Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Taken Granted

Many a times we have taken a certain things for granted. Of course, most of the time, we didn't mean it. Something, or someone are actually very important to us. Its existence serves a lot of purposes, his or her company means a lot to us. But because it is given to us abundantly, soon enough, we have forgotten to treasure it. Because he or she has no intention to ask anything for return, token of appreciation is thought to be redundant.

As we continue to ask for even more from that party, we never feel guilty about it. Because it is omnipresent, because he or she is always available (or will do everything to make himself/herself available), higher expectation is put on them - and they never give a sigh about the growing demand.

Yet, underneath, the strength is weaken, the spirit is demotivated, and the passion is fading. The seed of doubt is germinating - is what he/she do all this while worth while or needed by the receivers? The journey ahead soon fills with hesitation.

Showing appreciation isn't something difficult to do, especially if the contributor doesn't expect it. But it is not unimportant. In fact, it is the other way round - appreciation boosts a person's drive to work harder and to give even more, willingly.

A word of praise, a pat at the back, a smile of appreciation - do all these cost you a cent? Yet it worths a world to those who have been working hard at the back stage - unseen, presence unfelt. Should you have eyes to see, ears to hear, and heart to feel, you can experience the cry of longing from the tired soul.

Nonetheless, the problem still lies in where people are too blind to see and too deaf to hear the yearning. They are always busy with something more urgent, more important, more fragile. It's not that they don't want to show appreciation, they are just too pre-occupied. And things are taken for granted.

However the most fragile thing is the heart which gives unconditionally, the most precious thing is the kind gesture out of genuine sincerity and compassion. The same old physics theory is applicable here: we have to use the same direction and amount of force to meet or stop the counterpart. Something priceless has to be met with its priceless counterpart too. And since it is priceless, it shouldn't give us any excuse not to show appreciation.

If you realise you have to give thanks, never delay. Everytime is the best time to tell someone your appreciation. Show your respect to the things you receive everyday abundantly - love, concern, clean air and etc. And that is good enough.

Friday, April 25, 2008

We Share-Share Lah

"601223046xx telah berkongsi RM5 kepada akaun anda melalui Share-a-Top-Up. Rec#64334291. Baki: RM15.04. Tarikh Luput: 04.05.2008." - From 22121

Huh? Who's this? Why did he/she willingly send me airtime?

As I was checking the owner of the number from my phonebook, my phone beeped again...

"Here's some extra credit. I've quite a lot, since I top up every month and don't have enuf friends to call." - Jonoave

Flabbergasted, I stared at the screen, without meaning to, I bursted out in laughter, experiencing pseudo-asthma attack. The sms from him sounded, erm, pathethic? and I thought I should feel empathy or something. But no, I can't. And I couldn't explain why I felt so funny about that monotonous sms.

Actually my credit was running low as I called up Darryl to discuss the MMU IV issue with him. We decided if Wen Nee couldn't make it for MMU IV, both of us will be going there as adjudicators provided I manage to get UKM KKL transport. And we don't want to (always) involve the "retired" debaters like uncle Jonoave in this small tournament.

Hence after that, I called up Jonoave to inform him our decision - previously I did ask him if he's interested to join our team to debate in MMU for we're lacking one debater. And also talked about the coming Austral training camp and the assignments a little. I happened to inform him some where in the middle of our conversation that if my line broke off, that'll mean my credit is finished. For the last time I checked before I called him up, there's only RM2.14 left *sweat*

After 5 minutes of conversation, we've come to some conclusions and hanged up without any interference from Maxis. And I checked again. The credit left was RM0.04 *BIG SWEAT*

Soon, the two smses above were what I received. Jonoave is always a generous and considerate friend. He understands other people situation and sometimes offer to help voluntarily.

