Friday, May 29, 2009

And then...

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Mum said:

"Maybe it's time for you to look around for your significant other."

owasdalmcvcitebmz aoibmgAsDAGVG,GBo4230gdmvo qwk0ktp,v;l,bnxidj39tjh ???!!!!

Haha, I was only about to start my working life...

Wednesday, May 27, 2009


It was a thrill to explore the new place. I met a lot of people, and had one stranger turned into a friend. I see a little more of the outside world. To know what I like and what I don't.

At first I was happy for the change. But eventually I realise that I didn't really welcome the influence anymore. It makes me unhappy even to do the things I once enjoyed doing.

It is more important for me to keep the love for the past time than to keep in touch with the new world. Hence I decided to leave.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

I fell for a married man

Yes I did. I mean, am.

For the first time I saw him, my heart stopped. The world became silent. His eyes spoke a thousand words to me, then I got drunk, without the help of double shot of Smirnoff. His smile was lethal. It captured my wandering mind and injected a deadly shot of American Idol addiction into me. Or maybe just addiction to him.

I am was never an American Idol (AI) fan. I had never sat in front of the screen long enough to finish a round of the contest. Everyone was talking about how intense the showdown was during the Grand Finale of Season 7, between the two talented and well-loved Davids. I gave a glimpse to David Archuleta, and noticed that he has very cute smile. And I walked off. That was all my AI frenzy, if it was considered as one.

As I got back Penang, I decided to give AI one more try, because apparently I have all the time in the world to do something which I usually don't have the time for. It so happened that the show was on when I was doing channel surfing. I gasped as I saw this charming smile of Kris Allen on the screen. HOT that my TV nearly got exploded! And the show just ended. I made a note to myself that I will catch the next appearance of him on screen.

And I did some background check on that fella. He's from Conway, Arkansas, 23-year-old Christian worship leader in his church, who is majoring in business studies in University of Central Arkansas. He arranges songs into his own styles, sings to reach out and dazzle the audiences, plays guitar, piano, keyboard, and viola. He is shy and humble and such a boy next door! But too bad he's married to his girlfriend of seven years. His voice is comfortable and he sings into everyone's heart. He also has the unexplainable attractiveness which makes no one can take his or her eyes off him.

It also always occurs to me that his competitor from San Diego, California - Adam Lambert, is an outstanding performer, quite obviously to be honest. No one can miss this 26-year-old contestant's high-pitched vocal ability, the ever perfect superstar charismatic moves on the stage (thanks to his experience with theatre and choir during high school, and as a stage actor since young, maybe?) , and the eyeliner ;-) Speaking of aura as an artist, Adam surely has what it takes to be a shining star - confidence, talent, perseverance, handsome and consistently awesome performance to make everyone goes enchanted.

But what is lacking in Adam, yet is found in Kris, is the ability to connect with the audience. What Paula said during the Grand Final about Kris was right - the ability to connect with the audience, as if he was singing to oneself only. When it comes to picking your idol, or the idol for your country, which one will you choose? The one who seems as if he's borned to be IN the spotlight, with his talents casting out doubts about him being crowned as the last one standing, or the one who is well gifted with the art of music and comfortable voice which melts your heart? 

Never mind about the aura and charisma of being a superstar or an artist. Adam could be a great performer, but so what? Kris has what it takes to be one's Idol. Adam could be astonishing, but what makes the entertainment business, is the performance of an artist who can keep the audiences' interest, by connecting to them, and be their real hearthrob. If being an artist was to entertain the audience with one's own style, what could be more important than the ability to dazzle the latter with his songs to give the sense of ultimate closeness and belonging? Being an idol is not just being outstanding with extraordinarily splendid performances, but being one everybody looks up to, to locate the insipration and find refuge in music, the familarity of standing on the ground, just like a boy next door ;-)

p/s: And please, you Adam Lambert's fans, let's face it, Adam's defeat was not because of "Christians" votes to Kris. You can't blame anybody for Adam's inability to make one feels connected to him, and of course, this has nothing to do with Adam being *cough* gay *cough* as well. Alright, maybe with his eyeliner.

