Sick

It means very much to me when someone knows that I'm sick and wishes me get well soon. When one is attacked by sickness and feeling vulnerable physically and emotionally, the best treatment is your attitude towards the patient. I don't want a doctor who treats me because I am his job. Please treat me because you really care.

I wonder if a doctor can't be nice to a friend who is sick, would he be able to be nice to his patient who is a stranger to him?

On being nice: How to tell the difference if a person is nice to you because he is generally a nice guy, or because he values you as a friend? Boy I really wish to know.

I don't know what caused the diarrhea, but I am sincerely thankful for toilets available. If one day I have to divorce with washing machine, toilet will be my next target.

I also think I should take it as a sign to slow down on my busy schedule and actually listen to God. It's tiring to work with own strength. But Lord, please grant me over-flowing strength of Yours to fulfill my purpose.

Come Hell or High Water, or, Monday.

Just a quick post.

It's been on my mind for more than a month now, though no doubt I've shared it with some of my close friends about it. That I am sure it must be God's plan all along. It's like the debate about whether or not it was, after all, God's plan that Judas betrayed Jesus, that Jesus knew it all along hence that's why He was very troubled about it that He was in anguish as He prayed [Luke 22:42] "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.". Or, otherwise. It doesn't mean I now think it's a right thing to be done, though. Anyway..

It's really like shower of blessings, over and over again. Like a huge, month-long celebration that as if finally I've made a right choice which is pleasing to God's eyes. Only recently that I feel the ride has slowed down a little. It's like God saying, OK, you've had enough fun now, haven't you? It's time to get back to Work.

It aches me to think about the disaster during the past weekend. But, if it's God's will that I receive what I do not deserve, I guess the celebration mentioned above were more like a farewell for me. It's just that, we're having so much fun with each other around that we didn't notice it's a farewell. It might be a good thing, after all.

And oh, Nar is back to Malaysia from Nepal for another year.

And I'm going to laugh at myself, real hard, and calculate 1 to the power of a fifth for the 700th time. And I bet Jun Hoe will no longer reply with nice words to my messages about how I screw up (and still get what I long for). Thank God I still have Xu Vin :)

But I'd rather it's meant to be a farewell than just a celebration, so that when it's here, nobody will have time to be sad, if anyone would. I'd rather Jun Hoe does the above, and the only reason I am going to wish for that is because I no longer need to send him those messages to begin with. I'd rather the whole world to laugh with me, at myself. I really, really.. wish I could have done better... sigh, let's not think about it now. I need loads of prayer and favor from God.

I Love My Job

Case 1:

Claims Paid: RM5,417.30

Diagnosis: Abdominal Pain

Case 2:

Claims Paid: RM12,103.50

Diagnosis: Cannot read doctor's handwriting

=)

Wandering Heart

I couldn't help but to start thinking of what to pack and what to DO on the train back home for CNY. I've taken half day leave on Thursday 11/2/10 to go back in that afternoon. Yes, traveling by train! I'm really looking forward to it even though it's not the first time already.

Before that, I need to buy the roast pork slices (what do you call that in English actually?) for my mum from one of the famous shop here. I bought some home during Christmas upon her special request. I never get crazy over it but my mum seemed to be very happy. Hence I'm going to do that everytime I go home :)

Besides, I'm going to make sure I've got my sweater ready, MP3 fully charged and preferably with some new songs, a WordSearch puzzle and a pen, and also, the Tetris gameboy! Oh yeah, may need to buy some batteries for back-up as well. Oops, looks like I've forgotten to name the book I want to bring with me for this trip. That African book is with Jeremy! Hope the condition of the book is still alright :) Maybe I'll just stick to Jodi Picoult's Handle With Care for now. And some tissue with me as I read, just in case.

Sigh, and will be out of Internet for 6 hours. SIX hours! And I'm going to take train come back KL as well. Total will be at least 12 hours! Half a day without Internet, rawr! Hope the train does not delay please please please!

And, I am confirmed not going for my company trip to China now. I know I have given up a golden opportunity to travel with minimal expenses, and definitely will miss a lot of fun with my colleagues. There are some reasons I gave it up. And I someone feel peaceful with the decision now. Thank God I have found a replacement so I don't have to bear the cost. Hope everyone will have a wonderful experience there!

As for now, STUDY! I attended a short course on basic insurance principles in Malaysian Insurance Institute today. Boy the speaker was great! Enjoyed his class and he made me want to prepare myself better for tomorrow's session. After much thinking, I have decided to take up diploma subjects on insurance soon. My Dad a.k.a. the big boss encourages me. I like superiors and colleagues who encourage one's continuous development in the career. I need to check out the class schedule and my financial capability first. Hope everything will work out.

That's all for now. And people please use Google Calendar and share it with me! Or Wave, or both, please? :D

with a bang

There was once a new friend I met only over a weekend told me that I was a person who knew what I wanted and what I didn't, and made choices accordingly. For my friends who've known me better, they'd laugh at the fact a decidophobe like me actually received such comment. But as I pondered upon it, I guessed that new friend was quite correct, too. He said it during our dim sum breakfast in Ipoh. He saw me eagerly waiting for waiter to pass by so that I could order an egg tart, while firmly turning down someone's offer for other dish. And like wise for other dishes, what I wanted to try next, what I didn't bother to touch.

