Friday, August 31, 2007


So, people, here I proudly present to you a much edited, with-loads-of-photo-uploaded-in-other-posts blog. It took me quite some time to do these changes. It started off when I decided to add something to this site and I asked my friend, Si Zhe to teach me how to, since I like some of the features at his site. Patiently, he taught me, a technophobe, step by step from upgrading my blog to adding and utilizing new features. Then I went on exploring some other features, like loading photos, which I've always wanted to do but due to slow internet connection previously, I lazy to try out.

I've added a picture at my profile and in other old posts (especially my Nov's post - OPKIM, put loads of effort there, and my July's post - fave song4, and lastly the post below this one - A walk at the Park), links to other friend's blog which I always visit, news from Google, and a poll! I'm actually thinking of removing the news (Stretch out) links, but I think I could give chance to sruvive first. If I really find it redundant, I'll just chunked it out later. About the poll, I'll think of more interesting questions to ask. I was thinking of "Who's your favourite leader?" at first, with the options as Pak Lah, Dr.M, George Bush and lastly Thaksin, maybe another is Saddam Hussein, who knows, right? But I think..nah, better use the mild one first.

I find myself slowly crawling out from the technophobiac shell, hee hee. Now I have landed myself with a friendster and MSN, which are actively adding more and more friends in it. I used to ask myself: If I don't feel like chatting with a person but this person came and start a conversation, ain't I have to entertain he/she too, for he/she's my friend? and etc. I see people leaving nonsense at someone's friendster's page, which I think..yea. If deleted it, maybe it'll annoyed that friend? Anyway, what I do now is, I only add those friends I really want to keep in touch, others, if they'll come and add me, I'll just accept. Besides, it's not that my site has a lot to offer, maybe later they'll find it boring and don't bother to come and check out my recent doings, then what's the point of keeping in touch?

Maybe a lot of people will have something to say regarding this keeping in touch thing. Yea, I'm not very socialise as some may notice, because sometimes I really can't fit into their circle you see, and I've been in more circles which I finally decided to leave than stay. Hence, I find it tiresome to be who I am not just to be with someone. Next time, if you see me talking to you, that means I think I can communicate with you and wish to treat you as real friend *smile*

I'd like to hear some feedbacks regarding these changes. It's my first big modification, you see, still excited about it :-) Next thing I'm going to explore is to change the colour and font of some of the texts and etc.

p/s: Jun Ling, when are you going to decide to change to blogspot? Hee hee.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

A Walk at the Park

Finished my mid semester exam last paper 3 hours ago. What a relieve! Not because the paper was easy, but was because everyone think it's tough! Hee hee~ Anyway, I decided to do something to adjust back my mental status, ha. I thought of going out, maybe to bookstore again. But tonight's plan of speculating the fireworks celebration of Malaysia's 50th Independence Day with Su Yin reminded me of possible traffic jams and crowd outside. I might as well get some rest on the bed with a good book. I haven't finished Jodi Picoult's Songs of the Humpback Whale. It's good I finish this book before I buy a new one.

At the end, the windy weather urged me to have a walk at Tasik Titiwangsa, a beautiful park situated right outside my hostel. Sometimes I like to ask my friends along. But I believe this time most of them went out partying to celebrate the end of the midsem exam and also independence day *smile* So, I just brought along my MP3 player and set off.

It was a nice walk. KTSN itself is a beautiful hostel, with trees all over the large compound, people playing volley ball at the court and so on. The main reason everything seemed so wonderful is because of the rain before this. It has washed the Earth clean and left the breeze to be so fresh in a piece of land situated in the middle of the KL city. Some pictures of KTSN:

It was very quite and peaceful around the park. I walked pass my favourite tunnel which is grown with leaves all over it. I walked slowly, letting my leg carry me to a place I know too well to get lost - the concourse where Eye on Malaysia fairy wheel is. I looked around the green park, but I wasn't observing. My eyes needed to relax after a few days and nights of straining as I burnt the midnight oil. The music played in my ears and the breeze blew on my face. A pair of husband and wife were playing badminton with each other. How nice is it to have a partner you can always play badminton with? Or carry out any other activities with? That's what marriage is, no? A soul mate whom you can give your hands to and walk the rest of the journey together.
Picture of Eye on Malaysia:
The lake is a wonderful place to visit if you know how to appreciate it. I wonder if the people at war would ever get a chance to experience this peacefulness? Will they ever have a moment not thinking about anything, not worrying about wandering around and not be kidnapped, with no fear about when and where the next bomb is going to land...

Malaysia is turning 50 by tonight. She is a well-blessed nation I have to say. Despite the multiracial and multicultural society, the country stands strong because the people are united. A dream fought by so many knights years ago, and they had succeded -- to announce the land independent from colonization. A journey walked by so many leaders and followers, as they headed the same direction -- to see Malaysia thrive. A future to be uphold together by the next generation -- to maintain our identity, the colourful Malaysia as she always is, and yet, a more developed country as she WILL be.

Malaysia Boleh!

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Ha.hA HoRmoNe

Is there anything more challenging than having PMS during the very-stressful-already mid sem test week?