Check out also, Jun Hoe's post

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Snail Mail

It is a term used for mails sent by postman, through manual delivery system, after Internet and email system has been invented. Don’t quote me for that, for I am not sure if it is true. But it does occur to me as such, because before the invention of the latter, all mails were sent manually. It took weeks or months for a letter, card or parcel to arrive, and hence communication between mankind via this system were very slow, not forgetting that papers and ink were expensive back then.

Through ages of advancement in science and technology, transportation system has improved tremendously, allowing mails to be sent at a greater speed to recipients. Together with the break through in information technology, the invention of Internet and emailing system provide an alternative method of communication – a method which does not need a postman in the process of message delivery for long distance communication.

No doubt it has improved the connectivity between mankind, and speed up the necessary interactions between human. The latter even makes businesses dealt more speedily, exchanging knowledge and information in matters of seconds, and many more benefits which result in the society we have today – fast paced and tightly knitted social networks. On the other hand, mails which are not delivered by this system are termed snail mail, simply because the latter process takes longer time than the emailing system to achieve the same purpose in communication.

It leaves one wonders if one day the snail mail will totally be replaced by the more popularly favoured emailing system. The latter is fast, accurate and convenient. While the former, it’s relatively slower, efficiency depends heavily on the officers in a post office, weather, dogs along the way, and many more factors. Will the people still use the slower system to send a message across, risking the mail to be lost some where on the way to the recipient?

The answer is Yes. And it always will be. There are messages important enough to be hand-written down by the sender herself, revealing her upmost sincerity and emotions through every alphabet.

And sometimes, pictures.

The authenticity of a card written all over with one’s own handwriting, with every careful stroke of the pen landed on the paper tells how much a person has been terribly missed, the uncontainable excitement while imaging her friend receiving it with surprise, the joy while inserting the envelope-full of love into the mailbox, the anxious wait for her friend’s reply after trusting the postman will deliver the mail, and the cycle repeats. 

Technology does make things happen at lightning speed, with shortening the agony of anxious waits as the main benefit. But doesn’t the wait strengthen the faith we have in the relationship between friends? Will one not be thrilled to know someone spent TIME picking a card, writing a letter for him or her, take the trouble to send it (across the South China Sea) via snail mail?

I am thrilled to receive Xu Vin’s card today. Thank you dear :-)

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Rotting, a sinfuly comfortable process

I know, I know, I haven't been blogging as religiously as a nobloglergic should. I am not going to give excuses, too ;p 

Here are some short updates of my current status before I blog about something else, if I can manage two posts tonight, without missing some TV shows or sofa time with my books.

I went for the SPA interview last Thursday, but it didn't went as well as I had hope it would. Basically the main questions revolved around if I would love to serve the government in a hospital diagnostic laboratory 30 years down the road, and what do I know about being a government servant, the perks, the responsibilities and etc. Honestly, I have given all my heart to the Underwriter job I told some of you about, and it's difficult for me to tell them convincingly that I love to work in a laboratory anymore. But I had a great time catching up with my friend who was also there for the same interview with me :)

On the same day, I handed in my thesis hard cover to the office, and dealt with the (hopefully) last red tape stuff involve as a soon-to-be graduate. In the very evening, was also my last day working in the restaurant I told you guys about, instead of the next day. Because my manager told me that they've had enough people on Friday. I was cool with it, because I couldn't stand any longer with the ramdom guests I face every night because there was a dinner with Jerry and the rest on Friday evening, before I leave KL for Penang on Saturday afternoon.

Right now I'm rotting at home, procrastinating my blog updates. I do have a few topics in mind, most of them are already half way in research and could be posted soon. Some are new spur of ideas, waiting to be polished and elaborated nicely before publishing. If you were to ask what exactly am I doing at home, I'd say, reading, TVs, waiting for result of THE interview through calls, looking out for more career options, Facebook a little (It slows my connection down! I should visit it less.) and gazing at the night sky, doing absolutely nothing at all for 5 minutes a day, like I promised myself previously. Night sky in Penang can't be the prettiest, but it's the one I love most :)

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Benefit of Doubt

For those who have known me for a long time, maybe you'd know that sometimes, I'm too naive a person. Sad to say, I have yet to learn how to master the skill to trust the right person, and set off the alarm when someone with evil intention get close. I have yet to realise how it will lead me to be a victim over and over again, of those who take advantage of others' genuine empathy.