I guess the year of 2009 was a year I was given opportunity to explore myself - what I want in life, what I can tolerate to get something I want in return, what I would love to do for the rest of my life, what are my priorities, what are my heart longings. And with this, I have to say I am glad I did depend on God for direction.

However, the part I did wrong, was that I didn't put God first in everything. Many times we only come to seek God's help when we've run out of resources or ideas, and needed direction on where to go next. It should have been the other way round - ask God for His permission before we are to do anything. You might be surprised that even at the things you were very positive on, God might say otherwise because He had a bigger plan you couldn't see back then.

The first half of the year, I was busy with my thesis - the lab phase and writing phase. Both were draining but fun. I learnt that: I shall not involve in research work anymore, and I strongly prefer English over BM. Back then I thought it was because I attended kindergarten which used English as the medium that has the impact on me. But now I understand that English does have this natural appeal to me - thinking and speaking wise, and I am so comfortable with the language that I must make it a part of my life. My thesis went well, as well as my entire final semester as a Biomedical Science degree student. I closed the chapter with gratefulness to God. And yes, graduation ceremony was on 15th August 2009 :)

Invasion of Aliens and a bear with brain tumor. Bodoh :)

And went to Lang Tengah as well. I love the sky and the sea.

Before I began my second half of the year, the time I placed my virgin steps into working world for full time, I consulted God for my working life and future ahead. I put it in God's hand and prayed that He will send me to live for His purpose in me. I believe things may not be permanent, that I may have to move on to some where when the time comes. But the most important thing is not to loose focus to serve God. At every point in our life, there will be different callings and different needs. Every phases is a way God trying to shape us for a bigger purpose ahead. Instead of being complacent at the current good time, I need to remember to stay alert at the moment God calls.

Right now I am working in a good company, with a good future. The way I define comfort zone in a work place, is not so much of easy job and easy money, but the colleagues and leaders I am privilege to have. I thought racial harmony only exists between friends, not formal acquaintanceship such as in the office. Racial remarks and judgmental accusation were common among my coursemates back in university. Maybe that are how professionals act. We're all here to get things done. If you're committed, then you're one of us. More to that, is the chemistry we share. I couldn't find a place among my coursemates, because I often find that we think differently. But I have cliqued well with my colleagues there. They share the photos of their children, talk about their family, offer to lend me books on insurance, invite me to join their lunch-mate group, drop by to ask about my weekends, forward email about book fair, and many other kindnesses I receive. My General Manager (among us the senior colleagues will refer him as our big brother, while the junior ones like me will refer him as our dad, haha!) actually spent some time to advise me to take extra insurance courses as soon as possible, because I am still fresh from university and am still familiar with study mode, compared to other married, more senior colleagues. The colleagues I have in my department are patient and helpful. I learn that, to work in a team, communication is very, if not the most, important. We keep each other informed about every cases through forwarded emails (for the sake of keeping record) and verbal communication. And that's how efficiency in providing information to other department is maintained even if one of us is not around.

On another note, deep down, I hear a longing to go out and be part of the WHO/UN volunteers for under-privilege countries - medical wise. I actually went to their websites to look for ways to apply, but failed. For now, I'll keep this passion in mind, until I am mature for the jobs - qualification is 3 years of working experience. I am not sure why I am very much attracted to Africa. It all started when Ai Huey told me to do a debate assignment on conflicts in Africa. I searched the net for the information. The interest does not stop there. I found The White Men's Burden by William Easterly and later, Commission for Africa: Our Common Interest - An Argument by Bob Geldof, both books are on nature of Africa and what policies work or don't, on that piece of unique land. Yes, unique is the way to describe what that continent has gone through and the consequences it is facing now, subject to the diverse cultural background of every clans and tribes present. I learn that, country is not a way to address the continent if we were to help them, but by acknowledging the existence of different clans that make up the entire community is. Because separation of a clan and forced integration of different clans were the main conflicts that resulted the many crisis which plaque the land, other than poor governance and outer factors.

To sum up my 2009, I cannot not give credit and acknowledgment to a group of friends I love deeply, for their presence and the fun I received. 2009 being a year of self-exploration, I learnt to understand what I can give up and what I would give up for. Despite the fact that I have graduated, I am still learning from them, and growing with them. I learn that love is perfect. I learn that no one can be replaced or replicated no matter how much others are trying to mimic them. I appreciate the time to hang out with them to feel that I still have a life. I thought I have given a lot to them. But no, they have given me much more in return. They gave me assurance about myself. They give me a space among them. They gave me an avenue to express my thoughts. They let me make fun of them brought me joy and love through good times and bad times. They inspired me to look up and think out of the box. They taught me different ways to look at life and appreciate the randomness and differences. They make me smile.

UM Royals 2009

A separate debate event in UM as well, not sure if it's in 2009.

