Tuesday, August 07, 2007

On letting go

I've changed the setting or template of my site, as you have noticed. That's the only thing changed, I guess.

My life now is still the always-busy kind of schedule. Classes and assignments are getting heavier, loads of activities to attend, committment in debate team, and hence, arrangements here and there. Sometimes this idea hit me: Maybe it's time I let go something...

I once told Grace, my KTSN debate junior who's suffered from depression (not mere tension) :" You have to make up your mind, make things straight, then stick to it and stay focus."

That helped me in my past experience. Now, I think it will still be usefull, but the point is, it's hard for me to make one thing straight. Expecially when you need to let go something, such as..

debate.

It's the only thing I can let go, others are all academic, which is a part of a student's role at the first place! But since the VC Cup, I've thinking of this and sometimes, still terrified by not merely the idea of me leaving my beloved UKM
English debating team, but me thinking the idea of leaving at the first place..

I love to bring juniors to debate, be it training, tournament, attending the Grand Final of the VC Cup or movie together. I really like to be with them, or even, bring them there -myself- to make sure they will arrive safe and sound. Some more this year, there are a lot of juniors interested to stay in the debating team. Of ocurse, I still have stella, Gab and Lorraine to help me. It's not that I don't trust them, but it'll be quite a big crowd sometimes. Again, not all of us can be there for them all the time, sometimes Stella went missing, sometimes Gab went missing, sometimes I myself went missing(movie with Albert)..hence, I'm afraid it might be a burden for the available trainer sometimes, when you're talking about sending them by public transport, not chauffered by UKM bus..

This Saturday we'll have 1st training session with our new junior. We have no bus to go UKM Bangi due to the convo issue where we don't have enough bus driver to fetch only us. Next Monday is the Grand Final of the VC Cup. Again, since it's still in convo week, we can't get a transport and have to resort to public transport. I can't attend both event with them, although I wish so much that I really can. Saturday, ONLY Stella will be bringing them to and fro KTSN and Bangi; Monday we'll have Gab and Lorraine to handle the babies, to and fro faculty and Bangi, both days with public transport..

What I tell myself now is: It should be OK la..

And the next thing is..to gradually pull out myself from the debating team? I really need to think seriously about it. Because of my studies, I really need to make one thing straight, and sacrifice.

It's the debating skill which will teach me how to organise idea I'm talking about here. It's the debating activity which will allow me to meet a lot of interesting people I'm talking about here. It's the debating moment which will bring me to my true friends in university I'm talking about here.

The idea really scares me. I haven't even learnt sufficient to call myself a real debater yet. Now I just started to learn to adjudicate, not even sure I've seen enough debate to know how real adjudication is like..Giving up really is not what I wish to choose.

I ask for strength to go through this. I ask for patience to wait for God to reveal His plan for me. I ask for wisdom to act. I ask for obedience to follow God's way. I ask for Jesus' accompanion in this walk. I ask for courage to face the challenge. I ask for joy as a blessing. And learn as I get closer to God. Amen

2 comments:

Jun Ling said...

In uni, life is colourful :) And i do encourage young ppl like u to be active with something besides academic. it will take u far if u have something in ur future resume besides your PNGK. Leadership you shone will defninitely bring you much advantage & respect fr your interviewers. That's wat i've been thru--interviews :) As long as ur studies are still doing fine, u are fine. Maybe u can see on where & how can you save time...perhaps giving up something else which's more "unofficial" ? Or perhaps to choose how far you wanna be involved in debate? Maybe you can choose when to go for training/tournament, and when to say no. And i believe you can trust your teamamtes to bring/train the juniors...since there'll be one day you';; b e graduating...so someone out there gotto learn the responsibiblity and commitment you have, rite?
Overall, don't over push urself there till quality is robbed fr your life :) Pray to God for the right choice and decision, wherever you feel there's peace, tat should be His answer to you.
Do treasure your kolej life and uni life...my life has been enriched in ktsn and in ukm, i really treasure all the friendship made and all the experience gained, i thank God for all of them. Espeically missing CF alot! hehe...

cher linn said...

thanks dear, that piece of advice is really useful :-)
you're right, more trusting, learn to say yes AND no, and pray.
thanks for dropping by. God bless