Thursday, April 10, 2008

Aftermath

I was pretty angered last night. The raging fire consumed me so entirely that I couldn't do anything else beside going to bed early. And it wasn't a peaceful sleep either, though it managed to heal me a little from the wound.

I am pretty close with my other non-Chinese coursemates, honestly, judging by the fact that most(not all) of the time I always got first-hand information from them whenever they've arranged a replacement/extra class with lecturers, or to register subjects online etc. Hence I bear the (informal) responsibility to forward it (to Pau Ring) down the SMS chain among Chinese students to inform them about the news. I've never missed forwarding messages, be it the source is from a Chinese or Malay friend.

However, few days ago there's this circulated SMS about a tutorial by my Toxicology lecturer, Prof Salmaan. And for these entire 5 days I wasn't aware about it. Some of them up the chain received it and they as usual they assumed I was the one who forwarded it to the chain at the first place hence the one above me, Chui Yoke, didn't forward to me.

If it wasn't because I saw Siew Hui's MSN common message about tutorial which ended late hence she couldn't go for Sushi King Members' Day treat, I wouldn't have found out this plaque.
Everyone knew about it, except me, the loyal SMS forwarder. Everyone just assumed everyone knew about it, hence no verbal reminder was heard.

I'm always very sensitive towards issue about I'm the only isolated one among my coursemates. I've prayed for things to improved, and it worked, at some measures. I've shown more concern towards friends, thick-facedly asked to join them for lunch or offer to go out and do some shopping together, talked about Colby Cailat to Lee Yen, discussed hair-do fashion with Pei Yoong, told Steven to look at the bright side of having much responsibilities because of his growing talents as a leader, follow up with their blogs (such as those at the right hand side) to know what's up outside KTSN (for I'm the only Chinese girl staying in UKM hostel among my coursemates), etc. I no longer sit alone in class, but with friends all around me. We've had inside jokes about Lik Wei and how he's related to Wilson disease, Kee Siang has once in a while asks me questions about class via MSN (maybe because I'm one of the few who insists to set my MSN status as "online" rather than "away" or "busy" when I'm around). Ah Chew has once asked me:" So how's things?" - a simple question coming from a brother-in-Christ was indeed a big pat at the back; Adeline has shown most concern towards me since I told her about how I felt about myself being the weirdest "outliers" among my coursemates few months ago.

But things haven't really changed, actually. The relationship and companion I long for all this while have yet to come true. William said he also didn't receive the message but he asked about it himself. Maybe that's what I should do - depend on myself. For all the advancement in telecommunication technology mankind has achieved thus far, assumption and miscommunication have made a mocking to it, and hence holding human social networking back.

There's no point of pointing finger when things have happened. Afterall, I think I'm back to square one where I'm still the non-sociable weirdo - who loves to read about Zimbabwe and the stubborn Robert Mugabe, the Green Car Race between Toyota and GM, the skyrocketed crude oil price and inflation following the war in Middle East, the Shariah Law in British court, headscarves in Turkish university, boycotting Beijing Olympic, or global warming (yes, please close the door whenever you're in or out of an air-conditioned room), recognising Palestinian refugees, Kosovo and Kurdish independence, North Korea and its nuclear weapon, Asia and its booming economy as a whole, US and Russia conflict in allowing Georgia and Ukraine to join NATO, and other... stuff.

It's just an irony - things happened so far away from my social cycle yet I am aware about them, however for things happened right in front of my eyes I'm too blind to see them. Next time I'll be more aware about what's on around me, especially those which is not published in the paper.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Perhaps I should leave a comment here... I guess its time you put things down and don't care what other people really thought of you... Someone told me that confidence is in itself, beauty. You will meet like-minded people as you go along. if not, just enjoy the people around you! Being intellectual doesn't mean you have to talk about it all the time :)

juzcallmewen

cher linn said...

Thanks Wey Wen :)

Yes I do enjoy their presence, every bit of it, but I doubt they understand how much I appreciate them.

But it’s still far from having someone I can count on at times like this – someone who’d realize I didn’t come to class, or at least understand that if I didn’t turn up at class without any reason before hand then there must be something wrong for I don’t simply skip class.

No I’m not intelligent. I like to read about them because there’s too much I don’t know. I like to talk about them so that I’ll understand more.

Anonymous said...

SINCERELY and FRANKLY saying, NOT PROVOKING. u r sensitive enuf (perhaps too sensitive) to wat people has said to u or hav done to u. however, u are fairly NOT sensitive to wat u say to the others, always. and that hurts too. watch ur speech, and pls do think before talk. i left this comment bcoz i stil concern abt u. think about it.

p/s: u don hav to know who i m, but do listen to wat i say.

cher linn said...

You are wrong. I DO need to know who you are in order for me to follow up with you what, where and how I've done wrong. If I know my weakness, I'd have correct it long ago. The fact is I'm not. And you're not helping me by rebuking while hiding behind the shield of cyberspace.

If you insist to remain anonymous, pls at least pray for me that wisdom will be upon me one day and I'll change. Prayer is powerful.

Anonymous said...

A naive post. Hurting people but din't help in changing anything better...non constructive at all...
Guess what? i think most people will laugh or at least smile after read this.
What was told by the previos anonymous is absolutely correct, i totally agreed with it. Hopefully you take deep consideration of what had been told.

Anonymous said...

“If I know my weakness, I'd have correct it long ago. The fact is I'm not”


自大

cher linn said...

Anonie,
It's good to know someone will laugh after reading my post. Laughter is the best medicine and smile makes your face look more beautiful and younger =) It's too early to see if anything changes. If it didn't, it doesn't matter - things are difficult to change anyway. This is just a thought of mine. Which part of it is hurting then? I’ll explain about the controversial part of this post and analyse its consequences follow in a new post. Thanks for reading. Sure my post worthy of your time because you keep coming back to check it out and leave comment.

Anonie,
I acknowledge that I do have weaknesses, it’s just that I'm not aware of my it hence I stress that I need people to tell me ("You're not helping me by rebuking behing the shield of cyberspace”). You should humble yourself and finish reading what I've said and like the anonie said "think before you speak". You're just like those who simply quote a sentence from Bible and intentiously interpret it to make it to your advantage.

Anyway, please tell me Martians are invading the Earth or something, I wish to believe someone come out of nowhere from cyberspace and tell me to listen to him/her. I do. I am naive, and I always think it is a good thing.