Even if

It makes it even more difficult to pull myself away when I was one of those who hand-picked them. When someone asked me if I will be going for Royals, I know there is something I don't hesitate to make the decision. Even if there were times I was frustrated to be taken for granted and wished I could have just left the responsibility like someone did and expect others to find a way and handle the situation themselves. Even if there are times I wonder why was I still there. Even if there are times I felt stupid to always be there for them and when others who don't, came, they replace me. Even if there were times I was left to do the shittiest job, to take everyone's interest into consideration and to worry about demotivating anyone. Even if there were times I was robbed off time to be spent with those whom I need to talk to, or actually requested to talk to me personally, yet I was full of responsibility which I not necessarily have to bear at the first place. Even if there were people who came and left, then came back again and left again, repeatedly. Even if they now have their own teams to focus on, and move on.

Presents for me?? Part 2

On top of that, the main reason I don't quite like the idea of RM 20 gift is that, you can't really put a price tag on a gift. But well, of course, when it comes to gift exchange, it's different from any other gift giving occasion because we have to be fair, right?

Believe me, it's not that I don't want to tell my housemates what I like or don't like, or what I think is right or wrong. The thing is, I won't do that before I finish debating with myself. As the writing of this post, I am still debating with myself. The main clash is between it's-not-always-about-me vs the-real-meaning-of-a-present.

Of the things I listed down in my previous post, you notice that it is something I need, and I still will be happy to receive them. But if you were looking for clues what I could like or want as a gift from you, let me tell you straight - I am looking forward for something that is priceless, made by yourself.

It is troublesome. It takes time and effort. You have to crack your mind to make it. But to me, that is exactly the main idea of a gift. That you have to stay up thinking about me. That you have to go obsessive and crazy over finding the envelope of the right size (that is my personal experience). That you have to sore your hands writing all the love messages to me, telling me how you think about me, what is the virtue you like in me, remind me of the memories we have together, telling me what kind of person I am, telling me who am I to you.

Because I like things that cannot be found and bought off from shelf conventionally. I like personalised things that are really for me only. I like to be awed by the effort you put in, not the cost of the present. I guess my love language is the combination of Receiving Gifts, Words of Affirmation and Act of Service. I guess I am not an easy-to-please person at times, huh?

But when it comes to giving gift to others, it is about them, not me. And despite my opinion on what should a present be like, I have to understand their love languages and find them presents that will make them happy and feel special. The conflict here is, I need to communicate in their love languages, not using mine. Every time I come up with an idea what to write as the message or how to present the gift, it hits me that, I need to find something that cost RM20 first. But I am still going to try. Because the more you love someone, the more you want to please them, the more sacrifices you want to make, because their happiness matters more than yours.

And that is the real meaning of a gift.

Presents for me??

My housemates and I are going to have our own gift exchange day around Christmas. There are five of us, hence we shall buy a gift for each of the two person whose names we drew out in random from Merl's hands.

What to buy for a gift with the minimum cost as RM20? I am not going to give out my idea here. Anyway, I have yet to come across gift that cost RM20 that I can buy. It is quite a difficult amount to be honest - nothing too ordinary yet nothing too fancy.

Kevin says that I am a person easy to please or make happy. At some point it is true, especially as I started wondering what would others have thought of buying me instead. Many of my friends would think of buying me books as presents. Books are my all time favourite gift. But I do have books that sit untouched on my bookshelf for reasons such as there is no chemistry between me and the book. Some of them are even my own hunts during book fair or sales in bookstore! I guess I can't force myself to buy or start reading a book if I haven't been determined in owning or reading it at the first place. Yvonne and Lian King have finished reading Candace Bushnell's Trading Up while I can never read past page two! Jodi Picoult's The Pact and Plain Truth are also collecting dust there, unless Yvonne is willing to show her mercy to them by trying out different genre of books from my little library sometimes. Having say that, I still went on and bought Jodi Picoult's Handle With Care and Khaled Hosseni's The Kite Runner after that, and started to read Handle With Care right after the purchase. Hmm..

