For the Cup

It's another debate tournament i took part, not as a debater but as adjudicator, again, because i was way too -old- to be qualified, ha :-)

Vice Cancellor Cup, held annually by UKM Urusetia Perucapan Umum, English debating team for the purpose of recruiting new members. Hence, it's only opened for all first year juniors in UKM. Non-first years members were to come together to organise the tournament and adjudicate during the tournament itself.

Problem we faced (KTSN team):
1. Hunting KTSN team members&training:
(a) place to hold training - We had less problem in looking for juniors to join debate this year due to the reason we managed to get the forms filled by juniors themselves during orientation week from JAKSA in which they ticked which category of activity they'd like to take part. We contacted those who ticked "English Debate" and asked them to turn up on 19th July 2007 in our first meeting. The plus point here is, there were 17 of them turned up! we really didn't expect such a crowd. We only planned to do it in Cafe. Half way through the meeting, we decided it's too difficult for us to speak through such a crowd in a noisy environment in cafe. But we had no where else to go, other meeting rooms were booked, or we didn't book because we really didn't think it's necessary at the first place, ha. I heard KTSN is in fact, the biggest college (hostel) compared to colleges in Bangi. Maybe because we have our own volley ball court, basketball court, squash toom, tennis court, multipurpose hall... but meeting rooms are really lacking, moreover with the fact that KTSN is a happening college. People with different activities have their meeting every night, students occupying areas to draw posters, banners, do flyers, held discussions..

Anyway, we changed to squash room to continue our discussion, with taekwando members practising their skills in the next squash room. taekwando in squash room? yeah, no place..

For the coming trainings, we managed to do it in TV area near one of the block and sometimes if we successfully get a meeting room, we did it in a more comfortable environment. No training in volleyball court this year :-) Thank God, venue problem was fine.

(b)people to conduct training- this year the tournament was held a little too soon, honestly. We didn't really have time to let them grasp basic principles in university level debate. We were forced to have training every night after the Saturday (21st July 2007) briefing in Bangi. This actually showed the committment the juniors gave even more. They tried to turn up for every possible training so that they get sufficient guidance before the tournament. We knew how busy everyone was, assignmets and revision to complete, but I sincerely salute them for their effort. It's however, the trainers who couldn't quite make it. During some of the trainings, some trainers were not around, we couldn't run two rooms together with only me handling them. Maybe 5 or 4 teams were too much for us? Yet we couldn't let go any of them. As long as they have interest in debate, we really want to keep them. Still, we manage to go through that week.

(c)team cap
Usually tournament will have team caps in order to limit the number of teams an institution could send so that they don't somehow "flood" the tournament. Last year the team cap was 3. They said if we wanted to send more than 3 teams and some other colleges couldn't make it to 3, we can somehow use their "credit", so sending more than 3 was ok. Last year, we sent 3 teams, didn't exceed the cap, yet due to the situation needed a swing team, we, as the college sending most team and had 3 available reserves to make a new(swing) team, we were "forced" to exceed the cap.

This year, when Gab told them that we'll be sending 5 teams (initially), they said they'll have to cap us. Maybe send 3 functional teams(teams which are eligible to break if they got good scores) and 1 swing team which couldn't break into quarter regardless of their result. They suggested : good speakers put into first 3 teams then weaker speakers into swing team, hence, it -won't- make such an impact because the swing team may not be able to break anyway. Ideally, that's logic; honestly, that's true. Practically, that's hard. Reasons as below:

* Speakers by position was not beautifully balanced among the juniors. We have a lot of good 3rd speakers this year. They were all equally good, some even took up pace in improvement! We couldn't decide who was the 'weaker" one. No matter which team we put them, we see a chance for them to be a strong team. Then when we put in other speakers according to their position, we also looked at their chemistry with each other as well as other factors. Lastly, labelling the team. We didn't want to make it seemed like KTSN1 was the strongest team and weaker down the number. We..simply put a number. There were a lot of factors that made us really difficult to follow their suggestion. Will the Bangi people actually understand what we've been through? Will they ever face such a problem as how to allocate the team members, how to observe who was best in which position (mind you, 14 juniors to observe!) and etc..