And this idea striked me: Why is it called "Share-a-Top-Up"? There is a sender and a receiver, or in another word, a giver and a receiver. The airtime is not literally "shared" by both of us. Once he had sent it over to me, then it is mine. But Hotlink is smart enough by not making it sounded like donating credit, although the deed is the same. The idea of sharing something from ourselves to others really make us feel closer to another person. And that's what telecommunication for - bringing people closer.

The next day, I need a softcopy for one of the lecture note, and I asked Si Zhe if he had it when I saw him on MSN. He attached it and sent it via MSN to me. Unluckily the wireless connection in my room is too slow and I couldn't receive it successfully. Then poped up is the window of folder sharing. I've never used this function before though I know its existence. And here came his dialogue: "I share with you."

It strikes me yet again, the idea of sharing.

As I ponder deeper on the idea of sharing, I realise the word "sharing" is not really how I understand for all this while. There's no such thing as sharing with each other while maintaining the current quantity we have. It's all about giving and receiving: when we share a piece of cheese cake with friends, we only consumed a part of the cake, the other part is given away; when we share a problem with our friend, the burden is lessen as it is lifted up from our shoulder; when we share a little time with our friends, the time is spent on them, not fully on ourselves; when we share a part of our life with someone, we give a part of our time, money, attention and etc, to them. These things are considered lost as we sacrifice them for the sake of others.

However, not all sharing will cause losses: when we share a lame joke with others the happiness doubled as we laugh hysterically together, when we share the knowledge on breast cancer and spread the awareness, the receivers will be benefited, and at the same time, we gain more understanding as we explore more on the issue; when we share the love we have, we will not run out of love but receive even more in return - without asking for it! This shows that when we share, we experience gains or losses - and we love every bit of it if we do it out of genuine generosity or compassion.

Sharing gives us a sense of hope. We know that someone is willing to spend a little time with us, to share what they have with us, not leaving us behind. We show our care for others when we share something with them. Afterall, no matter what we are sharing, we are sharing a part of us with them, and granting them the access to our life, the right to take away a part of us, and the right to top-up a part of us. What is more, our quality of life is improved, albeit a little, as we share.

If you were asked: Does mankind still have hope?

The answer simply depends on whether or not human are willing to share a future with each other. If Isreal and Palestine are willing to share the piece of Holy Land, there sould be less wars in there. If we are willing to share a little food with the poverty-stricken countries, there'll be less people dying from starvation. If we are willing to share a little time with others by praying for them, there'll be more love among us.

So, let's share-share lah =)

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Toxicology Test

"Hey, just now the paper was psycho lar.."

That's the first sentence Gina exchanged with me when she met me in cafe after our Toxicology paper. Apparenly she's more a civilise person. I was thinking of another word to describe the paper... oh, nevermind.

By the way, I got to stay in KTSN 1 again for next term. Thank God.

These days the wireless connection is very unstable and weak. Hence, before the wireless connection goes "limited", I better hit the publish button now. It's just a short post this time.

All the best for exams =)

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Good Laughs

I'm not sure if my funny bone is different from the rest, but I do find peculiar things funny at times, or laugh at things which usually don't make other people find them amusing.

I have a number of times giggling at lecturers who are, well, to me, witty. But no other people in the class seems to think so. Maybe sometimes the lecturers didn't mean to sound witty, but I find the situation to be funny, at that moment. If there's a chance the same situation occurs again, maybe I won't be laughing then, maybe.

I have a number of friends whom I find them to be amusing no matter what they do. I can read their blogs complaining about dissatisfaction they faced yet visualise the way they're actually talking that in front of me and...laugh! They have their own unique way of behaving, and I love to be with them because they're behaving like themselves - one of a kind ;-)

And sometimes I laugh as I read what people are doing with politics. To me, politics are just like dramas sometimes. The sudden fall and rise of a nation, an out-of-no-where decision to veto stem cell research, the leader of a particular country didn't turn up at a peace talk yet tell the public that he's still committed to it and etc. Ha, what can be more important than the peace of a nation? And the talk is suppose to bring related parties together and discuss the issue - they didn't turn up yet still committed? I'm SOO gonna believe in that!