Some more I may have to change my plan about going to Tasik Kenyir after exam. It's a trip with coursemates to take water sample from the lake for our Mikrobiologi Kesihatan dan Persekitaran (Health and Environment Microbiology) subject. Because of this "inconvenience", I may not be able to enter the lake to get hands on experience to collect water sample, so what's the point I'm following? Furthermore, we might have to sleep in tent because of tight budget. It's not the problem of sleeping in tent. In fact, I'd like to have this kind of camping experience when I have the chance to. Yet, what's the purpose of the trip again? Yea, rite, as if it's so easy to decide to go or not to go. I have to think of a way to tell my male lecturer my situation ok? Even if I followed them still, yet at the end I didn't enter the water, everyone would've guessed the reason OK? Man...Really hard to decide la, really decidophobia, as how Bernard likes to put it when I cannot make up my mind about something trivial.

Wey Wen is asking the ukm debaters for a movie some time around Independence Day, which clashes with the trip. But I'd like to join them for this too! *sigh*


Monday, August 27, 2007

What's da Point?

Just came back from my first paper of mid sem test - Biostatistics.

Some of my friend didn't buy the Introductory Statistics book which was suggested by my lecturer, Dr. Ismarul. I bought the book. The book has more explaination, examples and exercises. I studied the lecture notes. I studied the book, and tried out some of the questions in the book as well. I made sure I understand the over-simplified lecture notes because our just-graduated lecturer said formula will not be given. Hence, as the saying goes, the best way to memorize a formula is by understanding it.

I put a little extra effort to understand the (new)formula and also revise back the standard deviation, variance and etc formula which we've learnt during SPM. Why work extra hard? Because it's a 50-objective-questions-only paper, which means it's such a relieve compared to other 3-credit-hours subjects. Sooo gonna do well in it, don't I?

During exam, I didn't complain that there weren't much questions which required us to do calculation. I even scolded myself for forgetting the exact formula for variance (again). I managed to use my "understanding" to solve the problem for me during my SPM. I thought it wouldn't be a big problem for this time too.

I was wrong.

I calculated, and calculated, and calculated. It didn't work. Out of 4 options, none suited my answer. Don't make me hate maths more ok. I've tried my best to understand it.

The same goes to the Confidence Interval application questions which exact formula I managed to remember after I worked it out throughout the morning before exam.

I tried to calm down. Here's the standard deviation; here's the number of sample, n. Divide the standard devation by the square root of n then times the answer with the given Z value. OK, OK, copy down the value first... till I found the final answer, it wasn't in the options. The same goes to another similiar question. That's the only formula I know and taught by the lecturer! But previously there was another similiar question yet with the same method I managed to get the answer in first attempt. What's wrong??

I saw no one having doubt towards this situation (OK, basically I wouldn't know if one was wondering the same question as me in the exam hall because I didn't pay attention to other people in the hall). The lecturer also didn't make any announcement regarding this "uncalculatable" question. I thought the problem should be on my side. I kept my head down and did the calculation all over again, and again.

Finally, I decided I'm not going to let this question get me. A mark is a mark. I raised my hand up and caught Prof Baha's attention. I asked him. And he said:

"Oh, this question is a bonus. You can just pick any option, we'll give it as bonus."

Jaw dropped.

Not even an announcement regarding this? And I was there torturing my calculator for the answer...poor thing.

What's the point, you see. Put the question there and I thought it was suppose to differentiate those who do understand the knowledge from those who don't. At the end of the day, it's like they don't care if you've worked the formula out or understand what they taught us in class or not. Both parties still get the marks anyway. And I'm not saying for only one question, there were 3 of them!

Fine. It's over now. Coming up next is Biologi Molekul Asas and Integratif Diagnosis. Lord, may you bless me with good health throughout this exam week, and good memory too. Amen!

Sunday, August 26, 2007

The Story of the Pencil

Another article from the same book introduced in the previous post, and this one is my favourite. Enjoy.

A grandma told her grandson to be like a pencil when he grows up. What's so special about being like a pencil?
5 qualities of a pencil:

1. You are capable of great things, but you must never forget that there is a hand guiding your steps. We call that hand God, and He always guides us according to His will.

2. Now and then, the writer has to stop writing and use a sharperner. That makes the pencil suffer a little, but afterwards, he's much sharper. So we must learn to bear certain pains and sorrow, because they will make you a better person.

3.The pencil always allows us to use an eraser to rub out any mistakes. This means that correcting something we did is not necessarily a bad thing; it helps to keep us on the road to justice.

4.What really matters in a pencil is not its wooden exterior but the graphite inside. So always pay attention to what is happening inside you.

5. It always leaves a mark. In just the same way, you should know that everything you do in life will leave a mark; so try to be concious of that in every action.


Who would like this twenty-dollar bill?

No, I'm not giving away money here, but just to share a story I find interesting with you all. Here goes:

There was a lecturer who began a seminar by holding up a twenty-dollar bill and asking:

'Who would like this twenty-dollar bill?'

Several hands went up, but the lecturer said:'Before I give it to you, I have to do something.'

He screwed it up into a ball and said:'Who still wants this bill?'

The hands went up again.

'And what if I do this to it?'

He threw the crumpled bill at the wall, dropped it on the floor, insulted it, trampled on it, and once more showed them the bill - now all creased and dirty. He repeated the question, and the hands stayed up.

'Never forget this scene,'he said. 'It doesn't matter what I do to this money. It is still a twenty-dollar bill. So often in our lives, we are crumpled, trampled, ill-treated, insulted, and yet, despite all that, we are still worth the same.'