I was holding a pack of dinner treated by my friend from my work place. My friend is a trainer there, and he has free trainer meal every week. This is my final week working there, and he insisted that he wanted to treat me. I was a little hungry, too. I had my dinner at 4:50pm, right before I start my shift from 5pm till 10pm. 

As I was approaching the exit of KLCC after work, there was this Chinese man from China approached me, and asked if I understand Mandarin. I am aware that sometimes tourists come across unfriendly Malaysians and have bad impression about us. So I was just trying to be nice, and see if I could help him to find his way. Kevin says I am already sort of living in KLCC anyway.

However, he was not looking for direction. He was asking me to lend him some money. He said he needed some money to buy food. Instantly I felt that he must be starving because all the shop had closed by this time (10:30pm). Then I offered him the meal my friend treated me. I thought it was a good solution-met-problem match. He needed food, I had food which I did not desparately need.

At first he turned it down, and still asked for money. He tried to give me his name card, and convince me that he will be around town for a few days and the next day he could have enough money to pay me back or treat me a meal already. It never occurred to me that I wanted him to pay me back if I had decided to lend him money. I have a traumatizing past experience with creepy stranger just because I was also only trying to be nice.

Eventually he told me that he needed money also for transport and accommodation for a night. I realised that he was asking for more now, and I apparently don't have enough money for all that. So I told him I don't have that much money with me. Then he asked me how much did I have with me. I knew I have RM70 plus because I counted it earlier to make sure I have extra money for my SPA interview tomorrow - traveling there, food and etc. But I mumbled I only have RM20. Honestly, that was the amount I would be lending/giving him should I had decided to trust him.

Thank God that I am a decidophobe. It took me a while to hesitate. There was once a motorist approached me at a bus stop, telling me that his bike has broken down, and needed some money to get his bike to repair. There was no ATM machine around, obviously. He asked for RM18. I handed him RM20. And I felt happy after that, like a cheerful giver. It never occurred to me that I wanted to have his contact number so that I could get my money back, too. I thought this time will also be the same. Someone who's desparate enough to ask for money, in the centre of a big city, at night. I can relate very well how one would feel lonely and helpless when he doesn't have enough money with him. I thought I could afford to help.

Back to the Chinese guy. So, he said, RM20 is good enough. He tried to convince me that his father will be picking him up tomorrow and he will have enough money to pay me back. I wasn't even thinking about how he is going to pay me back, because I had not even done deciding whether or not to trust him yet. And Jun Hoe's advices hit me: that not to trust strangers too easily because they are strangers after all, and when it is needed, we have to learn to say NO and be firm on our own stand.

When I finally managed enough courage to tell him that I don't want to lend him money irregards of the amount (because I couldn't get over the fact that I lied to him about the RM20), he turned his attention to the food I offered and he turned down just now. He asked, "So this is food?" And since then, I started to hesitate if I wanted to give him that too. Because it costs RM25+, which is a little too luxury for a dinner. Actually, it means more than RM25 to me, for the apparent reason - it's a treat from my friend! He wanted me to enjoy it because we probably won't be seeing each other much after this Friday!

He then grabbed the food from my hand, and when I had not done deciding if I should give him the food, he said it's alright, he would take the food instead. @!$@#%$#5 ?!! It was MY food, hello?! But it was me who offered it just now, as I tried to avoid involving money in this case. And I started anew to decide if it was alright to give him the food because he might need it more than I did, even if he could be lying about his no-money status. And a small voice inside me told me that: "Let it go, maybe he is really desparate. It's only food. You feel heavy-hearted just because it is fancy food, not because you need it to survive. You have enough money to afford some buns from the hostel cafe later and you should be thankful for that. You should just let the miserable and decidophobia-enhancing moments end here and get back hostel immediately before the curfew."