I think sometimes we just have to find something to laugh at in our daily lifes. I need laughter more than I need coffee. Some of the times I even laugh at myself! It's even more amusing and healthy. Look at the things you did, have a good laugh, then move on.

Life is too short to worry. We can worry for it's our nature. But not too much of it. Remember that God is always with us! Laughter is still the best medicine =)

Monday, April 14, 2008

The Power of Controversial Writing and the Value of Apology

When Kevin Rudd made a public (nation-wide, actually) apology, all the aborigines and non-aborigines in Australia applauded, some even cried in joy. For 200 years Australian government had been condemned for sidelining the local aborigines, now it has become a history. A new phase has come and everyone moves on.

When I wrote the Aftermath post, the main purpose was not to condemn anyone. As you look at the structure of the post, a big chunk of it was talking about how I feel about myself with my coursemates. As I announced it in my MSN common message “Coursemates, you names are mentioned in my post”, that’s even clearer that I wanted them to know how I think I’ve made progressed in socializing with them.

However, sadly to say, the controversial part of it is the part I mentioned someone hasn’t forwarded the message to me. And everyone thought me pin-pointed her as a culprit behind my lost. The fact is I’ve never even thought that it could be this way for that was not my intention at all. Only those who have this kind of defaming thought can straight away interpret it that way for it is their nature.

I guess I have underestimated the attraction and power of controversial stories. When Dr.Chua’s sex scandal was made public, everyone liked to talk about it. It is only a 50 seconds clip, for crying out loud. If we were to compare to all the hard works and improvement in public health care system for years, the former should be the most insignificant sneeze one can have in his career. But because it was controversial, people love to discuss it out loud, albeit extravagantly. And his efforts for all these years had been unjustifiably overshadowed.

The second level to this is how people interpret the message conveyed. Every reader has to understand that I’m only telling the story from my point of view. After all, this is my blog, of course it is to talk about me. If I were to take everyone’s opinion into account before writing a post, then I might as well not establish this blog at the first place. And I’ve explained how I have no whatsoever intention to bring disgrace to any party as I narrated a fraction of my journey in life. Besides, I didn’t force you to read my post at the first place.

Yet, I understand how human minds are uncontrollable in terms of interpreting message. This is beyond my ability to ensure every reader is happy to read what I’ve posted. Read at your own risk, and if you have any comment or new angle to look at things mentioned, then you’re always welcome to leave comment to here.

What’s more, is what they did to this girl after reading my post: they teased her about this incident and made her felt very annoyed. That has as much relation to me as Koko Krunch to Jeffrey Archer. I felt empathy to hear what has happened to her, but it is not fair to put the blame on me for the reasons justified above.

If she thought I’m at fault, I have to agree at some point maybe I am, for I’m nearly violating the freedom of speech I enjoyed thus far. I still have to bear the responsibility that comes along as no right is absolute.

And I apologized to her at the very next chance I met her.

Broken-heartedly to say, my sincerity was not met with forgiveness. Then I believe there’s nothing else I can do but to move on. I don’t think I’m being irresponsible for I’ve done my part in saving our friendship. Now she’s the determining factor.

A strong friendship is one which can remain standing after disagreements or misunderstandings. It is the business between the directly related individuals and other people are to mind their own business. As a person has put down his or her pride and made an apology, it is something priceless which can only be met with its invaluable counterpart: forgiveness, for both come from our delicate heart. If these two elements exist in a relationship, only then a genuine friendship is appreciated.

I’m still holding an end of the rope of our friendship. I’m looking forward to seeing her to grab another end of it. For I appreciate her not because of she’s a high-flying student per se, but an easy-going and cheerful one, with straight-forward manner I always admire, and one can always see the twinkle in her eyes to know she’s genuinely who you see right in front of you.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Now I See It

For those who had read the previous post (Aftermath), hopefully you'll be able to relate or understand this post better.