Ai Huey's pre-wedding party

Christmas with housemates

Went to Istana Budaya for Puteri Gunung Ledang

So that's about it for my 2009. It's been a great year. I hope my 2010 be a great year, too, with more guidance from God, and to make a difference :) Cheers!

Presents for me??

My housemates and I are going to have our own gift exchange day around Christmas. There are five of us, hence we shall buy a gift for each of the two person whose names we drew out in random from Merl's hands.

What to buy for a gift with the minimum cost as RM20? I am not going to give out my idea here. Anyway, I have yet to come across gift that cost RM20 that I can buy. It is quite a difficult amount to be honest - nothing too ordinary yet nothing too fancy.

Kevin says that I am a person easy to please or make happy. At some point it is true, especially as I started wondering what would others have thought of buying me instead. Many of my friends would think of buying me books as presents. Books are my all time favourite gift. But I do have books that sit untouched on my bookshelf for reasons such as there is no chemistry between me and the book. Some of them are even my own hunts during book fair or sales in bookstore! I guess I can't force myself to buy or start reading a book if I haven't been determined in owning or reading it at the first place. Yvonne and Lian King have finished reading Candace Bushnell's Trading Up while I can never read past page two! Jodi Picoult's The Pact and Plain Truth are also collecting dust there, unless Yvonne is willing to show her mercy to them by trying out different genre of books from my little library sometimes. Having say that, I still went on and bought Jodi Picoult's Handle With Care and Khaled Hosseni's The Kite Runner after that, and started to read Handle With Care right after the purchase. Hmm..

Well, there are a lot of other things you can buy for me as a gift, really. Principle is: if you don't know what I really want or like, buy something you think I might need it. For example, stationary I might need in office, toiletries, food, and etc. Yes, these things don't need RM20. But I'd be equally glad that at least it shows you are observant of my needs :)

Suggestion:

1. the To-Do-List strip. I saw it in MPH bookstore long time ago. Now I kinda need it in office because the work load has been crazy and writing it down helps a lot in organising work flow in a systematic manner.

2. Darlie tooth paste. Seriously. I am looking for the Darlie original tooth paste, not those with added lemon mint flavor or whatever crap version. Original version, in the largest tube possible. Sometimes I can't find the original version, sometimes it is not the largest tube which means I have to buy another one very soon. And yes, I have been faithful to Darlie ever since I was a kid. That explains why you can buy me as many tubes as possible to hit RM20, because I won't change the brand of tooth paste I am using until the next 700 billion years.

3. Milo 3 in 1. I can never grow out of drinking Milo. And I drink Milo with breakfast in office everyday. You can imagine how much I need it.

4. Body shampoo of any brand. I really don't mind the brand as long it is labeled "Body Shampoo". I need it as long as I still have the habit to bath.

5. Peanut butter, fruit jam, bread butter and tuna spread. Yup, that is what I have with Gardenia bread for breakfast during weekdays. Sometimes I even keep it as my lunch so that I don't have to waste time eating out during lunch hour when I need to rush my work.

6. Clothes washing powder. You don't have to buy me a washing machine if you cannot afford it, though I'd be really grateful if you could and would, hahahaha! Well, you can buy me something to go with it, which is the washing powder, haha! It is of course a necessity in my whole life, if I haven't married to a rich Duke and start sending all my clothes for laundry services or have maids to help me with them.

7. Night light! Everybody knows I am afraid to sleep in the dark. I have a penguin night light plugged in in my room. I switched it on every night as I sleep. It gives me a sense of security. I guess I need some back-up night light in case one day my penguin suddenly decided to quit working as a slave in a tropical country.

8. Book marks! I have the habit of taking forever to finish reading a book. Most of the time I can use anything thin as a bookmark. There was once I started reading Jodi Picoult(again)'s Change of Heart right after I buy it. I actually used the receipt for that book as a book mark, haha! However it'd be lovely if I have a more beautiful bookmark for it :)

9. A4 hard cover notebook. I can use it as my adjudication sheet during debate, write my journals, or for news article archives. I love A4 size hard cover notebooks, I don't know why. Sometimes I'd have fun flipping though blank notebooks even if there wasn't anything written in it (it is totally blank!).

10. Oral B tooth brush. Yes. Tooth brush, medium softness. Oral B. :)

Saturday

It's a day you open your eyes from sleep, knowing that it IS a Saturday, turn to another side and fall back to sleep.

After contented at the fact that you've had a super good sleep, you get up and head to the kitchen. Housemates (Vonne and Lian King) join in, and had a good time preparing breakfast for three person's share.

Hot dogs, scrambled eggs, hashbrown, toast, margarine, fresh milk, Nescafe, Milo, Thousand Island and ketchup.