Well, there are a lot of other things you can buy for me as a gift, really. Principle is: if you don't know what I really want or like, buy something you think I might need it. For example, stationary I might need in office, toiletries, food, and etc. Yes, these things don't need RM20. But I'd be equally glad that at least it shows you are observant of my needs :)

Suggestion:

1. the To-Do-List strip. I saw it in MPH bookstore long time ago. Now I kinda need it in office because the work load has been crazy and writing it down helps a lot in organising work flow in a systematic manner.

2. Darlie tooth paste. Seriously. I am looking for the Darlie original tooth paste, not those with added lemon mint flavor or whatever crap version. Original version, in the largest tube possible. Sometimes I can't find the original version, sometimes it is not the largest tube which means I have to buy another one very soon. And yes, I have been faithful to Darlie ever since I was a kid. That explains why you can buy me as many tubes as possible to hit RM20, because I won't change the brand of tooth paste I am using until the next 700 billion years.

3. Milo 3 in 1. I can never grow out of drinking Milo. And I drink Milo with breakfast in office everyday. You can imagine how much I need it.

4. Body shampoo of any brand. I really don't mind the brand as long it is labeled "Body Shampoo". I need it as long as I still have the habit to bath.

5. Peanut butter, fruit jam, bread butter and tuna spread. Yup, that is what I have with Gardenia bread for breakfast during weekdays. Sometimes I even keep it as my lunch so that I don't have to waste time eating out during lunch hour when I need to rush my work.

6. Clothes washing powder. You don't have to buy me a washing machine if you cannot afford it, though I'd be really grateful if you could and would, hahahaha! Well, you can buy me something to go with it, which is the washing powder, haha! It is of course a necessity in my whole life, if I haven't married to a rich Duke and start sending all my clothes for laundry services or have maids to help me with them.

7. Night light! Everybody knows I am afraid to sleep in the dark. I have a penguin night light plugged in in my room. I switched it on every night as I sleep. It gives me a sense of security. I guess I need some back-up night light in case one day my penguin suddenly decided to quit working as a slave in a tropical country.

8. Book marks! I have the habit of taking forever to finish reading a book. Most of the time I can use anything thin as a bookmark. There was once I started reading Jodi Picoult(again)'s Change of Heart right after I buy it. I actually used the receipt for that book as a book mark, haha! However it'd be lovely if I have a more beautiful bookmark for it :)

9. A4 hard cover notebook. I can use it as my adjudication sheet during debate, write my journals, or for news article archives. I love A4 size hard cover notebooks, I don't know why. Sometimes I'd have fun flipping though blank notebooks even if there wasn't anything written in it (it is totally blank!).

10. Oral B tooth brush. Yes. Tooth brush, medium softness. Oral B. :)

Christmas Deco in Pavilion!

Pictures taken in Pavilion, their Christmas deco :) Pretty glamorous I'd say.

Outside Pavilion 1

Outside Pavilion2

Christmas trees welcoming guests at the entrance

Inside Pavilion, at the concourse, more towering Christmas trees!

Look Up!

In Christmas mood :)

Being random

There is, like, SO MANY ways to react to a cute guy's random greeting that I could probably write a book out of it, but all I did was halted, mind went blank, and smiled back. At first I paused because I was trying to recall if I've seen him somewhere. His face looked familiar - his short blonde hair and blue eyes kinda reminded me of Ronan Keating, to be honest. But his accent was more like an American. Then I returned to my senses and reckoned I don't know him, so I smiled back just to be polite. I don't want them to think Malaysians are rude or so uncivilised that I don't know how to reply a friendly greeting.

I have just finished work and my mind was totally squeezed out of its normal self. I should have shouted back:

"Do you hate OSama or OBama more?"

"I am ready to take on the world with the awesome power of hashbrown!"

"What ON EARTH is wrong with Sarah Palin?"

"Let's go swimming!"

Indeed. As I realise I don't know how to be equally random in response to that random greeting, I guess I have no life in me anymore. I need to go swimming to get it back :)

And I did! Nice swim! lalala~

Lovely

Great Weekends!

