It's scary even if just to wonder if you meant a lot to someone who means a lot to you. For all the things I did, now I wonder if it's worth while. It's easy to say as long as they're happy and I did it with a cheerful heart, any other things doesn't matter anymore. When dilemma sinks in, I wonder if I keep sacrificing in such a manner is needed at the first place.
Since last semester break, something happened to me and I yet to forget it. I hope I'm doing the right thing. And I wonder if it's time for me to let go now. Letting go of the responsibility, leaving the bunch of people whom I love dearly, for another group of people whom I equally cherish, but realise it at too late a time.
I wanted to go to Setapak for moon cake festival and birthday celebration with my coursemates this Saturday. But I have a debate training which I've promised to attend, and also to bring along KTSN juniors there. Sounds like they need more senior to attend - well, Dev said it's compulsory for all seniors anyway. And sounds like in Setapak it's ok without me attending it even if that very day is my birthday and probably the last chance for us all to have such a celebration together. The last time we have such a celebration with every coursemates was during my first year when all of my batch were staying in the hostel. Now most of them have moved out, and it's also my final year here. Shouldn't I spend more time with them in Setapak?
All these while I've put debate in the first place without much dilemma or hesitation. And I missed a lot of events. I never regretted it. Yet now I am thinking twice. They mean a lot to me, but am I to them? Will they know what have I given up to be with them?
Smile, Cher Linn, even if love hurts.
4 comments:
shud i be in ur position, i'll choose debate over mooncake with frens.
my perspective --> ur debating years have a shorter shelf life.it last as long as u're still studying in ktsn. As for hanging out with friends, u can do it anytime, anywhere. a birthday, a reunion, or perhaps a wedding.. =)
Gee, thanks Jean! I haven't thought of it this way. You are right. Thanks, it cheers me up =)
cher linn....
i reli feel 1000x bad 4 missing debate prac this sat.
but i also feel bad if i last min cancel a plan that i promised 2 go.
sigh.
but all i wana say is dat, we reli reli appreciate u. even if we r a bunch of inconsiderate, never-show-appreciation, crap-too-much-4-our-own-good juniors, we still reli appreciate u n gudness noes how KTSN debate wil thrive on without u. sorry for disappointing u at times. :S
No Xu Vin, this blog isn't really meant for you guys. It's just something that's been bugging me and I got to write it out to stop it lingering in my mind.
I do prefer you guys boldly tell me that you can't make it, rather than not being brave enough to say no in front of me then at the last minute pull out from it.
It's tough to make choices, same here. But at least be conscious that you made the decision yourself and make sure you enjoy what's following =)
p/s: I bet you're going for more shopping eh? *grin*
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