So I let it go, and the Chinese guy thanked me, though I wasn't even listening to him already. I couldn't hear anything around me as I saw him walked away, with the Chicken Crisper. I knew the food will go down to someone's stomach, which, serves the purpose of filling the hunger. I wanted to believe that it would serve a bigger purpose should someone needed it more than I did could have it. I tried to think that, maybe Nar would be happy too, that his food went to someone who would receive it gratefully.

But deep down I wasn't feeling happy. I felt that I failed terribly to defend myself - so terrible that even a stranger could push me around like that. I was frustrated with myself for not being able to be firm with my own mind. I understand that I absolutely had the right to say NO and let that Chinese guy thinks that I am unfriendly and selfish and cold-hearted and realistic and 1001 other descriptions for an unhelpful local and get hold of what is important to me, yet I let him took advantage of me being indecisive and felt too guilty being unempathic.

Kevin once said he couldn't believe as someone who's already at her final year, I am surprisingly quite a dumb person. I have no ground to disagree.

And for once I was actually recognised correctly as a Chinese instead of some exotic indigenous tribes from East Malaysia , I hated it.

If Jun Hoe is reading this, he probably is shaking his head now, again. When will I actually learn to improve? I don't want to shut down my heart and totally not feeling empathy for strangers who might be genuinely in need. I want to keep the faith in me that allows me to give people the benefit of doubt sometimes. Because I was just trying to be nice. Because I believe things may happen and may strike a person down to pleading for help. Because I want to release them from the agony of helplessness. Because I can't even tell a lie to save myself. 

Because I can't help but to be a little too empathic sometimes most of the time.


Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Because I...

Do you sometimes have too many things to blog about but ended up only saying a sentence which has nothing in relation to what you want to blog about?

These days I keep having random sentences popping up in my mind. Most of them starts with the word "because".

Because I know you want me.

Because I have my heart string attached to the guitar you're strumming.

Because I am not the innocent girl whom you can easily manipulate now. Because I have been away and am changed. Because I am stronger now. Because I don't feel for you now. Because you cannot influence me now. Because I don't bother to give you a damn anymore.

Because the world stops when a Burmese jokes with a Nepali like a brother :) Because nothing else matters but friendship which crosses racial, cultural and nationality borders.

Because I grow an inch more mature as I feel with my heart.

Because I wonder if you're still the same you.

Because Pau is a great guy and a helpful friend.

Because finally Keh Len reminds of something other than McD: Gossip Girls!!

Because of Sexy Kitten by Kevin and Xu Vin

Wednesday, May 06, 2009


When we're about to close a chapter, we really want to get everything settled, once and for all, leaving nothing still hanging around.

Things to do:
1. Print thesis for the last round. Before that, edit some minor spelling errors and add a sentence of suggestion at the Abstract, as what my examiner told me.

2. Let my viva examiner look through it before heading off to bind two copies of thesis in hard cover. One for the office, one for my supervisor. Oh. yeah, I need to print four copies, actually, another one for my co-supervisor, and last but not least, for my parents :)

3. Hand in resignation letter to the restaurant I have been working part time at (either today or tomorrow). Actually I took long leave for the past two months, because Jerry said by the time I finished my exam and while waiting for my viva, I'll be dead bored, so better keep the job so that I can return and earn some good money before I leave. Good money MY FOOT la Jerry dear ;p Now my viva actually finished before my final paper, I have to rush to finish up the final seven days of work there, in order to make it seems like I did give seven days notice prior official resignation.

4. Confirm with KTSN office regarding my Tinggal Luar Semester status, where I'll be staying and etc. They will be replacing all the old furnitures with new ones (*Note: as I am about to leave! sigh). So no one is allowed to stay in. I'm really thinking hard how to get ALL my stuff out of my room to a new place, with all the pail, printer, table lamp, BOOKS and etc. sigh. Pau are you reading this? *grin*

5. With that, I need to talk to Joan, Gina and Xue Wei about bunking at their place in Plaza Rah. I've told Sarah last night. But she said she won't be around during my stay, so I better talk to the rest regarding this. Oh yeah, their appartment has a swimming pool!