I've been traveling a bit during the these two weekends. I went Kuantan during the last weekend, and I just got back from Ipoh this afternoon :)

Both were fantastic weekends! I enjoyed the interesting events that added spice to my ordinary life, the great food from different places, the laughter-filled car rides, and most importantly to me, the friends I spent time with. I feel very much alive and loved when I was with them. Nothing beats hanging out with friends during weekends. Of course, sometimes one does need time for him or herself to breathe. But I've been having that during the weekdays. Hence it's wonderful to spend time with friends when we've got the chance to.

People says, find a job that you love, and you'll never need to work again. I am not sure if I've fallen in my current job, but it does grow on me :) Without realising it, I'm giving more of myself into it. I don't complain as I wake up in the morning for work. I actually love the morning breeze as I walk to the monorail station. I haven't been going home sharp at 5:30pm since few weeks ago. Sometimes my work reminds me of the thesis-writing part of my final year in university - the whole day is about starring at the computer screen and type away! But this time, I'm glued to the desk like an addiction, or out of obsessiveness, to calculate the best rate, to make sure the review reports get done correctly, to study the hospital bill and medical reports to decide for the next step should one is needed, and to debate with myself over the options. Satisfaction comes after completing one task after another. And when more work is coming, adrenaline runs in my blood without the need of coffee!

But what I've learnt during my past part-time job experience was, no matter how enthusiastic I feel about a job/career, I must get some air to breathe if I really want to commit wholeheartedly in it. During my past two part-time job, I honestly enjoyed the first few weeks/months of working there, and hence I decided to work for longer hours. It turned out that it was a bad move to do so, because I got worn out of spirit for it, and my passion died, replaced by negative perception which blocked me from seeing the brighter side of the job. I learn that I need to take it slow and steady for it to be long-lasting.

This is a job God has blessed me with. For whatever hidden mission God has in placing me there, I want to fulfill my purpose there wholeheartedly. Everybody has different ways to give their best in something they really care about. For me, it's using the best equipment for it. If you have the best tools yet you don't spend time maintaining it or doing some quality control for the benefit of the job, then maybe you're just not that into the job, are you? :)

Here are some pictures taken during the car ride along the highway:

Here I Am.

I guess God is trying to tell me something. A message He told me long time ago, but I have forgotten. First-time mistake, was because I didn't know it. Second time mistake, was because I've forgotten the lesson, maybe it didn't hit me hard enough during the first time. When the time comes to make the same mistake for the third time, I'll make sure it wont happen :) I kept asking, how could it happen? It's too coincident! The answer is simple - because God has planned it carefully, and watched over the incidents to make sure they did happen accordingly, one after another. I was disappointed at first, and nearly loose faith in God again. But when I look back, it hits me that, it has happened in a way that could cause the least harm to my heart, the same way God has been protecting me during the first mistake. And the principles of second mistake is almost the same as the first one. The same God has always been here, but it's me who has been away. Only when I get myself back here, then can I experience the familiar warmth I once had, in God's arm.

*deep breath*

It's dangerous. Very. Somebody please stop me.

But if you've known me enough, you know that it's already too late when I say this. Or nearly. I'm still holding onto my last string of conscience with the rest of me entering the wonderland.

On another note, I'm going to Kuantan today. Will be back tomorrow afternoon. Haven't packed! And next weekend, I'm going to CHEONG JUN LING'S WEDDING in Ipoh! Congratulations, my darling!!

***

...He remembers I'm going for a friends wedding.

mixed feelings

omg omg kill me, i need to spill it out to someone fast because i cant go swimming to save my soul it keeps raining everyday Lord what are you playing at it's not funny please let me run to You and whisper my joy and anxiety and excitement and concerns and argh my heart is going to explode at the next second because hehadbeensuggestingthewholedaytomeetupforadrinkyesterdayeitherathisormyplaceandtodayhesendsmeamessagejusttotellmeilooknicetodayafterbumpingintomeattheliftandchattedalittlefomerefiveminutesandihavebeenlookingforwardforhimtotakethefirststepeversincethefirsttimeisawhim!