And a lot of heart-lightening conversations, laughter and jokes about someone being observed by some weird uncles when she goes swimming everyday. Sorry ah, uncle, Saturday only do morning show lah, haha ;p

Saturday is my swimming day. Swimming in the morning is much more enjoyable than in the evening. Because you don't have kids come to disturb your pool during cartoon time. The pool appears clearer during day time, and 26 laps is a new record =)

Saturday is also a day to do laundry, clean up the house, blog and online news. And maybe, going out to breathe some air, too. I was planning to read my day away in Kunokuniya, but the weather was a little unpredictable when I was about to go out, hence... No, Merl, I'm not going to talk about the Mid Valley thing here! ;p We'll see what would he say the next time he asks agian ;-)

Already ironed my clothes for work for next week! =)

Obsessive

Look, I may not be a perfect housemate, but I do carry out my duties and sometimes, YOUR duties. I may be a bit particular over something, and sometimes obsessive is a better word to describe me. Still, I do not cross your line, so please know which line of mine that is OK for you to cross, or NEVER to cross.

Part one: belongings

Things which you're welcome to take from my territory without asking my permission before hand, provided that you return them to me after use:

1. Bible - If you eventually lost mine, I can always buy a new one. Let those who need/want it, have it.

2. Nail clipper - Oh come on, you don't have to ask me over this tiny babe.

3. All books on the book shelve

4. Iron

5. Pens in the pen holder on the table

6. Electronic dictionary

7. Calculator

8. My chopstick, spoon, fork, bowl and plate

9. stationery in my pencil case

10. Dettol cream

11. mirror

12. Scissor

Things which you're NEVER to even think of borrowing from me:

1. My power 400 anti-fog Ogival swimming goggle

2. Earrings and hairband (like, DUH, for sanitary reason)

3. Thousand Island dressing - NEVER!

4. Hashbrown - unless I offer it to you myself

5. Cooking oil - because Lian King and I cook less often in the house, so I think it's better we buy our own cooking oil and no issue of unfairness crop up when we're talking about fair sharing with the whole house.

6. BodyShop Passion Fruit body shampoo

7. BodyShop Passion Fruit body butter

8. Joico hair shampoo and conditioner

9. glass and teaspoon

10. swimming suit

11. Starbucks tumbler

12. food container - I need to bring breakfast to office every morning, so I can't lend it out during weekdays

13. Konxept hair treatment serum

14. perfume

15. towel, comb, pillow and other personal stuff

16. Sony NW-S203F MP3 Player

Things I may lend to you after you ask me:

1. Make ups - I know we're not suppose to share make ups for there are reported cases of people staying in the same house were found positive for a particular parasite because they share their make-ups. Chew Poh Ling can tell you more about this - it's her final year thesis ;-) But well, if you're really in need of it, then once or twice is ok lah. And that generously includes my The Face Shop blue eyeliner-eyeshadow tube and BodyShop pink lipbalm.

2. Laptop

3. Fan

4. Toilet roll

5. Ketchup (because it's not as important as my beloved Thousand Island)

6. Instant noodle

7. Milo 3in 1

8. Nescafe 3 in 1

9. Wire extension

10. clothe hanger

11. clothe clipper

12. Body shampoo

13. Sunsilk hair shampoo and conditioner

14. washing powder

15. Tuna spread

16. Gardenia wholemeal bread

17. Jacob cream crackers

18. Margarine

19. Peanut butter

20. my shoes

21. new toothbrush (to be replaced with another new toothbrush later)

22. Eggs

That's all I have for now. The rule of thumb: ask me before using it. If I'm not around, try not to use anything first, or make sure you know what are the things you should never lay your hands on, because I'm very anal about people using some of the stuff which I do not like to share.

Part two: duties and responsibilites (to save water and electricity and for cleanliness)

1. Please wash the wok after using it. Yes I may not need it often any you may not want to wash it right after you cook, but please do so before you sleep, OK? I believe by that time it wont burn your hands already.

2. Please switch off the lights when no one is using it. Better still, don't stay up late on your own. Because you'll be switching on the lights and only yourself is using yet we all have to pay for you.

3. Think before you open the fridge, and don't open it unnecessarily.

4. Iron all your clothes in one go, or a lot of clothes everytime you want to iron something, and not only one shirt every morning before you go to work.

5. Wash a full load of clothes everytime you're using the washing machine. If you don't have a full load yet you need to wash your clothes using the washing machine, please ask around if other people have clothes to wash also.

6. Please mop the kitchen floor after use irregards if it's your week to sweep and mop the house, especially if your cooking involves deep frying, which will make the whole kitchen very oily.

7. And yes, please sweep and mop the floor when it's your week to do so. It's a small condo and you don't have to do that for everyone's room, just the living hall and kitchen will do. I mean, you don't need people to remind/nag you about it like your mum does, right?

8. when you see the trash is full, just take the initiave to throw it ok.

9. If you have friends staying over for the night, please make sure they follow these rules too, if possible.

10. Please switch off the power for any electrical appliances after use. I don't care if the TV or electric kettle is off, as long as the switch is still turned on, that means electricity is flowing through and wasted. Bomb for next month: Our Tenaga Nasional Berhad bill dated 1st July is RM122.41!!

I sound very obsessive, don't I?...

Sometimes I think to decide if one knows another person well enough, a good method is not by asking one about some facts (likes/dislikes etc) regarding the other person, but by predicting one's response or opinion about certain topics or incidents.