I got this story from the book Like the Flowing River by Paulo Coelho, which is the book that introduces me to this marvellous yet humble author, whom I quoted the sentence at the top of this page from. I like what were written in the book and a lot of my friends find the book interesting too. It is enlightening and inspiring, using simple analogies and short stories to relate to other incidents we might face in life.


Thursday, August 23, 2007

so sick

I'm feeling sick these days.

Quite a number of my friends are sick. Some of them cough, some of them sneeze. I was still ok. I think their immunity level had gone low due to pressure and insufficient sleep as the mid sem exam draws nearer. What have I done? I also stay up and sometimes 2 dose of coffee per day, with little water to replace those I've lost by the effect of caffein. My immunity is going low even without my friends' help with the exposure.

Today, the friend who were coughing next to me during previous lecture was absent. It was ME coughing instead. Not very severe la, just now and then a little cough as my lecturer was delivering the lecture. But enough to ring an alarm that -- it's's starting.. Am I too paranoid? ha~

Anyway, I went to 7-11 to look for Strepsil cough lozenges in purple colour, which has proven to cure my severe chesty cough in just 2-3 days previously. No, i couldn't find what I'm looking for. Fine. I'll survive anyway.

The real thing i'm sick OF is : the fact that my coursemates of different racial background, after 2 ++ years of studying together, still doesn't know who's who. I'm more to annoyed than surprised by this, as they said innocently "i don't know who's he/she.". Yes, they don't know. But at least they know someone name (let say) Nadiah AND she/he has to pay some fee to her, don't they want to at least ask around to look for Nadiah themselves? They actually just waited for the Whoever to approach them then only to pay the fee. They think it's not their fault if they didn't manage to pay for the event at the end of the day because "they don't know who to pay to". After that, it's deal. They don't owe each other and it doesn't matter who's Nadiah.

So sick.

That's what racial integration in university means huh? They are proven to have the chance to mix with each other because they are sitting in the same big lecture hall together, let alone the fact that they're actually sitting in groups of the same racial background. Fine, freedom to sit wherever you feel comfortable.

They are proven mingling around because they hold activities together, when in fact, only a race is organizing and another race is participating and complaining the work by the committee.

They are proven to communicate with each other when they have to hand in group report or project. Yet, only one party is taking the initiative to complete it in well-done form, and at the same time, egging the other to do their part and hand in on time to be compiled before submitting it to the lecturer. Yea, loads of communication here. "bila boleh siap?" , "Hari ini mesti hantar ok? Last day dah!"

It's not the effort of the government or the lecturers that's lacking but the awareness among the students is. They don't know the importance. They don't know the true meaning of getting know someone. They don't appreciate. They want unity, only of their own race, but they...have been left out of the joy in celebrating the diversity of university. They are just being ignorant. They thought if mingled with other race, their mother tongue will LOST forever, because they're getting less chance to speak in the language. So scary huh.

So sick.

S-hole day..

My new definition of asshole:

1. She had <10% confidence when she poked the needle into her friend's arm to withdraw blood. She couldn't even see the vein she's poking!
2. She locked herself out of the room.
3. Her friend invited her to an online game website with the kind intention of making her relax a little while studying for midsem exam, yet she said she'd only visit the site after said friend do the true friend test down there.
4. She asked desperately for the said friend to leave a testimony at her friendster site, which, she didn't tell her other friends about its existence at the first place.
5. She failed twice in the attempt to withdraw her friend's blood AND she sobbed outside the lab.
6. She has forgotten how to leave a comment in her friends' blog in friendster.
7. She couldn't stop talking when sitting with her ex-roommate in the library.
8. She laughs with no reason at EVERY facial expression her ex-roommate does. She thinks that girl is a born joker.
9. She confessed her feeling towards her Mr.Crush in the thank-you card she gave him as his graduation-congratulating card.
10. She's writing this post.

Yea, that's what on my mind after the long day at class and lab yesterday, felt the word repeating in my brain even more after i realised i've forgotten to bring along my room key before i left the room. How could have I done that? i've stayed in that room for more than 1 year! Stupid asshole.

If you believed that I'd ever call myself an asshole, you can add that to the list and... the definition will no longer point at me.. hee hee

Monday, August 20, 2007


Man, that was like a plague in KTSN, or was it only me?

Previously (ok, at least since July) KTSN has a fairly good coverage of wireless in several residential blocs and places like cafes and area corridoor next to the multi-purpose hall. Students with laptops or desktops have been benefited with the FREE internet access at anytime they wish to go online.

Two days ago the wireless signal suddenly went dramatically low, so slow that Internet Explorer couldn't browse a relatively isolated site(hence need much less effort to load) like this page. I had to keep convincing myself that "It's because too many flooding my Shared Days blog hence I couldn't get into it." to avoid me from breaking into CC in KTSN (where I'll have to pay for the internet access).

I even went around asking people if the same happened to them. It's not because I wanted everyone to suffer the same situation as me but it's because I never know what to do if it's only the problem with my laptop. I'm a technophobiac, you see. And I really didn't do much harm to my laptop. I dare not even explore the "complicated" stuff like *ahem* Yahoo! messenger which is on the menu bar of Internet Explorer all this while. And if it's so happened that it's my fault to spoil the computer, I just wouldn't know how to learn from my mistakes, if I know any.

For the hours when I couldn't go online in my room, I found myself wondering what will be in my mail box the next time I log in. I've addicted to internet! Man... Luckily the next day I can go to campus and online there.