6. Work all my night away next week in the restaurant. And that reminds me that I have to inform Jerry that I can't make it to the dinner next Thurs night.

7. 13/5 has a briefing and interview with an insurance company, together with other coursemates.

8. 14/5 has an interview with SPA. Oh, I haven't figured out where the place is!! Can any kind sould please tell me where is and how to go to:

*I'll be travelling from Chow Kit monorail station, I guess. many thanks!

9. Call back the HR from previous interview to let her know if I accept or reject their offer.

10. Going back home next Saturday :)

Next big thing: 
1. Pulau Lang Tengah trip with Jerry, Fea, Jun Hoe and Anthony, during the first week of June. Did I miss out anyone?

2. I think I wont be able to make it to the Genting trip at the end of May la. I think. Or maybe... I think... *decidophobia*

3. Graduation! The rehearsal and take the robes and etc. Hopefully already start working by that time :)

Current obsession:
1. Love Story meets Viva La Diva song. It's played non-stop since two days ago.

2. DOME food. Really. Obsessed.

3. Still have the Nobloglergy (No-Blog-Allergy). If I don't blog at least once every alternate day, my hand will have allergy and itchy.

4. Start missing the Team already.

I think that is all for now. Got to really start finishing off my to-do-list. No point listing it out but not doing it, right?


Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Heart Warmer

Hafizah the Speechie said she dreamed about me smiling at her right before we bumped into each other in cafe just now. Cool :-) And she said she often reads my blog, secretly, she added. I think I will miss her and her "sister" Ruqayyah a lot in future. These two girls are really sweet and lovely. Thanks for your faith in me and support at times I needed it *wink* you know what I mean. All the best in your future undertakings, darlings *hugs* And I should take a picture with Ruqayyah!

with Hafizah

I'm going to meet Jerry and the rest on Friday, if Jerry has confirmed the dinner-together with others. I wonder when will he be introducing his girlfriend to us. No, I don't mean he has one now, just wondering *grin*.

I love this picture especially of the lightning. And the people inside, too. And of course, the one who took it - FeeEEeEeeA

Alright, enough for today, two posts in one night. Albert will be teasing me about my blogging frequency again. Too bad I don't have his picture to defame him before he can do that. No, actually I do, they're in Facebook. But am I not always a nice person who doesn't do this kind of things? ;-P

Love Story (Taylor Swift) meets Viva La Diva (Coldplay) by Jon Schmidt

Everyone is talking about the combined work of Jon Schmidt - Love Story (Taylor Swift) meets Viva La Diva (Coldplay). I haven't had the chance to listen to it until just now, when the fragile internet connection in my hostel finally managed to load the first quarter of the song. I fell in love with Love Story ever since the first time I hear it. But Jon Schmidt gave it a twist of Coldplay, and the result is abso-fanta-awe-wonderful-some-tica-loutely astonishing!

Presenting, the beauty:

I haven't listened to the full song. Gene promised to send it to me soon. But I wonder if the connection is good enough for it to get through. Gene cepat la kia su de ma.

Monday, May 04, 2009

God's Work in Me, Me Working for God

Have you ever had something come up to you and you need to make a life changing decision? That you need to abandon everything you have established in a place and start a new life in another place? It's not exaggerating if you describe it as entering into a new world. Because everything there may be new to you, that you need to explore on your own, with no familiar faces around. I am thrilled at the opportunity, but apparently exploration per se is not what contribute to my decision when I'm settling down for a career.

I always wanted to work for people in need, maybe for the government. People always complain that the government servants are slow and inefficient (Of course I understand there are limitation and grey areas in it, that is why sometimes it is not for the outsiders to judge, you know). Maybe how I can make a difference, is knowing that by complaining alone is not going to help, but by joining the work force and change it inside out is. Jun Ling has inspired me to do so soon as she's graduated, and she still cheerfully holds on to the same view point even after she's worked in a government hospital for two years.