If you came across a question such as "What would Cher Linn say if her books collapsed on the bookshelves?"

The answer is...

"Oh, it's time to buy new books to fill in the gaps!"

:D

I am totally Innocent!

to Merlinda and Yvonne:

I did NOT intend to say what I just said to that guy. Yes I think he is cute and hot and decent and speaks good English (one important factor to impress me) and friendly and is our neighbour and rich (maybe? Because he stays alone in the apartment) and ...

OK, enough description!

The thing is, I was NOT doing what you two accused me of doing and I am positive that the uncle at the mamakstall served me alcoholic teh ais during our dinner. It MUST be!!

rgtrievmapqte9458yuwnv2u9treg5t6095hbmwoe0rit9vem209??? times one to the power of a fifth!!!

short update

Yes I've got a job in KL, as a Life Science Underwriter for an insurance company. And thank God I've also found a place to settle down in the city, with my friends I know back in uni :) I'll be starting a new chapter in my life on 15th June.

Wish me all the best with my new job, will you? In full awareness that job hopping is normal for fresh graduates who're looking around for suitable career to settle down, I want to believe that this career is meant for me, that this is a place I want to settle down and stick with. Most importantly, pray that it's God's calling for me to be here.

For those who're still having holidays, enjoy your leisure time and have a safe trip, or two ;-) For those who're hunting for jobs, may you be hunted like hot cakes. For those who're going for debate tournaments, READ UP and shine UKM name for the rest of us in the team, alright? 

Smile,

Cher

And then...

waswfvoptn,lqc,qOe03t5gvbmrt039gfmmca-r5gmkfm=2=4e//;v,W,D QSVT/' .P3I504NFKSF

Mum said:

"Maybe it's time for you to look around for your significant other."

owasdalmcvcitebmz aoibmgAsDAGVG,GBo4230gdmvo qwk0ktp,v;l,bnxidj39tjh ???!!!!

Haha, I was only about to start my working life...

Bye

It was a thrill to explore the new place. I met a lot of people, and had one stranger turned into a friend. I see a little more of the outside world. To know what I like and what I don't.

At first I was happy for the change. But eventually I realise that I didn't really welcome the influence anymore. It makes me unhappy even to do the things I once enjoyed doing.

It is more important for me to keep the love for the past time than to keep in touch with the new world. Hence I decided to leave.

Rotting, a sinfuly comfortable process

I know, I know, I haven't been blogging as religiously as a nobloglergic should. I am not going to give excuses, too ;p 

Here are some short updates of my current status before I blog about something else, if I can manage two posts tonight, without missing some TV shows or sofa time with my books.

I went for the SPA interview last Thursday, but it didn't went as well as I had hope it would. Basically the main questions revolved around if I would love to serve the government in a hospital diagnostic laboratory 30 years down the road, and what do I know about being a government servant, the perks, the responsibilities and etc. Honestly, I have given all my heart to the Underwriter job I told some of you about, and it's difficult for me to tell them convincingly that I love to work in a laboratory anymore. But I had a great time catching up with my friend who was also there for the same interview with me :)

On the same day, I handed in my thesis hard cover to the office, and dealt with the (hopefully) last red tape stuff involve as a soon-to-be graduate. In the very evening, was also my last day working in the restaurant I told you guys about, instead of the next day. Because my manager told me that they've had enough people on Friday. I was cool with it, because I couldn't stand any longer with the ramdom guests I face every night because there was a dinner with Jerry and the rest on Friday evening, before I leave KL for Penang on Saturday afternoon.

Right now I'm rotting at home, procrastinating my blog updates. I do have a few topics in mind, most of them are already half way in research and could be posted soon. Some are new spur of ideas, waiting to be polished and elaborated nicely before publishing. If you were to ask what exactly am I doing at home, I'd say, reading, TVs, waiting for result of THE interview through calls, looking out for more career options, Facebook a little (It slows my connection down! I should visit it less.) and gazing at the night sky, doing absolutely nothing at all for 5 minutes a day, like I promised myself previously. Night sky in Penang can't be the prettiest, but it's the one I love most :)

Benefit of Doubt

For those who have known me for a long time, maybe you'd know that sometimes, I'm too naive a person. Sad to say, I have yet to learn how to master the skill to trust the right person, and set off the alarm when someone with evil intention get close. I have yet to realise how it will lead me to be a victim over and over again, of those who take advantage of others' genuine empathy.

I was holding a pack of dinner treated by my friend from my work place. My friend is a trainer there, and he has free trainer meal every week. This is my final week working there, and he insisted that he wanted to treat me. I was a little hungry, too. I had my dinner at 4:50pm, right before I start my shift from 5pm till 10pm. 

As I was approaching the exit of KLCC after work, there was this Chinese man from China approached me, and asked if I understand Mandarin. I am aware that sometimes tourists come across unfriendly Malaysians and have bad impression about us. So I was just trying to be nice, and see if I could help him to find his way. Kevin says I am already sort of living in KLCC anyway.