We knew that's a lot, but we were trying to get as many people as possible to join debate! At the very fist meeting with the juniors we already told them firmly that we'll send everyone there. I was lucky to have Stella, Gab, Lorraine, Izzati, Thompson and Bernard to help me with the training. I knew I couldn't have made it without them.

Jerry said in his sms: As a senior debater, you should take this tournament as an opportunity to recruit as many junior debater as possible, not to make KSTN win and then let the juniors disappear after the tournament.

That's hurt.

1st, we WERE trying to resruit as many junior as possible for UKM debating team, not for KTSN! KTSN doesn't even have a person in the committee for UPU English debate team. If not, we could just take the easy way out, send only 1 team and both Stella and I could've concentrated on that 1 "best" team and feed them issues and points, this way could assure more winnings, OK? And less troublesome too, venue issue will never be an issue anymore then.

2nd, what's the problem if KTSN won? All trainers from all colleges wished their juniors will do good in the tournament, and when you see improvement from the juniors themselves, i couldn't help but wished they could make it to the final and bring back the cup. It's good if they can win, isn't it?

3rd. How could Jerry assume that ALL KTSN juniors will disappear after the tournament? In fact, they are the most -early registered- members among the other juniors into our ukmdebaters yahoogroup and have introduced themselves to the seniors.

4th how could he said that I send so many teams was to make KTSN win? I trained them to polish them. I did wish they could win, but I also want them to enjoy debate and experience the close bonding we could have by joining debate, just like what i've experienced. i wanted them to know that university is not all about academic, is not how good you can explain to me the etiology of myocardia infarction, but there are more. You will see things happened and learn to share, learn to love, learn to stand up for each other, learn to make fun of each other and later go out for movie with each other. I was the only one from my batch left, and in Stella's year, also not a lot stayed. KTSN english debaters has been a pretty lonely team. Sometimes travel alone to training, sometimes felt that Bangi people don't understand us... I was just thrilled to see such a big crowd of juniors to join the VC Cup this year.

And all i have to tell them was: because this team is the weakest team hence we make you the swing team and no matter how good or bad you do in the prelims, you're not going to break into quarter anyway.. There was one moment i felt like pulling out the entire KTSN team from the tournament so that there's no "unfairness" in it.

I talked to Jun Hoe about this. I wasn't pushing him to act on our behalf, i never will. It's just that I trust him will tell me the honest opinion on Bangi side in a better manner and also listen to me without judging me. He's always the best person to talk to, let aside he's more responsive in the sense that he will reply your message no matter how trivial it may seem. I don't need him to stand at our side either, i just need to hear things in a fair manner. Things comming from him, meng fai, and wey wen are always much easy to accept. That's why i will always listen to them.

To cut things short, Violet the convenor said there'll be no team cap and no limits on teams per college in breaking.

2. communication problem with Bangi people - this was, however, the biggest test for me. It's so different from last year. It was the same tournament, same task for me, to hunt down juniors, to organize and train them. Yet i think God wanted me to learn different thing this year. I had Gab to arrange training venues for us, Stella to take turn with me to train them, Lorraine and Izzati to care for the bunch of juniors for me. Now i'm more a trainer than last year. I thought we were doing fine in training juniors for the tournament.

(a)last minute changes in time
* Saturday briefing - At first when Stella applied for transport, we were told that the briefing would start at 9am, hence we applied for 8am bus to depart from KTSN to UKM Bangi. On friday, the day (or night) before the briefing then only we knew that the briefing would start at 10am. Moreover it's not them who inform us, it's we asking confirmation from them then only they told us. We were taken aback by the change. But what to do? We've told the driver to come at 8am. No choice, we got to waste an hour there waiting for Bangi people.

Since then this scarry idea hit me: sometimes Bangi friends think it's easy for us to travel.. i know they had no choice but to delay the briefing due to Bangi juniors have co-co, but Jerry already made exemption letter for us already wasn't he? Why do they still need to attend co-co? we at KTSN here also wish to attend co-co to make it less troublesome to hand in the exemption letter later.