I received a job offer before I could attend the interview for Suruhanjaya Perkhidmatan Awam (SPA). Yes, from the interview I told you previously. It strucks me that, that's it, I'm hired. As long as I say Yes to them, I will be on my way, making a living on my own, that... I'll become a working adult. Wow! Haha! Yet, I wonder if that is what I want - the nature of the job and the quality of life which follows. I cannot tell you publicly which company is that, and maybe not the offers, too. But well, it's something challenging enough to move me out of my comfort zone at the beginning of it, yet laid back enough to have some time for myself and strike the balance between work and life (I suppose).

And I wonder if I still can meet my purpose of serving the public if I work for the private sector instead of the government. It's the same healthcare sector, diagnosing diseases through laboratory investigation. Well, I think it doen't matter if I am not necessarily serving a large crowd. As long as I am there to serve God's purpose, I will know it is the best thing ever.

Oh, let me share with you how I landed myself with this interview. It is really interesting.

So, as a Biomedical Science student, I've heard of this lab ever since we asked our seniors where could we possibly work at after graduation. It's just like some IT students must have heard of Intel or something. There was this one fine day, I took a taxi back from church. That taxi driver was a very friendly old man. He told me about his family, how he's retired and now his children are all working, and he decided to drive a taxi around to fill his spare time after retirement. He talked about his son, who graduated from UPM Biomedical Science and now working in a laboratory nearby the area. I was surprised. So I asked if he's got vacancy in his place, and probably I could give it a try. And instantly he picked up his phone and called his son!

After confirming that they are indeed looking for people now, I took his son's number and ask for email address to send resume as I reached hostel. After a week or so, i received a call for interview before my exam, as how I've told you in previous post. After rushing here and there, the interview's over, and now I'm offered a job. It all happens in less than a month! Tell me God's hand is not in this matter. I mean, it is SO OBVIOUS that God has granted me favour in this whole event that I must share it here. That is why I am a bit confused now. If God has delivered me through all this, could it be this is what God has planned for me?

Pray for me, will you? That I will know the direction God wants me to go, and be obedient enough to follow Him. Kooi Cia says if I find peace in the decision I make later, chances are that is what God's plan for me :) I am looking forward to have the peace with the Lord.

Sunday, May 03, 2009

Forgive Him and Love the Weather

Oh, slash the previous post. It's plain stupid to be mad at such an adorable guy. It wasn't his fault, and he actually meant it with good intention. I should have more faith in him, shouldn't I? What was I kia su-ing for lar?! *slap forehead*

A sudden joy swoops past me, and forgiving someone is such a wonderful feeling.

Ah, the weather is lovely. I want to go the Titiwangsa lake and 
sit down and stare at the sky
read a book beside the lake
walk around the park (and avoiding the grass. I have phobia with grass)

If not at the park, maybe I want to go:

Wait! NoOooOoo where DID the last one come from?! Oh yeah, I have phobia with dating, too.

I guess I should just stay in my room and study for my viva (It's tomorrow!!) which consists of friggin' 20% for the total marks for my 12 credit hours thesis!!

And yes, study for Genetic, the last paper to for my four years Biomedical Science university life, which will be on Wednesday. Awesome Brilliant. I am not using the word Awesome for some kia su reason lalala~

Saturday, May 02, 2009

Love Supplier

The more you care about someone, the easier you get upset by the little mistakes they did. But love is not easily angered, and keeps no record of wrong. Loving someone is not just a split second emotion, but should be permanent. Because if it is the former, it doesn't need any effort to maintain it and just base on mere feeling, it is not love. 

It is really difficult to really, really love someone.

But if God could love me despite of my sins, thus I shall ask Him for limitless supply of love, to love the people around me, including that someone who upset me because I care for him too much.

Or maybe I shouldn't even give him any special attention anyway. What am I doing?! *slap forehead*

Friday, May 01, 2009

I Need More Space

I need more space for my books...


and books...

and more BOOKS!!
In fact, I have to insert the two books on top of the other books. Sigh.