Monday, April 14, 2008

The Power of Controversial Writing and the Value of Apology

When Kevin Rudd made a public (nation-wide, actually) apology, all the aborigines and non-aborigines in Australia applauded, some even cried in joy. For 200 years Australian government had been condemned for sidelining the local aborigines, now it has become a history. A new phase has come and everyone moves on.

When I wrote the Aftermath post, the main purpose was not to condemn anyone. As you look at the structure of the post, a big chunk of it was talking about how I feel about myself with my coursemates. As I announced it in my MSN common message “Coursemates, you names are mentioned in my post”, that’s even clearer that I wanted them to know how I think I’ve made progressed in socializing with them.

However, sadly to say, the controversial part of it is the part I mentioned someone hasn’t forwarded the message to me. And everyone thought me pin-pointed her as a culprit behind my lost. The fact is I’ve never even thought that it could be this way for that was not my intention at all. Only those who have this kind of defaming thought can straight away interpret it that way for it is their nature.

I guess I have underestimated the attraction and power of controversial stories. When Dr.Chua’s sex scandal was made public, everyone liked to talk about it. It is only a 50 seconds clip, for crying out loud. If we were to compare to all the hard works and improvement in public health care system for years, the former should be the most insignificant sneeze one can have in his career. But because it was controversial, people love to discuss it out loud, albeit extravagantly. And his efforts for all these years had been unjustifiably overshadowed.

The second level to this is how people interpret the message conveyed. Every reader has to understand that I’m only telling the story from my point of view. After all, this is my blog, of course it is to talk about me. If I were to take everyone’s opinion into account before writing a post, then I might as well not establish this blog at the first place. And I’ve explained how I have no whatsoever intention to bring disgrace to any party as I narrated a fraction of my journey in life. Besides, I didn’t force you to read my post at the first place.

Yet, I understand how human minds are uncontrollable in terms of interpreting message. This is beyond my ability to ensure every reader is happy to read what I’ve posted. Read at your own risk, and if you have any comment or new angle to look at things mentioned, then you’re always welcome to leave comment to here.

What’s more, is what they did to this girl after reading my post: they teased her about this incident and made her felt very annoyed. That has as much relation to me as Koko Krunch to Jeffrey Archer. I felt empathy to hear what has happened to her, but it is not fair to put the blame on me for the reasons justified above.

If she thought I’m at fault, I have to agree at some point maybe I am, for I’m nearly violating the freedom of speech I enjoyed thus far. I still have to bear the responsibility that comes along as no right is absolute.

And I apologized to her at the very next chance I met her.

Broken-heartedly to say, my sincerity was not met with forgiveness. Then I believe there’s nothing else I can do but to move on. I don’t think I’m being irresponsible for I’ve done my part in saving our friendship. Now she’s the determining factor.

A strong friendship is one which can remain standing after disagreements or misunderstandings. It is the business between the directly related individuals and other people are to mind their own business. As a person has put down his or her pride and made an apology, it is something priceless which can only be met with its invaluable counterpart: forgiveness, for both come from our delicate heart. If these two elements exist in a relationship, only then a genuine friendship is appreciated.

I’m still holding an end of the rope of our friendship. I’m looking forward to seeing her to grab another end of it. For I appreciate her not because of she’s a high-flying student per se, but an easy-going and cheerful one, with straight-forward manner I always admire, and one can always see the twinkle in her eyes to know she’s genuinely who you see right in front of you.


Anonymous said...

just let it go already!!!!stop snow-balling the matter...please show some the last post, you have mentioned that even if you were absent in a lecture nobody would even notice that...come on..have u ever actually msged every person who din turn up for a lecture and asked what happened to them??even my friend doesnt do that..we are all grown up..but, i would say that it would be a different story if u are absent for more than 2 days or anything...i'm sure at that time, i'll be the first person to ask what happened to u..
i think it's time for you to put everything down and see what is your problem..when u r pointing a person with one of ur fingers, the rest of the fingers on ur hand are actually pointing urself..
my advice is,you should lay low you know what i mean??does attention mean that much to u??u want everybody to recognise u is it??i really do not understand...
i think that's about all i want to say..before i sign off,i just want to let u know that i'm not judging u..

cher linn said...

"have u ever actually msged every person who din turn up for a lecture and asked what happened to them??"
No, but if my close friends were absent, I do do that, dozens of times.

My problem is i don't have close friends and I didn't take initiative to know what's happening around me.

I'm not pointing my fingers at anyone. I've explained this tonnes of times already.

Attention doesn't mean much to me, but concern from close friends do. All I want is the latter.

Thanks. I feel you now. A. I'm letting this go now =)

vj said... so much happened and i didn't know anything about it. i guess its done for now. i have always been in the receiving end from you. next time if i get an info from others i will be sure to let you know.

i understand how you feel, i experienced first hand the wrath of saying your thoughts out and being honest. i have been isolated, condemned, accused, threatened, chewed up and spit out. i felt sad in the beginning but then at that moment i realized the blessing out of it. through that incident in my life i have found real friends. those who chose to trust me and root for me because they knew who i was. and now im not upset about those who condemned me but rather happy to see how many stuck by my side.

i wish you will have the same blessings...take care...