*weekend prelims
it was suppose to start at 9am, as told by fea to stella. hence, we applied 8am. At first,we were told that we might not be able to get a bus because we don't have enough driver. That's crazy, man! This is the real tournament already, we really didn't want our juniors to reach there by public transport and got themselves tired of traveling even before the debate started. Worrying this issue aside, we still hadto show positive faces in our training every night. Later, the matter resolved as we followed up on friday if not mistaken, a day before the debate, and got to know that yea, we did manage to get a bus on saturday, 8am. Thank God!

Yet again, things happended. It's changed to 8am, hence, we were expected to depart from KTSN by 7am. It really took stella and I a lot of guts to make the call to our driver to ask for him to come early. We're considered very lucky to get a bus, now some more want to change the time to become -earlier- in last minute, after office hour? I felt stressed. We somehow got to negotiate with them and got the driver come earlier.

(b)no accommodation?!
The bus issue was not the worst though, I really felt like throwing up when Jerry called in the evening before the event took place and said we're somehow -too late- in telling them that we wanted to stay over night at Bangi, hence they didn't apply for accommodation for the -bunch- of us. Great. Because he thought Stella was applying the transport for us to travel back and forth for both Saturday and Sunday, by right Stella said she didn't even get a chance to talk to Jerry, it was Fea whom she talked to. This was the greatest challenge I faced in which i was tested how much I love my Bangi debater friends. To which extend i'm willing to forgive them and go through this trouble with them. I couldn't take it. I started to have doubt about them, I started to judge their intention. i felt so guilty, deep down i know they wouldn't have done them purposely, yet my anger and emotion brought me further to dislike, or even hate them.

How could you expect KTSN people to travel back and forth like this? Even if we got to do so, we wouldn't! It'll be so tiring that I'm sure juniors will quit debate after the tournament. Last year i didn't need to tell any of them that we want to stay over night, they just asked for the number of boys and girls we were sending and told us straight that we're staying over night there. I thougt Jerry or other 3rd years knew how to handle things, he was in the committee last year. Fine, we took it as -maybe we've taken for granted what was arranged last year and we really need to tell them to arrange accommodation for us if we were to stay over night at their place-.

We talked to our bus driver, then talked to his boss- the officer, then he said he'll call back, but didn't..

Again, to cut things short, i just wanted to thank God for sending me to stay with Jennifer in Kolej Idris Al-Mabawi (KIAM) in Bangi during my training for Australs. I got KIAM office number and called and settled our accommodation at Bangi myself, a non-Bangi people. Oh, with Jun Hoe's help to drive me to KIAM to register and take the keys on behalf of my juniors who had started debate on Saturday. I don't think i ge to claim back the RM47.50 accommodation fee from them. Anyway, I really owe Jun Hoe a lot..

All the problems were resolved as the round started. It's good that i could concentrate in my adjudication. I really wanted to practise what i've learnt during Australs and be a good adjud in my every round. I feel i have the responsibility to guide the other juniors who were brave enough to decide to come and join debate at the first place. They deserved our guidance, didn't they?

And somehow through the torunament, I managed to change my view about my Bangi friends. They are still the adorable people I love. Things happen, it was indeed a great challenge, and I think I did quite bad in the test. Lesson? Be more understanding and always remind myself how St. Paul defined love:

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." [1 Corinthians 13:4-7]

Anyway, this year KTSN managed to send 4 teams. Among them, 3 teams broke into quarter with 3 wins and 1 lost, which was better than last year where only 2 teams broke with 2-2. Another team got 2-2, but couldn't break just because of their total scores. We really felt that 3 teams were more than excellent, out of expectation already! That's why it is very risky to determine who was the weaker team, because we really know that they are potential speakers! However, only 1 team made it into the semi and lost in that round to a better team.