However, he was not looking for direction. He was asking me to lend him some money. He said he needed some money to buy food. Instantly I felt that he must be starving because all the shop had closed by this time (10:30pm). Then I offered him the meal my friend treated me. I thought it was a good solution-met-problem match. He needed food, I had food which I did not desparately need.

At first he turned it down, and still asked for money. He tried to give me his name card, and convince me that he will be around town for a few days and the next day he could have enough money to pay me back or treat me a meal already. It never occurred to me that I wanted him to pay me back if I had decided to lend him money. I have a traumatizing past experience with creepy stranger just because I was also only trying to be nice.

Eventually he told me that he needed money also for transport and accommodation for a night. I realised that he was asking for more now, and I apparently don't have enough money for all that. So I told him I don't have that much money with me. Then he asked me how much did I have with me. I knew I have RM70 plus because I counted it earlier to make sure I have extra money for my SPA interview tomorrow - traveling there, food and etc. But I mumbled I only have RM20. Honestly, that was the amount I would be lending/giving him should I had decided to trust him.

Thank God that I am a decidophobe. It took me a while to hesitate. There was once a motorist approached me at a bus stop, telling me that his bike has broken down, and needed some money to get his bike to repair. There was no ATM machine around, obviously. He asked for RM18. I handed him RM20. And I felt happy after that, like a cheerful giver. It never occurred to me that I wanted to have his contact number so that I could get my money back, too. I thought this time will also be the same. Someone who's desparate enough to ask for money, in the centre of a big city, at night. I can relate very well how one would feel lonely and helpless when he doesn't have enough money with him. I thought I could afford to help.

Back to the Chinese guy. So, he said, RM20 is good enough. He tried to convince me that his father will be picking him up tomorrow and he will have enough money to pay me back. I wasn't even thinking about how he is going to pay me back, because I had not even done deciding whether or not to trust him yet. And Jun Hoe's advices hit me: that not to trust strangers too easily because they are strangers after all, and when it is needed, we have to learn to say NO and be firm on our own stand.

When I finally managed enough courage to tell him that I don't want to lend him money irregards of the amount (because I couldn't get over the fact that I lied to him about the RM20), he turned his attention to the food I offered and he turned down just now. He asked, "So this is food?" And since then, I started to hesitate if I wanted to give him that too. Because it costs RM25+, which is a little too luxury for a dinner. Actually, it means more than RM25 to me, for the apparent reason - it's a treat from my friend! He wanted me to enjoy it because we probably won't be seeing each other much after this Friday!

He then grabbed the food from my hand, and when I had not done deciding if I should give him the food, he said it's alright, he would take the food instead. @!$@#%$#5 ?!! It was MY food, hello?! But it was me who offered it just now, as I tried to avoid involving money in this case. And I started anew to decide if it was alright to give him the food because he might need it more than I did, even if he could be lying about his no-money status. And a small voice inside me told me that: "Let it go, maybe he is really desparate. It's only food. You feel heavy-hearted just because it is fancy food, not because you need it to survive. You have enough money to afford some buns from the hostel cafe later and you should be thankful for that. You should just let the miserable and decidophobia-enhancing moments end here and get back hostel immediately before the curfew."

So I let it go, and the Chinese guy thanked me, though I wasn't even listening to him already. I couldn't hear anything around me as I saw him walked away, with the Chicken Crisper. I knew the food will go down to someone's stomach, which, serves the purpose of filling the hunger. I wanted to believe that it would serve a bigger purpose should someone needed it more than I did could have it. I tried to think that, maybe Nar would be happy too, that his food went to someone who would receive it gratefully.

But deep down I wasn't feeling happy. I felt that I failed terribly to defend myself - so terrible that even a stranger could push me around like that. I was frustrated with myself for not being able to be firm with my own mind. I understand that I absolutely had the right to say NO and let that Chinese guy thinks that I am unfriendly and selfish and cold-hearted and realistic and 1001 other descriptions for an unhelpful local and get hold of what is important to me, yet I let him took advantage of me being indecisive and felt too guilty being unempathic.

Kevin once said he couldn't believe as someone who's already at her final year, I am surprisingly quite a dumb person. I have no ground to disagree.

And for once I was actually recognised correctly as a Chinese instead of some exotic indigenous tribes from East Malaysia , I hated it.

If Jun Hoe is reading this, he probably is shaking his head now, again. When will I actually learn to improve? I don't want to shut down my heart and totally not feeling empathy for strangers who might be genuinely in need. I want to keep the faith in me that allows me to give people the benefit of doubt sometimes. Because I was just trying to be nice. Because I believe things may happen and may strike a person down to pleading for help. Because I want to release them from the agony of helplessness. Because I can't even tell a lie to save myself. 

Because I can't help but to be a little too empathic sometimes most of the time.

;-(

Because I...

Do you sometimes have too many things to blog about but ended up only saying a sentence which has nothing in relation to what you want to blog about?

These days I keep having random sentences popping up in my mind. Most of them starts with the word "because".

Because I know you want me.

Because I have my heart string attached to the guitar you're strumming.

