleague just broke it to me: macam robot la!

Thanks to the pair of new, deceivingly-pretty heels. It's either you be their friends, or let them torture you. They don't kill like terrorists do.

*ouch*ouch*ouch*

You paham?

It's easy for you to ask someone to do the supposedly most beneficial thing when you're in the majority.

Like how the French were just stupid to impose laws unto Muslim women not to wear veil because of how the majority might feel against them. It might be true that they feel disturbed seeing women clad in cloths all over. But it's not the Muslim's fault that they feel it this way. I'd say it's only human nature to see something out of the norm. But because the people who are against the veil are the majority, they have the say, and who cares about the minority? Even if it's nothing to do with the religion, that's not right to decide how a person should or should not dress herself up. Who are you, fashion police?

At the same time we have Muslim women who don't wear headscarf. The principles behind religious practices are not easily comprehended sometimes. But one must know that the least of all, it's not you who decide how to interprete the scripture, but let the scripture itself leads you to understanding a religion. You don't get to choose which part of the scripture you'd like to believe, which you wouldn't. God is not someone you believe in the way you wish Him to be, but He is someone you have to believe even if you haven't really understand Him, yet. In fact, nobody can fully understand God. He is too smart :)

Or the way you want to abolish sekolah Jenis on the grounds that they breed racial seggregation. Or the way you want everyone to only speak BM on the basis that every Malaysian should speak national language to show our patriotism. But that's exactly how you're missing out the point. Because it so happen that BM is your mother tongue, you don't feel the hit when one is asked not to speak the language he grows up with. Not simply because you have yet to know the beauty of other mother tongues in this land. In fact, Mandarin, Tamil and other languages are no longer the total mother tongue of a Malaysian in this generation now. Because we grow up speaking rojak to everyone. There's a bit BM in the Penangite's Hokkien and Teochew, a bit English in our BM, a bit Hokkien in BM. And only Malaysians say "-la". The best way to ask a person to understand the feel of cutting one's mother tougue from his lips, is to ask him not to sound like a Malaysian.

OK, buat kerja.

random pictures

1. Swimming pool in Vistana

2. Various coloured paper stripes in random order, before a "big project" sequel.

3. One of the cards I made this week. Why does inspiration always come at night? *panda eyes*

4. The Simpsons

Come Hell or High Water, or, Monday.

Just a quick post.

It's been on my mind for more than a month now, though no doubt I've shared it with some of my close friends about it. That I am sure it must be God's plan all along. It's like the debate about whether or not it was, after all, God's plan that Judas betrayed Jesus, that Jesus knew it all along hence that's why He was very troubled about it that He was in anguish as He prayed [Luke 22:42] "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.". Or, otherwise. It doesn't mean I now think it's a right thing to be done, though. Anyway..

It's really like shower of blessings, over and over again. Like a huge, month-long celebration that as if finally I've made a right choice which is pleasing to God's eyes. Only recently that I feel the ride has slowed down a little. It's like God saying, OK, you've had enough fun now, haven't you? It's time to get back to Work.

It aches me to think about the disaster during the past weekend. But, if it's God's will that I receive what I do not deserve, I guess the celebration mentioned above were more like a farewell for me. It's just that, we're having so much fun with each other around that we didn't notice it's a farewell. It might be a good thing, after all.

And oh, Nar is back to Malaysia from Nepal for another year.

And I'm going to laugh at myself, real hard, and calculate 1 to the power of a fifth for the 700th time. And I bet Jun Hoe will no longer reply with nice words to my messages about how I screw up (and still get what I long for). Thank God I still have Xu Vin :)

But I'd rather it's meant to be a farewell than just a celebration, so that when it's here, nobody will have time to be sad, if anyone would. I'd rather Jun Hoe does the above, and the only reason I am going to wish for that is because I no longer need to send him those messages to begin with. I'd rather the whole world to laugh with me, at myself. I really, really.. wish I could have done better... sigh, let's not think about it now. I need loads of prayer and favor from God.