As I've missed the piece of information regarding Prof. Salmaan's tutorial, I was quite upset about it. Honestly, the reasons behind this was (1) he's a good lecturer with substance, disregard how you comment about the last tutorial as "nothing important", and (2) he is a witty lecturer - I mean, don't you feel alive everytime you listen to him talk? Human needs humour in life!

Now come Prof. Baha's tutorial - another outstanding and passionate educator too good to work under UKM. This time I received the sms from our class representative, Abang Saleh, as how we call him. And I passed it on down and up the chain so that hopefully this time it works in dwi-direction. And I sent it to William who also missed out SMS that day. And one to VJ, Merlinda and Chiun Chuan, respectively. And I put it as my MSN common message. Nolie saw the message and confirm with me again. I suppose she has yet to receive the message from her chain of friends, but I believe she will be the first one to initiate the forwarding business and get every possible souls informed.

I've become more aware of the importance of effective SMS forwarding system - if not because of the price I paid to be bestowed awareness. Now when I look back, I re-learnt the lesson : there is indeed reason behind for everything which has happened in our life. Be it a friend, an incident, etc. If we learn to appreciate it, then only we'll be touched by it.

We're unaware of the sufferings of many sad incidents in other land because we have yet to experience it. We're always in our comfort zone. We never appreciate electricity because it's so abundant in a big city like KL that even if there's a blackout - it'll resume in a blinking of eyes. We never (ok, sometimes) appreciate the some old economy rice served on our table because we know we'll be eating the same dish tomorrow, or even during the next meal! But if you've gone to a mission trip or visited some under-developed countries, we'll always be reminded of the condition there and learn to be more thankful.

But those people who are suffering play an important role in spreading awareness to us. If not because of wars and many lives lost in it, we wouldn't have kiss our love-ones everyday (no, I'm not thanking Bush for it, he's still an a** hole); if not because of male homosexuals, we wouldn't have found out that HIV is transmitted through body fluid and not mere physical hugs.

And I've received a comment from an anonymous regarding my behaviour all these while! Finally it provokes one to tell me straight at my face, which is a way I preferred, but do it privately. And that explains why my words are unpleasant to the ears (OK, sometimes is my manners): those words are something people usually bitch about it behind our backs, but I said them at their face. Honestly, if you know it'll benefit me, you gotta tell me about it long ago. I have been ignorant sometimes, that's why friends (who claim to be sincerely concerning you) are the one who should give you a whack at the head - all the time. Though I've yet to know how exactly I'm going to change, hopefully that person will contact me at my email or something.

p/s: Chui Yoke says she did forward me the message, it's just that I didn't receive it. It could be the telecommunication system technical problem. Please don't tell me it's my Samsung Ted Baker's fault - it's still new. I believe it has not suffered from any suffocation as it flew back from Newcastle that day.

Thursday, April 10, 2008


I was pretty angered last night. The raging fire consumed me so entirely that I couldn't do anything else beside going to bed early. And it wasn't a peaceful sleep either, though it managed to heal me a little from the wound.

I am pretty close with my other non-Chinese coursemates, honestly, judging by the fact that most(not all) of the time I always got first-hand information from them whenever they've arranged a replacement/extra class with lecturers, or to register subjects online etc. Hence I bear the (informal) responsibility to forward it (to Pau Ring) down the SMS chain among Chinese students to inform them about the news. I've never missed forwarding messages, be it the source is from a Chinese or Malay friend.

However, few days ago there's this circulated SMS about a tutorial by my Toxicology lecturer, Prof Salmaan. And for these entire 5 days I wasn't aware about it. Some of them up the chain received it and they as usual they assumed I was the one who forwarded it to the chain at the first place hence the one above me, Chui Yoke, didn't forward to me.

