Ugly

Because what you should be afraid of, is not your friends seeing the less-than-pretty-by-your-standard pictures of you on Facebook, and judge you silently in their heads, or even talk and laugh about you. Instead, you should be afraid of making friends with people who cannot accept you after seeing the less-than-perfect side of you.

Friends, who after seeing the worst of you, still love you as you are. Generally people do not expect the ugly side of you, but it's only friends who after seeing it, they would know that it's just you being yourself. Friends, who do not agree with you for many, many things, but would still respect your opinion. It may take a life time to understand a person. But the least of all, is to have a person goes so low that he dares not tell you right at your face what he thinks about you yet talks about you at your back. And then pretends nothing ever happens.

There's a friend I trust deeply. I gave him all my secrets. I told him all the nasty things I've done. I told him my concerns and worries. I showed him my ugliest and weakest sides. He could be emotionless and annoyingly logical most of the time, but he never leaves me alone. There was only once that he scolded angrily at me. He was angry at me because he was worried about me after I told him what I've done.

Give me the world, but I'd rather abandon it if it's without this friend in it.

Heels Don't Kill

Since Monday, when I'm feeling optimistic, I thought I walk like a very demure girl; otherwise, I thought I walk like an old lady.

But no, my colleague just broke it to me: macam robot la!

Thanks to the pair of new, deceivingly-pretty heels. It's either you be their friends, or let them torture you. They don't kill like terrorists do.

*ouch*ouch*ouch*

You paham?

It's easy for you to ask someone to do the supposedly most beneficial thing when you're in the majority.

Like how the French were just stupid to impose laws unto Muslim women not to wear veil because of how the majority might feel against them. It might be true that they feel disturbed seeing women clad in cloths all over. But it's not the Muslim's fault that they feel it this way. I'd say it's only human nature to see something out of the norm. But because the people who are against the veil are the majority, they have the say, and who cares about the minority? Even if it's nothing to do with the religion, that's not right to decide how a person should or should not dress herself up. Who are you, fashion police?

At the same time we have Muslim women who don't wear headscarf. The principles behind religious practices are not easily comprehended sometimes. But one must know that the least of all, it's not you who decide how to interprete the scripture, but let the scripture itself leads you to understanding a religion. You don't get to choose which part of the scripture you'd like to believe, which you wouldn't. God is not someone you believe in the way you wish Him to be, but He is someone you have to believe even if you haven't really understand Him, yet. In fact, nobody can fully understand God. He is too smart :)

Or the way you want to abolish sekolah Jenis on the grounds that they breed racial seggregation. Or the way you want everyone to only speak BM on the basis that every Malaysian should speak national language to show our patriotism. But that's exactly how you're missing out the point. Because it so happen that BM is your mother tongue, you don't feel the hit when one is asked not to speak the language he grows up with. Not simply because you have yet to know the beauty of other mother tongues in this land. In fact, Mandarin, Tamil and other languages are no longer the total mother tongue of a Malaysian in this generation now. Because we grow up speaking rojak to everyone. There's a bit BM in the Penangite's Hokkien and Teochew, a bit English in our BM, a bit Hokkien in BM. And only Malaysians say "-la". The best way to ask a person to understand the feel of cutting one's mother tougue from his lips, is to ask him not to sound like a Malaysian.

OK, buat kerja.

random pictures

1. Swimming pool in Vistana

2. Various coloured paper stripes in random order, before a "big project" sequel.

3. One of the cards I made this week. Why does inspiration always come at night? *panda eyes*

4. The Simpsons

Come Hell or High Water, or, Monday.

Just a quick post.

It's been on my mind for more than a month now, though no doubt I've shared it with some of my close friends about it. That I am sure it must be God's plan all along. It's like the debate about whether or not it was, after all, God's plan that Judas betrayed Jesus, that Jesus knew it all along hence that's why He was very troubled about it that He was in anguish as He prayed [Luke 22:42] "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.". Or, otherwise. It doesn't mean I now think it's a right thing to be done, though. Anyway..

It's really like shower of blessings, over and over again. Like a huge, month-long celebration that as if finally I've made a right choice which is pleasing to God's eyes. Only recently that I feel the ride has slowed down a little. It's like God saying, OK, you've had enough fun now, haven't you? It's time to get back to Work.

It aches me to think about the disaster during the past weekend. But, if it's God's will that I receive what I do not deserve, I guess the celebration mentioned above were more like a farewell for me. It's just that, we're having so much fun with each other around that we didn't notice it's a farewell. It might be a good thing, after all.

And oh, Nar is back to Malaysia from Nepal for another year.