Anyway, the plague seemed to resolved because now I'm sitting in my room and typing this post at my still-functioning laptop. I dunno what happened, but I hope the wireless service will erm.. always sufficient for us. I'm quite satisfy with the current connection speed actually, I don't need super-fast loading of information just to check mail. As long as I can stay in my room and e-mail my friends the homework or reports which we need to compile together at the middle of the night, I'm satisfy :-)

Wednesday, August 15, 2007


Last Sunday was my senior buddy - Yoke Hwa's convo, as well as Wey Wen's. That's the only convo session I think of going at the very beginning. Because it's on Sunday and I think I somehow had a "duty" to turn up for my buddy's convo to congratulate her and know how she is doing lately. For Wey Wen, I really wish to meet her, and return her book I Dreamed of Africa, but I think I can pass it to her later, hee hee. Just to meet her up and see if she had grown taller. Anyway, I gave my buddy a bouquet of flower and a Winnie-the-Pooh-in-graduation-robe soft toy, both gifts cost were shared among my co-buddy and each other's little buddy and grandbuddy. As for Wey Wen, I bought her a little red soft toy too, specially hand-picked by myself and shared with Lorraine.

On that day, I also met up with other graduated seniors-cum-friends, took picture together and sent them best wishes. Some are working in KL currently, so, yea, no need so sad about their leaving la.

Today, was his convo. I struggled within myself whether to go or not. I have a card to give him, but I've pasted a stamp on the envelope and some more already written his home address. I can just drop it in a post box right outside KTSN. Now the card is still with me. And I just read his blog and look at some pictures he took during his convo. And there's a little small voice inside me saying:"I could've gone for his convo.."

His convo session was schedulled at the least favourite time: in the evening(right after office hour) on a weekday. Great. Some more in the afternoon I have lab. With the mid sem exam getting nearer and nearer, I finally convince myself that I don't have to go. Fea and other debater will surely turn up with better gifts than my.. what? A small thank-you card? yea..

But somehow.. I still think I could've turn up for this event lo, to take picture with him or whatever, even though he thought this is not really a big event..

I could've gone... Sorry

random post

How much do you know about me? There's a test down there to find out! But anyway, I just feel like giving these questions a go. Just a ramdom post, no any special purpose or focus.

5 Things found in your bag
1. smelly lab coat – the smell in the lab was horribly suicidal
2. my sister’s red Wild Channel bottle, which is mine now!
3. sweater
4. pencil case
5. student card

5 Things found in your purse/wallet
1. MyCard.
2. CIMB ATM card
3. Bank Islam ATM card
4. cash
5. my secret equipment – mini mirror!

5 Favourite things in your room
1. Bible
2. teddy
3. a pair of pink ear rings which’s a birthday gift from my ex-roommates
4. current favourite book:Paulo Coelho – Like the Flowing River
5. Myself

5 Types of humans
1. good people
2. bad people
3. crazy people
4. boring people
5. lain-lain

5 Things you've always wanted to do
1. lying on bed indulging in a good book
2. read all the posts from my friends’ blog (provided good piece of writing la)
3. watch all series of Friends. ALL!!
4. try all the cakes in Secret Recipe – for free!
5. finish the Old Testament

5 Things you're currently into
1. study
2. debate
3. visiting friend’s blog
4. coffee – 2 doses (cups) everyday!
5. lab . lab . lab…

another set:
1) Name one person who made you smile last night.
- Jun Hoe

2) What were you doing at 8:00 this morning?
- still in bed. I slept at 0230 last night, ok

3) What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
- checking mails

4) What was something that happened to you in 2006?
- accepted Christ!

5) What is the last thing you said aloud?

6) How many different things did you drink today?
- Neslo and plain water. Later maybe coffee again

7) What color is your hairbrush?
- Comb? Blue

8) What was the last thing you paid for?
- My dinner. Later I got to refill my bottle with 20 cent filtered water from the render machine or whatever you call it.

9) Where were you last night?
- my room in KTSN. I don’t go out at night, usually.

10) What color is your front door?
- cream

11) Where do you keep your change?
- in a container & I only spend it on the 20 cent filtered water. Others kept as saving.

12) What is the weather like today?
- Windy and cooling. According to a survey, if the weather never change, 90% of the people couldn't start a conversation!

13) What is the best ice cream flavor?
- Yam! Ok lah, usually I get myself chocolate flavor because we don’t usual find a place selling yam flavor ice-cream.

14) What is something you are excited about?
- not excited, but anxious – mid sem exam. But after that, I’m excited about going Borders or Kinokuniya to buy myself some good books :-D

15) Do you want to cut your hair?
- NO THANKS, I spent a lot on my rebonding ok.

16) Are you over the age of 25?
- Nah, I’m always under it

17) Do you talk a lot?
- depends on the dose of coffee intake in that very day

18) Do you watch The O.C.?
- sometimes

19) Do you know anyone named Steven?
- Yes, my filthy rich course mate who studied in Taylors college previously.

20) Do you make up your own words?
- No; own abbreviation, yes, loads. I’m trained in taking notes during lecture or when adjudicating during debate, hee~

21) Are you typically a jealous person?
- Not really

22) Name a friend whose name starts with the letter “A”
- Alia Mat Salleh

23) Name a friend whose name starts with the letter “K”
- Kee Meng Fai

24) Who’s the 1st person on your received calls list?
- Stella

25) What did the last text message you received say?
- “ok. Janji Cher Linn belanja ye…Hee” by syukri

26) Do you chew on your straws?
- Noooooo

27) Do you have curly hair?
- supposedly yes.