Because I am not the innocent girl whom you can easily manipulate now. Because I have been away and am changed. Because I am stronger now. Because I don't feel for you now. Because you cannot influence me now. Because I don't bother to give you a damn anymore.

Because the world stops when a Burmese jokes with a Nepali like a brother :) Because nothing else matters but friendship which crosses racial, cultural and nationality borders.

Because I grow an inch more mature as I feel with my heart.

Because I wonder if you're still the same you.

Because Pau is a great guy and a helpful friend.

Because finally Keh Len reminds of something other than McD: Gossip Girls!!

Because of Sexy Kitten by Kevin and Xu Vin

Nobloglergy

When we're about to close a chapter, we really want to get everything settled, once and for all, leaving nothing still hanging around.

Things to do:

1. Print thesis for the last round. Before that, edit some minor spelling errors and add a sentence of suggestion at the Abstract, as what my examiner told me.

2. Let my viva examiner look through it before heading off to bind two copies of thesis in hard cover. One for the office, one for my supervisor. Oh. yeah, I need to print four copies, actually, another one for my co-supervisor, and last but not least, for my parents :)

3. Hand in resignation letter to the restaurant I have been working part time at (either today or tomorrow). Actually I took long leave for the past two months, because Jerry said by the time I finished my exam and while waiting for my viva, I'll be dead bored, so better keep the job so that I can return and earn some good money before I leave. Good money MY FOOT la Jerry dear ;p Now my viva actually finished before my final paper, I have to rush to finish up the final seven days of work there, in order to make it seems like I did give seven days notice prior official resignation.

4. Confirm with KTSN office regarding my Tinggal Luar Semester status, where I'll be staying and etc. They will be replacing all the old furnitures with new ones (*Note: as I am about to leave! sigh). So no one is allowed to stay in. I'm really thinking hard how to get ALL my stuff out of my room to a new place, with all the pail, printer, table lamp, BOOKS and etc. sigh. Pau are you reading this? *grin*

5. With that, I need to talk to Joan, Gina and Xue Wei about bunking at their place in Plaza Rah. I've told Sarah last night. But she said she won't be around during my stay, so I better talk to the rest regarding this. Oh yeah, their appartment has a swimming pool!

6. Work all my night away next week in the restaurant. And that reminds me that I have to inform Jerry that I can't make it to the dinner next Thurs night.

7. 13/5 has a briefing and interview with an insurance company, together with other coursemates.

8. 14/5 has an interview with SPA. Oh, I haven't figured out where the place is!! Can any kind sould please tell me where is and how to go to:

SURUHANJAYA PERKHIDMATAN AWAM MALAYSIA

JALAN CENDERASARI

50520 KUALA LUMPUR

*I'll be travelling from Chow Kit monorail station, I guess. many thanks!

9. Call back the HR from previous interview to let her know if I accept or reject their offer.

10. Going back home next Saturday :)

Next big thing: 

1. Pulau Lang Tengah trip with Jerry, Fea, Jun Hoe and Anthony, during the first week of June. Did I miss out anyone?

2. I think I wont be able to make it to the Genting trip at the end of May la. I think. Or maybe... I think... *decidophobia*

3. Graduation! The rehearsal and take the robes and etc. Hopefully already start working by that time :)

Current obsession:

1. Love Story meets Viva La Diva song. It's played non-stop since two days ago.

2. DOME food. Really. Obsessed.

3. Still have the Nobloglergy (No-Blog-Allergy). If I don't blog at least once every alternate day, my hand will have allergy and itchy.

4. Start missing the Team already.

I think that is all for now. Got to really start finishing off my to-do-list. No point listing it out but not doing it, right?

XOXO

Love Story (Taylor Swift) meets Viva La Diva (Coldplay) by Jon Schmidt

Everyone is talking about the combined work of Jon Schmidt - Love Story (Taylor Swift) meets Viva La Diva (Coldplay). I haven't had the chance to listen to it until just now, when the fragile internet connection in my hostel finally managed to load the first quarter of the song. I fell in love with Love Story ever since the first time I hear it. But Jon Schmidt gave it a twist of Coldplay, and the result is abso-fanta-awe-wonderful-some-tica-loutely astonishing!

Presenting, the beauty:



I haven't listened to the full song. Gene promised to send it to me soon. But I wonder if the connection is good enough for it to get through. Gene cepat la kia su de ma.

It’s a Part of Me

Standing below the scorching sun, I was lost. Cars passed by me, leaving dusts plastering on my face. I squinted my eyes and looked ahead of me. To my relieve, there’s a my saviour – RapidPenang bus, in its most recognisable self, approaching me, like how Rapid KL does, every time as I need a ride to KLCC.

I stretched out my hands, waving a little too frantically. Though there must be no excuse it couldn’t see me, it roamed past me, without a sign of it slowing down. Frustrated, I realised because I wasn’t at a bus stop. But where could I find a bus stop, in a foreign town where some bus stops don’t even look like one? I crossed the road, watching carefully to make sure I was not in the way of some huge, raging metal boxes, charging towards their destination. Soon enough, I saw people gathered under a shade. It looked like they were waiting for something to happen. Oh, silly, me, they were waiting for the bus, weren’t they? And the bus stop was hidden by the big trees around which provided the shade.