And I'm going to laugh at myself, real hard, and calculate 1 to the power of a fifth for the 700th time. And I bet Jun Hoe will no longer reply with nice words to my messages about how I screw up (and still get what I long for). Thank God I still have Xu Vin :)

But I'd rather it's meant to be a farewell than just a celebration, so that when it's here, nobody will have time to be sad, if anyone would. I'd rather Jun Hoe does the above, and the only reason I am going to wish for that is because I no longer need to send him those messages to begin with. I'd rather the whole world to laugh with me, at myself. I really, really.. wish I could have done better... sigh, let's not think about it now. I need loads of prayer and favor from God.

:)

From left:

1. A Spot of Bother - Mark Haddon

- Anyone can learn to write like Jodi Picoult, it's just that she is really good. But I guess no one can learn to even mimic Mark Haddon's style in catching one unnoticed. The writing style is quite different from Item 2, but it's nonetheless an enjoyable read. Wait, I think Roald Dahl was the one who's good at catching one by surprise. Hm..

2. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon

- I bought this book because I needed to break my RM50 for Monorail. I thought it's better to buy something useful than some random stuff for this purpose. It was part of the 3 For 2 sales in Borders. But I bought only this book that time, hence paying its original price. It's the first time I did not fall into the temptation of discount *proud* After finishing this book in a week's time, I decided that it worthed the price I paid ;)

3. Songs of the Humpback Whale - Jodi Picoult

- It's the first Jodi Picoult's book I read. Can't say I adore it to the max, but it's still a good read.

4. My Sister's Keeper - Jodi Picoult

- I cried like, so many times while reading it. A beautifully written piece!

5. Salem Falls - Jodi Picoult

- Interesting court cases, and points to ponder on. But I don't like the witch part. Sounds vague.

6. Plain Truth - Jodi Picoult

- *ahem*checks calendar* When should I start reading this book..

7. The Pact - Jodi Picoult

- *still scrutinise calender carefully*

8. Handle with Care - Jodi Picoult

- Alas, fall into the temptation of Jodi Picoult, and bought this book. Half way through it. Her magics are still effective on me :)

9. The Prayer of Jabez - Wilkinson

- A gift from Jun Ling!

10. Bible

- NIV Backpack Bible for kids, hee hee

Favourite books which are not here:

1. Change of Heart - Jodi Picoult

2. To Kill A Mocking Bird - Harper Lee

- These two books, I borrowed it from library (1) and Kimberly (2) and loved them so much that I bought a copy each for myself.

3. For One More Day - Mitch Albom

- This book, I bought its hard cover version with 20% off, no regrets.

Books I'm going to buy next:

1. House Rules - Jodi Picoult

- I'm waiting for the smaller print of the paperback version. Azrul told me that it's only going to be here next year. Really? Sigh.

P/s: YES, Azrul is working in Kinokuniya! Azrul.IS.working.in.my.favourite.going.to.marry.to.largest.book.store.in.Malaysia! Azrul is working in... *faint*

A Prayer 5

Lord Jesus,

I can feel the cup is dry, Lord. That her spirit longs to be filled with the Holy Spirit, once again. That she longs for Your comfort and encouragement. That she wants to be assured of walking this challenging path that You've chosen for her. Father, it cannot be clearer that this challenge is how You want to shape our characters. You said you will not give us burden that is too big for us to carry. You know us best and You have our best interest at heart, for You are the creator of all things.

Father I want to put June into Your mighty hands, Lord. May You bless her with guidance and wisdom to complete her thesis. For all knowledge comes from You, what is more pleasurable than writing about our discoveries of Your creation? But Jesus, we want to search carefully for Your beauty, we want to report truthfully. Jesus, I pray that with every word she writes, she is going to bring glory unto Your name. May those who have eyes to read it, be blessed with her findings, and use it to further Your purpose in mankind for such discovery.

O Lord, strengthen her and bless her with the spirit of perseverance. It is through the Holy Spirit that we are strengthen, not with our own might. For it is in You, that the weak may be strong, that the poor may be rich. Fill her with joy and dignity to worship You, with everything she does. Fill her with passion to serve You, with good time management skill and self-discipline. Even at times of trouble and turbulence, Lord, may you bless her with peace in her heart, so that she can listen to Your word. Jesus, You calmed the storms. Lord, if this is Your will, calm the storm in June's heart as the deadline draws near. For we know that You are in charge.

Last but not least, Jesus, May June find refuge in Your love when she is heavy-hearted. May You be her Rock that she can lean on. Father, we don't ask for an easy way out, or a bed of roses. But we ask for our Lord to walk with us. We may not know how much gift and strength You've given us if we weren't pushed far enough. We may not see Your wonderful works and sing praises to You if we've missed out these things in life. You said: [Matthew 11:28-30]

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

and we want to wrestle with You for the things You've promised us. Because You are the living God, and so are Your Words.

Psalm 46

God is our refuge and strength,

an ever-present help in trouble.

Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way

and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,

though its waters roar and foam

and the mountains quake with their surging.

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,

the holy place where the Most High dwells.

God is within her, she will not fall;

God will help her at break of day.

Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;

he lifts his voice, the earth melts.

The Lord Almighty is with us;

the God of Jacob is our fortress.

Come and see the works of the Lord,

the desolations he has brought on the earth.

He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth;

he breaks the bow and shatters the spear,

he burns the shields with fire.

"Be still, and know that I am God;

I will be exalted among the nations,

I will be exalted in the earth."

The Lord Almighty is with us;

the God of Jacob is our fortress.

In Lord Jesus most precious name, Amen.

Hilang Kereta, Again

My Friend warned me not to post this in my blog. She must be rewarded by knowing me so well that she knows I am going to post it in my blog after what has happened :)

I'm sorry, I just can't help it!

This time, it's with her own car. Not Soon Chien's car. Not Izza's car. We went out for dinner as usual. And as usual, being indecisive and kept changing our minds and got distracted by some other stuff we wanted to get off from our chests. Finally we headed to KLCC instead of McD after being honked by cars behind in Bulatan Pahang. And we laughed at each other while Jason Mraz's songs were played at the background.

She knew the way to KLCC (car park) so well that she could drive with her eyes closed. She did the reverse parking with little effort. And absent-mindedly we walked to the escalator towards Suria, not remembering the lesson both of us shared at the same car park, around a year ago.

We had dinner, talked, laughed, satisfied, paid the bill, paid the parking fee and looked for her car. And looked for her car. And looked for her car. And we still could laugh at each other, that the same thing repeated itself - the same people (It was also just the both of us during the first time we "lost" our car.), the same car park, with the same reason we couldn't find it. We were confused by which level we parked our car.

We sheepishly went to the car park office to look for assistance, again. With some guidance, we managed to find her car, parked innocently at a level below the one we searched. She said this kind of incident only happened when she's going out with me. I actually felt proud to hear the statement *grin*

It's always fun to have her around, no matter what has happened, even if it was to hear her groaned about her thesis. Because loving someone is not wanting them to be perfect, but knowing that they are imperfect yet not wanting them to change a bit :)

I Love My Job

Case 1:

Claims Paid: RM5,417.30

Diagnosis: Abdominal Pain

Case 2:

Claims Paid: RM12,103.50

Diagnosis: Cannot read doctor's handwriting

=)

Bila Terasa Rindu

I did not purposely look for this song. It happened to be on TV as I passed by the living room while my housemate was watching it. And I do not like it because of you. I like it because I like it.

Presenting: Bila Terasa Rindu, by Dafi

Apa agaknya khabarmu di sana?

Di sini ku sedang dibelenggu rindu

Beginikah rasa seksa perpisahan

Sungguh anehnya hidup berasingan

Hati terasa bagai tertinggal di situ

Meskipun tubuh dah jauh beribu batu

Sesaat seperti tahun lamanya

Semasa kau tiada

Apa yang terdaya

Bila terasa rindu ku sebut namamu

Dengan harapan kau akan muncul dalam tidur

Bila terasa rindu ku bayang wajahmu dalam angan

Dan barulah ku terasa bagai disembuh

Jauh sekali hidup di sini berbeza

Beribu kali lagi ku selesa di sana

Tak sabar menantikan detik kepulangan

Namun hingga itu

Apa yang termampu

Bila terasa rindu ku sebut namamu

Dengan harapan kau akan muncul dalam tidur

Bila terasa rindu ku bayang wajahmu dalam angan

Dan barulah ku terasa bagai disembuh

Terlintas di fikiran untuk meminggirkan saya

Semua pencarian di sini

Tetapi ini sebahagian dari pengorbanan

Bekalan andainya hari sukar mencabar

Of Course

I do not smile unexplainably at the sound of your name. Because I can explain it. I have been smiling the whole day because I am happy today. Not because I have been thinking about you. Even if I happened to think of you for the whole day a while, that doesn't mean you're the reason I smile. There is not chain of logic between me thinking of you and me smiling. Because, it's normal. It's just a non-exhausting smile. Everyone can do that when they're happy, right? Even if the kind of joy is not usual - like a little sparkling glitters in my guts, a butterfly that makes my heart beats with silent excitement, it doesn't mean it's something that unusual that I have to write a post about it. I mean, even if I were to think of you, it's not something I should feel guilty about. Because I think of many people everyday. Sometimes, I even ask myself why didn't the Nasi Lemak stall open that morning. Yes, that's right. Many people. You're just one of them. So not special that I can forget about you when I wake up from a good night sleep. Even if I were to meet you tomorrow, it's just a normal hang out. Of course we need to meet up with friends sometimes. And, of course I'll feel excited to meet up with friends.

We're just friends, right?

Train Trip