28) Where is the next place you’re going?
- bathroom.. to clean myself from the awful smell of the lab!

29) Who is the rudest person in your life?
- Myself?

30) What is the last thing you ate?
- economic rice: rice, drumstick and some mixed vege which I don’t know how to name the dish.

31) Is marriage in your future?
- How am I suppose to know? Please call this hotline 012-34567890 and refer your question to God directly. Thank you.

32) What is the best movie you’ve seen in the past two weeks?
- Rush Hour 3.

33) Is there anyone you like right now?
- Yes there is. But it’s only temporary I guess, kee kee kee

34) When was the last time you did the dishes?
- The last time I was at home?

35) Are you currently depressed?
- No

36) Did you cry today?
- No

37) Why did you answer and post this?
- Because I have no other ideas to update this blog.

Another set:

Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.
"...formylated peptides expressed by certain bacteria and guides…" – Immunology – A Short Course, fifth edition by Richard Coico, Geoffrey Sunshine and Eli Benjamini

Stretch your left arm out as far as you can.

What is the last thing you watched on TV?
The Corpse Bride

Without looking, guess what time it is.
5:30 pm

Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
6:18 pm... Man..

With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
Noisy fan on the ceiling

When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
This morning, to –class- la!

Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
my laptop screen. .........DUH.

What are you wearing?
Last year’s FSKB convo clinical t-shirt and Romp pants

Did you dream last night?
don’t remember. I reckon no.

When did you last laugh?
A few hours ago, at my funny microbe lab group members

What are on the walls you are in?
notice board?

Seen anything weird lately?
YEAH, the bacteria which were suppose to grow on my agar plate didn’t grow!

What do you think of this quiz?
I think it's just a quiz.

What is the last film you saw?
Rush Hour3

If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
loads and loads of books in Kinokuniya, yeah~

Something about myself which most people doesn’t know:
I’m a slow reader.

If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
I won’t change anything, let the world change by itself.

George Bush:
... yea rite, anyway, thank you and now off you go.

Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?

Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?

Would you ever consider living abroad?
Not permanent stay la, just a few weeks trip maybe

What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
Well done, you’ve fulfilled your duty and made me proud of you!

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

It rains

It was a hot day since morning. But in the evening, it became so windy and comfortable. Not too long, it rained. Not the few-minutes down pour, but long enough to hypnotize you to your dreamland.

The Earth became so fresh and beautiful after rain, provided KL has not had this kind of down pour recently. It's cooling and managed to wash your mind off the long day at class, work, lab... and give you another fresh start of revision at night!

Mid sem exam is coming up in less than 2 weeks time! I seriuosly have to put my butt on the chair and do revision.

Diligent hands will rule, but laziness ends in slave labor. [Proverbs 12:24]

Monday, August 13, 2007

Outing with the debate babies

Last Friday was fun, very fun, even though we did get lost on the way back to KTSN from KLCC, but we still had our share of fun :-)

Stella came up with the idea of KTSN debaters watching movie together. Although Rush Hour 3 wasn't her original idea, but due to the majority of the juniors opted for it over Simpsons, hence, there we were, KLCC TGV, laughing out our lungs at Jackie Chan as Inspector Lee, who really doesn't want any trouble, but somehow always ends up in trouble (and of course, getting out of it) and Chris Tucker as James Carter, the wide-eyed, fast-talking African-American cop, whose primary motive in every operation is probably to get laid, with flashes of unintentional courage in between, as how my friend Zhi Wei put it in his blog.

The 11 of us met up at Kinokuniya and had dinner together at the food court. It just very pleasant to be with them. Some were quiet, some were outspoken, and Nina was the one with her digital camera taking our photos when we were not looking. But I have to say, some of the photo taken are quite artistic though!

The movie was more to a comedy than action thriller. The audience laughed together at most of the scenes, if not the entire show. That's the superb benefit of watching movie with a bunch of friends. We not only got to sit together and share the popcorn, but also to laugh together and it didn't matter who laughed the loudest, because we all were enjoying the movie. So, go ahead and laugh! I did feel the difference between watching a comedy with a friend and a bunch of friends. Compare the watching Night at the Muzium with Bernard. It was a comedy and watching movie with him was fun too, but the atmosphere was much different. The joy was like doubled or more when we shared with more people.

After the movie and visited some shops (I managed to visit the shop Room - interior products and get Jun Hoe some coasters as his graduation gift) and they bought some cakes from Secret Recipe, we headed to the bus stop. We were wondering which bus to take because it's been long I didn't visit KLCC and they said there were some changes with the bus number and probably the route. In the end, bus number 114 turned up at the bus stop. I've never boarded 114 to any place, but since they said they took 114 to reach KLCC, we assumed that we'd be able to reach our place anyway and boarded the bus.

Down the road, we didn't notice where we were heading. I didn't bother to pay attention because even if I did, I wouldn't know whether or not we were heading the "correct" direction, ha~ I have terrible sense of direction, you see. But since this time I was with a bunch of friends, I wouldn't be so scare if we get lost. We'll face it together, won't we?