At the end of the day, the atmosphere is different this year, we were not making it to the final. Yet I got to observe that the team already built their bonding, not only among teammates, but also to the entire team. And I'm very proud of them as they take it as it was. Afterall, my objective has reached, to want them to enjoy each other's company, to enjoy the tournament itself. Most importantly, i see the most beautiful success we've reached, as a big, noisy team. We've won over the challenges together, as one family. I not only enjoyed their company, but also treasure what i've learnt from them. Fresh ideas, stumbling along the path of learning, humble, and crazy :-)

A round of applause for my KTSN babies!! (clap clap clap clap...) For the Cup, we've learnt and grown. And it's a great part of my debating memory in UKM.

fave song4

Well, maybe this song may not be my all-time-favourite(in future, since i can't forsee future), but i really like it the moment i listen to it, hence i decided it deserves a place here, too. Song: Leave Out All The Rest by Linkin Park. I like some of Linkin Park songs since high school when they started gaining popularity among teens and young adults.

I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
Cause no one else cared

After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving
When I'm done here

So if you're asking me
I want you to know

[Chorus]
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed

Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
[End Chorus]

Don't be afraid
I've taken my beating
I've shared what I made

I'm strong on the surface
Not all the way through
I've never been perfect
But neither have you

So if you're asking me
I want you to know

Forgetting
All the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well

Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are

[end]

I like this song because they sang with wider vocal range in this song, and it is not really that hard-rock. That explains why i am not a total Linkin Park fan because i only accept a certain singing style of them. But they are really good in making music. Through the lines of their lyrics, sometimes i don't have to listen to -how- they sing the particular song, i already touched by the message they bring. Some, however, the lyric may seemed just plain (to someone who has average level of literature appreciation like me), yet they sing with great passion and this is the killng factor :-) I admire Linkin Park in how their songs in one album can mention about various issues, awareness etc, not solely about cupit love, which is the reason why i'm sick with most mandarin songs.

Ha, this may not be a very clear comment on what i think about Linkin Park. But overall, their rock songs are not annoying and no-so-rock songs are my favourite :-) that's why when Albert said he's thinking of buying Linkin Park's latest album, i was not surprise.

By the way, thanks Alia, for lending me your Minutes to Midnight, and enjoy your new Maroon Five too, hee hee. Also, thanks for dropping by KTSN to listen to my questions about adjudication. Alia's always been like my elder sister to me, and i always look up to her just like how i look up to Wey Wen, not only as seniors, but as a family member whom i can trust. Both of them are my senior debaters whom i've mentioned about in my previous posts. Fea, too, adorable one whom I'll always miss when she's not around making noise and killing people, hee hee. Since I've learnt how to load pictures in blogspot, here, pictures of:

Sweet Alia, in pink most of the time.

No, Fea does not always look so garang, she just likes to have a "variety" of facial expression. She's very loving actually *smile*


Always misjudged by other people as little girl, Wey Wen is also my course senior. She's holding the VC Cup trophy won by KTSN juniors last year.

That's it for this time, still enjoying Linkin Park songs :-) I'm glad to know how some of us are blessed with the ability to hear. Good songs always remind me of this great blessing. Hence, do more than hear -- listen.

confusion?

21/7/07 (beautiful saturday)

i never know there'd be anything besides going to church will shake my stand to attend any debating briefing at bangi and meet my debater friends there. Really. until last thursday.

"this saturday? Harry potter? huh...but i'm suppose to bring the KTSN debate juniors to bangi for their first briefing regarding the VC cup.."

"Sunday will be too rush for us, you have church in the morning, i also have activity at night."

After we struggled through some negotiation, i decided to give up the debate briefing and opt for movies with Albert. If i were to attend the briefing, what i need to do is just bringing them there and back. i can trust Gab to do this.. So here goes, my "personal" issue that made me couldn't attend the briefing that day. But this time, i really take it seriously, it's a big thing for me, i really want to put it at highest priority, even above debate.

As i've expected, it's a great day. luckily I managed to get two tickets on friday for Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix. After my HM (co-curriculum) class on Sat, i went to Times Square to meet up with Albert. He had to come all the way from HUKM, Cheras to KL here. At first i didn't know the reason why he'd do this. Later only i found out.