I stood there, waiting for another bus which had a sign saying “Jetty”. I have very limited sense of location and direction, even in Penang. If that’s what left for my instinct to tell me, then it has to be something I have to follow. Time flew as I was thinking about the interview which ended 20 minutes ago. I probably have to work in Kangar, Perlis, if I were hired. The lady who interviewed me looked hopeful, and was convincing me to really consider working somewhere not Penang or Kuala Lumpur should I be hired. I promised her that I will consider. Consider means discussing it with my parents, because it is a big thing. And the reason I want to work in Penang is also because of them.

After 20 minutes, RapidPenang 701 halted in front of me, stating “Jetti” I hopped on, paid RM1.50 and grabbed a seat. I had no idea where this bus could travel to, but if it is going to jetty, that is the end of the story. Two things I like about Rapid buses: (1) air-conditioned [Under such torturing weather, this is no longer a luxury, but a necessity.] and (2) they wait at a bus stop just long enough to let the commuters hop on and hop off, not like some other buses which waited for 30 minutes at a stop just to gather “more” passengers. I tell you what, that is exactly how they are going to gather lesser and lesser customers, because it wastes our time at every stop!

And hence, the bus moved on. It passed by some small villages, rural areas which I didn’t expect to see in Penang Island, some schools, and more villages. It also passed by some old shop houses dated back in the colonial era, where I remembered my family used to have our lunch there, at that very favourite coffee shop of ours, every time we visit Penang Island. I smiled in reflex. I remembered my favourite dish was the wantan mee and fresh orange juice. I wonder if the stall is still there.

This whole interview thing kept me thinking for the whole morning and afternoon, that whether or not I really like to work here, be it Bukit Mertajam or Penang Island. I always think that I love Penang simply because it is a fabulous place and I grew up here, period. But I have been living away from Penang for around 5 years in a roll, and was only home for not more than two months for each semester break. I was wondering if this will squeeze out the last drop of Penangite essence out of me, that I can no longer relate to this place. That, I become a foreigner to this once familiar town.

 I felt lonely. And I miss the convenient public transport in Kuala Lumpur. Where I can always say: “It’s ok, I can take a cab from the nearest LRT station.” whenever I am not quite sure of a place. And even people who have no sense of direction can speak the language of LRT Maps – that the landmark of that place is XXX so we can take YYY to ZZZ then change to ABC and from there we just need to walk a little bit more to reach the place.

The 30 minutes bus ride really opened my eyes to realise how much I am NOT a Penangite. For I don’t know so many places in Penang, and chances are, I can’t even survive in this place, let alone like it. I got down the bus heavy-hearted as we finally reached jetty. Walked all the way up to the passenger waiting area, and indulged myself in a copy of The Economist, my only familiar non-local companion in a foreign hometown, how irony.

The siren acknowledged the arrival of ferry, and I dragged my tired body to the stomach of the ferry. And before I could complain the waiting, another siren went off to prepare us for the sail.

The sail to where? The sail back to the time when I knew exactly why I love Penang. That it’s not a perfect place, but it is in ME. The dancing waves, the salty breeze, the gentle wind, the blue sky which cannot be separated from the horizon of the sea, oh, and the puffy clouds which make the whole picture priceless!

I stood at the side of the ferry, looking out at the awesome view, while listening to the wind calling my name. How could I not remember my love for the sea? And Penang has the sea that can sing away my sorrows. I remembered the beaches, my bare soles making prints on the sand as I ran along the beach from end to end, grinning like there’s nothing more fulfilling than listening to the music of waves.

My dad told us that, all the names of us four siblings, are related to the seaside. My sister has the SANd in her name, me the shell (Cher), my brother the wind, and my youngest sister, the coral. It is beautiful, isn’t it? And I wonder could it be the reason I always have the unexplainable liking for seaside. It is ME, my long lost love, and I remember now. It is a part of my history, it is a part of me always. And I want the place to watch me grow, as I take part in the development of this peaceful place.

The picture looks darker than the real scenery. Believe me, the view was truly breath-taking :)

Won a book, yay!

Arrggghhh my hands are itchy, I need to blog lol

Dad called. He told me that I won a Confession of a Shopaholic by Sophie Kinsella from Mix.Fm. MUAHAHAHAHA~ Well, thanks to Mix.Fm, it's my first time actually winning anything from those contests. Not that I took part in a lot of contests like this, especially those require some creative slogan to complete the application. I've forgotten if that contest required any slogan. Even if they did, I've forgotten what I wrote though. Anyway, I really wanted to read that book! Even if I'd watched the movie with darling Fea, Jespreet, Jerry & Sek Kuan that day. In fact, any books by Sophie Kinsella is welcome on my book shelf :) 

I'll go to Kinokuniya for my last feast before I leave KL. Must! I'll miss the feeling of being surrounded by rows and rows of book shelves, and talk about the smell of those crisp pages! *sniff* ah.. stress reliever :)