And that's right, we got lost, ha~ The 114 bus was heading to Maluri, a place which I can only tell that STAR LRT -will- pass by that station. The bus driver drop us at a quite isolated station (it was quite late already) and we figured out a STAR LRT station near by. We ended up taking LRT back to Titiwangsa station and flagged down taxis to return to KTSN. And we called that a night :-)

I don't like to travel in public transport around KL at night time and I'm a person with terrible sense of direction hence I usually don't board a bus which I'm not familiar with. But this time, it was a great experience, because it's my first time, to travel in public transport and get lost in a place I was totally a strager to and yet, not feeling even a little afraid or panic. However, I see it as a joke, ha~ How often can we do that in our lives? Taking things as a joke in our life and laugh at it as it is.

That's all. Thanks to my wonderful companions namely Bernard, Stella, Lorraine, Christinal, Prisca, Matthew, Reno, J, Nina, and Issac.

By the way, if you have not noticed, I've just added a Test at the bottom of this page. Please feel free to answer some questions from me ya! Happy trying ;0)

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

On letting go

I've changed the setting or template of my site, as you have noticed. That's the only thing changed, I guess.

My life now is still the always-busy kind of schedule. Classes and assignments are getting heavier, loads of activities to attend, committment in debate team, and hence, arrangements here and there. Sometimes this idea hit me: Maybe it's time I let go something...

I once told Grace, my KTSN debate junior who's suffered from depression (not mere tension) :" You have to make up your mind, make things straight, then stick to it and stay focus."

That helped me in my past experience. Now, I think it will still be usefull, but the point is, it's hard for me to make one thing straight. Expecially when you need to let go something, such as..


It's the only thing I can let go, others are all academic, which is a part of a student's role at the first place! But since the VC Cup, I've thinking of this and sometimes, still terrified by not merely the idea of me leaving my beloved UKM
English debating team, but me thinking the idea of leaving at the first place..

I love to bring juniors to debate, be it training, tournament, attending the Grand Final of the VC Cup or movie together. I really like to be with them, or even, bring them there -myself- to make sure they will arrive safe and sound. Some more this year, there are a lot of juniors interested to stay in the debating team. Of ocurse, I still have stella, Gab and Lorraine to help me. It's not that I don't trust them, but it'll be quite a big crowd sometimes. Again, not all of us can be there for them all the time, sometimes Stella went missing, sometimes Gab went missing, sometimes I myself went missing(movie with Albert)..hence, I'm afraid it might be a burden for the available trainer sometimes, when you're talking about sending them by public transport, not chauffered by UKM bus..

This Saturday we'll have 1st training session with our new junior. We have no bus to go UKM Bangi due to the convo issue where we don't have enough bus driver to fetch only us. Next Monday is the Grand Final of the VC Cup. Again, since it's still in convo week, we can't get a transport and have to resort to public transport. I can't attend both event with them, although I wish so much that I really can. Saturday, ONLY Stella will be bringing them to and fro KTSN and Bangi; Monday we'll have Gab and Lorraine to handle the babies, to and fro faculty and Bangi, both days with public transport..

What I tell myself now is: It should be OK la..

And the next thing gradually pull out myself from the debating team? I really need to think seriously about it. Because of my studies, I really need to make one thing straight, and sacrifice.

It's the debating skill which will teach me how to organise idea I'm talking about here. It's the debating activity which will allow me to meet a lot of interesting people I'm talking about here. It's the debating moment which will bring me to my true friends in university I'm talking about here.

The idea really scares me. I haven't even learnt sufficient to call myself a real debater yet. Now I just started to learn to adjudicate, not even sure I've seen enough debate to know how real adjudication is like..Giving up really is not what I wish to choose.

I ask for strength to go through this. I ask for patience to wait for God to reveal His plan for me. I ask for wisdom to act. I ask for obedience to follow God's way. I ask for Jesus' accompanion in this walk. I ask for courage to face the challenge. I ask for joy as a blessing. And learn as I get closer to God. Amen

Thursday, August 02, 2007

For the Cup

It's another debate tournament i took part, not as a debater but as adjudicator, again, because i was way too -old- to be qualified, ha :-)

Vice Cancellor Cup, held annually by UKM Urusetia Perucapan Umum, English debating team for the purpose of recruiting new members. Hence, it's only opened for all first year juniors in UKM. Non-first years members were to come together to organise the tournament and adjudicate during the tournament itself.

Problem we faced (KTSN team):
1. Hunting KTSN team members&training:
(a) place to hold training - We had less problem in looking for juniors to join debate this year due to the reason we managed to get the forms filled by juniors themselves during orientation week from JAKSA in which they ticked which category of activity they'd like to take part. We contacted those who ticked "English Debate" and asked them to turn up on 19th July 2007 in our first meeting. The plus point here is, there were 17 of them turned up! we really didn't expect such a crowd. We only planned to do it in Cafe. Half way through the meeting, we decided it's too difficult for us to speak through such a crowd in a noisy environment in cafe. But we had no where else to go, other meeting rooms were booked, or we didn't book because we really didn't think it's necessary at the first place, ha. I heard KTSN is in fact, the biggest college (hostel) compared to colleges in Bangi. Maybe because we have our own volley ball court, basketball court, squash toom, tennis court, multipurpose hall... but meeting rooms are really lacking, moreover with the fact that KTSN is a happening college. People with different activities have their meeting every night, students occupying areas to draw posters, banners, do flyers, held discussions..

Anyway, we changed to squash room to continue our discussion, with taekwando members practising their skills in the next squash room. taekwando in squash room? yeah, no place..

For the coming trainings, we managed to do it in TV area near one of the block and sometimes if we successfully get a meeting room, we did it in a more comfortable environment. No training in volleyball court this year :-) Thank God, venue problem was fine.