If it wasn't because I saw Siew Hui's MSN common message about tutorial which ended late hence she couldn't go for Sushi King Members' Day treat, I wouldn't have found out this plaque.
Everyone knew about it, except me, the loyal SMS forwarder. Everyone just assumed everyone knew about it, hence no verbal reminder was heard.

I'm always very sensitive towards issue about I'm the only isolated one among my coursemates. I've prayed for things to improved, and it worked, at some measures. I've shown more concern towards friends, thick-facedly asked to join them for lunch or offer to go out and do some shopping together, talked about Colby Cailat to Lee Yen, discussed hair-do fashion with Pei Yoong, told Steven to look at the bright side of having much responsibilities because of his growing talents as a leader, follow up with their blogs (such as those at the right hand side) to know what's up outside KTSN (for I'm the only Chinese girl staying in UKM hostel among my coursemates), etc. I no longer sit alone in class, but with friends all around me. We've had inside jokes about Lik Wei and how he's related to Wilson disease, Kee Siang has once in a while asks me questions about class via MSN (maybe because I'm one of the few who insists to set my MSN status as "online" rather than "away" or "busy" when I'm around). Ah Chew has once asked me:" So how's things?" - a simple question coming from a brother-in-Christ was indeed a big pat at the back; Adeline has shown most concern towards me since I told her about how I felt about myself being the weirdest "outliers" among my coursemates few months ago.

But things haven't really changed, actually. The relationship and companion I long for all this while have yet to come true. William said he also didn't receive the message but he asked about it himself. Maybe that's what I should do - depend on myself. For all the advancement in telecommunication technology mankind has achieved thus far, assumption and miscommunication have made a mocking to it, and hence holding human social networking back.

There's no point of pointing finger when things have happened. Afterall, I think I'm back to square one where I'm still the non-sociable weirdo - who loves to read about Zimbabwe and the stubborn Robert Mugabe, the Green Car Race between Toyota and GM, the skyrocketed crude oil price and inflation following the war in Middle East, the Shariah Law in British court, headscarves in Turkish university, boycotting Beijing Olympic, or global warming (yes, please close the door whenever you're in or out of an air-conditioned room), recognising Palestinian refugees, Kosovo and Kurdish independence, North Korea and its nuclear weapon, Asia and its booming economy as a whole, US and Russia conflict in allowing Georgia and Ukraine to join NATO, and other... stuff.

It's just an irony - things happened so far away from my social cycle yet I am aware about them, however for things happened right in front of my eyes I'm too blind to see them. Next time I'll be more aware about what's on around me, especially those which is not published in the paper.

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Missing You

The chilling wind blows, the dark clouds loom in. Blinding lighting strikes a sense of fear into me, loud thunder soon follows. Down pouring rain is anticipated, yet again.

Standing in the hallway, alone. Watching the greyish sky , oh so familiar.

The tree leaves spring into a dance, ready to soak in the shower. Little flowers sing, embracing themselves to survive through the down pour. Humble grass hold their breath in preserverance, determine to smile at the rainbow after rain.

The nature, isn't very natural, especially when it is mixed with a complicated emotion inside. It becomes humane. It reminds me of a friend, only whom can stir my emotion, silently, violently.

It is a surprise. After all this while, he is still on my mind. New friends come and go, so is he. But his smiles never leave. His shadow is everywhere.

Wake up! He is no longer here!

Eyes closed, I shake my head, trying to swing him off my mind. Yet, like a stubborn dirt, no solution is effective enough to eliminate him from my consciousness. The stain stays, the emotion lingers. My heart is calling the name whose owner is miles away.

Did you hear it?

The thunder roars and the wind pierces my bone, sending shivers down my spine. My heart aches and my mind floats.

Oh gravity! Pull me back!

Crystal drops scattered on the soil, roof, cars and leaves, concerting harmonic orchestra. The power of nature speaks with authority. It is loud, but I hear silence. It is a teamwork, but I fight the battle alone - the battle to get over with the fact that...

I still miss you.