(b)people to conduct training- this year the tournament was held a little too soon, honestly. We didn't really have time to let them grasp basic principles in university level debate. We were forced to have training every night after the Saturday (21st July 2007) briefing in Bangi. This actually showed the committment the juniors gave even more. They tried to turn up for every possible training so that they get sufficient guidance before the tournament. We knew how busy everyone was, assignmets and revision to complete, but I sincerely salute them for their effort. It's however, the trainers who couldn't quite make it. During some of the trainings, some trainers were not around, we couldn't run two rooms together with only me handling them. Maybe 5 or 4 teams were too much for us? Yet we couldn't let go any of them. As long as they have interest in debate, we really want to keep them. Still, we manage to go through that week.

(c)team cap
Usually tournament will have team caps in order to limit the number of teams an institution could send so that they don't somehow "flood" the tournament. Last year the team cap was 3. They said if we wanted to send more than 3 teams and some other colleges couldn't make it to 3, we can somehow use their "credit", so sending more than 3 was ok. Last year, we sent 3 teams, didn't exceed the cap, yet due to the situation needed a swing team, we, as the college sending most team and had 3 available reserves to make a new(swing) team, we were "forced" to exceed the cap.

This year, when Gab told them that we'll be sending 5 teams (initially), they said they'll have to cap us. Maybe send 3 functional teams(teams which are eligible to break if they got good scores) and 1 swing team which couldn't break into quarter regardless of their result. They suggested : good speakers put into first 3 teams then weaker speakers into swing team, hence, it -won't- make such an impact because the swing team may not be able to break anyway. Ideally, that's logic; honestly, that's true. Practically, that's hard. Reasons as below:

* Speakers by position was not beautifully balanced among the juniors. We have a lot of good 3rd speakers this year. They were all equally good, some even took up pace in improvement! We couldn't decide who was the 'weaker" one. No matter which team we put them, we see a chance for them to be a strong team. Then when we put in other speakers according to their position, we also looked at their chemistry with each other as well as other factors. Lastly, labelling the team. We didn't want to make it seemed like KTSN1 was the strongest team and weaker down the number. We..simply put a number. There were a lot of factors that made us really difficult to follow their suggestion. Will the Bangi people actually understand what we've been through? Will they ever face such a problem as how to allocate the team members, how to observe who was best in which position (mind you, 14 juniors to observe!) and etc..

We knew that's a lot, but we were trying to get as many people as possible to join debate! At the very fist meeting with the juniors we already told them firmly that we'll send everyone there. I was lucky to have Stella, Gab, Lorraine, Izzati, Thompson and Bernard to help me with the training. I knew I couldn't have made it without them.

Jerry said in his sms: As a senior debater, you should take this tournament as an opportunity to recruit as many junior debater as possible, not to make KSTN win and then let the juniors disappear after the tournament.

That's hurt.

1st, we WERE trying to resruit as many junior as possible for UKM debating team, not for KTSN! KTSN doesn't even have a person in the committee for UPU English debate team. If not, we could just take the easy way out, send only 1 team and both Stella and I could've concentrated on that 1 "best" team and feed them issues and points, this way could assure more winnings, OK? And less troublesome too, venue issue will never be an issue anymore then.

2nd, what's the problem if KTSN won? All trainers from all colleges wished their juniors will do good in the tournament, and when you see improvement from the juniors themselves, i couldn't help but wished they could make it to the final and bring back the cup. It's good if they can win, isn't it?

3rd. How could Jerry assume that ALL KTSN juniors will disappear after the tournament? In fact, they are the most -early registered- members among the other juniors into our ukmdebaters yahoogroup and have introduced themselves to the seniors.

4th how could he said that I send so many teams was to make KTSN win? I trained them to polish them. I did wish they could win, but I also want them to enjoy debate and experience the close bonding we could have by joining debate, just like what i've experienced. i wanted them to know that university is not all about academic, is not how good you can explain to me the etiology of myocardia infarction, but there are more. You will see things happened and learn to share, learn to love, learn to stand up for each other, learn to make fun of each other and later go out for movie with each other. I was the only one from my batch left, and in Stella's year, also not a lot stayed. KTSN english debaters has been a pretty lonely team. Sometimes travel alone to training, sometimes felt that Bangi people don't understand us... I was just thrilled to see such a big crowd of juniors to join the VC Cup this year.

And all i have to tell them was: because this team is the weakest team hence we make you the swing team and no matter how good or bad you do in the prelims, you're not going to break into quarter anyway.. There was one moment i felt like pulling out the entire KTSN team from the tournament so that there's no "unfairness" in it.

I talked to Jun Hoe about this. I wasn't pushing him to act on our behalf, i never will. It's just that I trust him will tell me the honest opinion on Bangi side in a better manner and also listen to me without judging me. He's always the best person to talk to, let aside he's more responsive in the sense that he will reply your message no matter how trivial it may seem. I don't need him to stand at our side either, i just need to hear things in a fair manner. Things comming from him, meng fai, and wey wen are always much easy to accept. That's why i will always listen to them.

To cut things short, Violet the convenor said there'll be no team cap and no limits on teams per college in breaking.

2. communication problem with Bangi people - this was, however, the biggest test for me. It's so different from last year. It was the same tournament, same task for me, to hunt down juniors, to organize and train them. Yet i think God wanted me to learn different thing this year. I had Gab to arrange training venues for us, Stella to take turn with me to train them, Lorraine and Izzati to care for the bunch of juniors for me. Now i'm more a trainer than last year. I thought we were doing fine in training juniors for the tournament.

(a)last minute changes in time
* Saturday briefing - At first when Stella applied for transport, we were told that the briefing would start at 9am, hence we applied for 8am bus to depart from KTSN to UKM Bangi. On friday, the day (or night) before the briefing then only we knew that the briefing would start at 10am. Moreover it's not them who inform us, it's we asking confirmation from them then only they told us. We were taken aback by the change. But what to do? We've told the driver to come at 8am. No choice, we got to waste an hour there waiting for Bangi people.

Since then this scarry idea hit me: sometimes Bangi friends think it's easy for us to travel.. i know they had no choice but to delay the briefing due to Bangi juniors have co-co, but Jerry already made exemption letter for us already wasn't he? Why do they still need to attend co-co? we at KTSN here also wish to attend co-co to make it less troublesome to hand in the exemption letter later.

*weekend prelims
it was suppose to start at 9am, as told by fea to stella. hence, we applied 8am. At first,we were told that we might not be able to get a bus because we don't have enough driver. That's crazy, man! This is the real tournament already, we really didn't want our juniors to reach there by public transport and got themselves tired of traveling even before the debate started. Worrying this issue aside, we still hadto show positive faces in our training every night. Later, the matter resolved as we followed up on friday if not mistaken, a day before the debate, and got to know that yea, we did manage to get a bus on saturday, 8am. Thank God!

Yet again, things happended. It's changed to 8am, hence, we were expected to depart from KTSN by 7am. It really took stella and I a lot of guts to make the call to our driver to ask for him to come early. We're considered very lucky to get a bus, now some more want to change the time to become -earlier- in last minute, after office hour? I felt stressed. We somehow got to negotiate with them and got the driver come earlier.

(b)no accommodation?!
The bus issue was not the worst though, I really felt like throwing up when Jerry called in the evening before the event took place and said we're somehow -too late- in telling them that we wanted to stay over night at Bangi, hence they didn't apply for accommodation for the -bunch- of us. Great. Because he thought Stella was applying the transport for us to travel back and forth for both Saturday and Sunday, by right Stella said she didn't even get a chance to talk to Jerry, it was Fea whom she talked to. This was the greatest challenge I faced in which i was tested how much I love my Bangi debater friends. To which extend i'm willing to forgive them and go through this trouble with them. I couldn't take it. I started to have doubt about them, I started to judge their intention. i felt so guilty, deep down i know they wouldn't have done them purposely, yet my anger and emotion brought me further to dislike, or even hate them.

How could you expect KTSN people to travel back and forth like this? Even if we got to do so, we wouldn't! It'll be so tiring that I'm sure juniors will quit debate after the tournament. Last year i didn't need to tell any of them that we want to stay over night, they just asked for the number of boys and girls we were sending and told us straight that we're staying over night there. I thougt Jerry or other 3rd years knew how to handle things, he was in the committee last year. Fine, we took it as -maybe we've taken for granted what was arranged last year and we really need to tell them to arrange accommodation for us if we were to stay over night at their place-.

We talked to our bus driver, then talked to his boss- the officer, then he said he'll call back, but didn't..

Again, to cut things short, i just wanted to thank God for sending me to stay with Jennifer in Kolej Idris Al-Mabawi (KIAM) in Bangi during my training for Australs. I got KIAM office number and called and settled our accommodation at Bangi myself, a non-Bangi people. Oh, with Jun Hoe's help to drive me to KIAM to register and take the keys on behalf of my juniors who had started debate on Saturday. I don't think i ge to claim back the RM47.50 accommodation fee from them. Anyway, I really owe Jun Hoe a lot..

All the problems were resolved as the round started. It's good that i could concentrate in my adjudication. I really wanted to practise what i've learnt during Australs and be a good adjud in my every round. I feel i have the responsibility to guide the other juniors who were brave enough to decide to come and join debate at the first place. They deserved our guidance, didn't they?

And somehow through the torunament, I managed to change my view about my Bangi friends. They are still the adorable people I love. Things happen, it was indeed a great challenge, and I think I did quite bad in the test. Lesson? Be more understanding and always remind myself how St. Paul defined love:

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." [1 Corinthians 13:4-7]

Anyway, this year KTSN managed to send 4 teams. Among them, 3 teams broke into quarter with 3 wins and 1 lost, which was better than last year where only 2 teams broke with 2-2. Another team got 2-2, but couldn't break just because of their total scores. We really felt that 3 teams were more than excellent, out of expectation already! That's why it is very risky to determine who was the weaker team, because we really know that they are potential speakers! However, only 1 team made it into the semi and lost in that round to a better team.

At the end of the day, the atmosphere is different this year, we were not making it to the final. Yet I got to observe that the team already built their bonding, not only among teammates, but also to the entire team. And I'm very proud of them as they take it as it was. Afterall, my objective has reached, to want them to enjoy each other's company, to enjoy the tournament itself. Most importantly, i see the most beautiful success we've reached, as a big, noisy team. We've won over the challenges together, as one family. I not only enjoyed their company, but also treasure what i've learnt from them. Fresh ideas, stumbling along the path of learning, humble, and crazy :-)

A round of applause for my KTSN babies!! (clap clap clap clap...) For the Cup, we've learnt and grown. And it's a great part of my debating memory in UKM.