I can't say the movie was great because as usual, you never expect a positive comment from someone who has read the book twice or more. In the sense of story line, i really found that it had skipped a lot, in a very rapid pace too. Yet, surprisingly, i realised that there were dialouges between the charactors which if not mistaken, not found in the book. The way they said it was like addressing some real issues we have in our life. Sorry i can't explain more on this point but there were several scenes that really make me amaze how they could have use this way to bring out different message yet maintain the plot. i quite satisfy with this movie honestly, seeing things in a new angle and learn from a supposedly -children- movie.

After movie, we visited Borders, our favourite. i bought a new book Like a Flowing River by Paulo Coelho (again, don't really remember the names). i wanted to buy another book too -- Song of a Hummed back whale by Jodi Piccoult (please, correct the names for me if you wish to) but because i ddidn't bring enough money, so got to let go the latter. Luckily, the River book is a great book, more to inspirational type and i find the joy in reading it.

After Borders, we had our dinner at Kim Gary at Sungai Wang. As usual, it's very crowded. The food there is OK la, it's not so good to the extent that can beat my mum's. Still, i enjoyed the dinner. Because of right atmosphere and right people.

This time i may not talk so much on our outing, i want to just briefly blog about our progress.

Albert always want to continue to be my friend and at the same time, try hard to make me take him as a friend too. I never see his effort. I always thought he'll never understand how i feel(felt) about us. Once i wanted to be more than just friends, once i wanted to be only friends. Once i thought i'm going to have special feeling towards him forever; once i had cruch on my debater friend whom i thought i can finally move on from Albert and accept other "special" guys in my life. I'm the one that don't really see how things work and experience how he's felt.

He came all the way here, just because i said i wanted to watch Harry potter. There are cinema around his area, but because i'm here in KL, he came here. This is his effort, to be how a friend would have been.

Stupid me went and tell him that i still miss him sometimes, ha...and made him frustrated and disappointed with me, made him felt that he has wasted his money and time to come here because i wasn't putting effort to move on. He is right. After 2 ++ years only i realise what he has struggled through, where i have stayed and not growing up. I used to think I was only making a circle even if i tried to move on. But the truth is, i don't really put much effort as he does. I also thought that he's cold blooded, never understand my feeling. But i was terribly wrong. He does understand, and i only make him feel worse when i told him about this misunderstanding.

I'm sorry, Albert. It took me so long to crawl out from the shell i made for myself. You have always been good to me even when i doubted you care. Thank you for all that you have done, and i'm looking forward to go out with you again in future, even if it means i have to give up my debate activity, even if it means i have to go back KTSN late, and i will take it as a good day off with my good old friend, enjoying pizza and fashion show from you!

keeping it low

ok ok, now i got to convince myself that my crush is really just a crush. it is only temporary, ooonly temporary. He will soon be replace by someone, say, victor from monash? Great.

Today i travelled back KL from my homwtown Penang. Sitting next to me was a Malay guy. I don't always have good impression on guys who dyed their hair, regardless of their race. But this guy is quite charming though, especially when he kissed his dad's hand before he ride on the bus, a Malay tradition which i find quite touching. Some more it's from a stylish guy, whom i thought could've forgotten all those values. That's why, it's wrong to judge someone with their appearance.

The biggest plus point for this guy is -- he treated me a chewing gum during the long journey to KL. It may sounded like a kid who is easily kidnapped just because she took a "magic sweet rubber" from a stranger. But I don't know..I was surprised by his act and even more surprised by mine -- taking his chewing gum and beaming as i thanked him.

The important thing here is -- for just a split second, just a little act, a cheap chewing gum can knock my crush out of my mind for a while. and I'm feeling great because now I know that the crush i'm having now is just another crush and there's a cure for it!! so all i have to do now is to hold on a little longer in keeping myself from confessing my feeling to Mr.Crush and let this feeling subside.

Some may say it's better to tell one how we feel towards them for there may be no tomorrow, like the 911 incident, where a lot of people didn't really get to say their last I-love-you or I'm-sorry. But this is...different. telling him will really mean there IS no tomorrow for me. i do think of telling him, but not right now. maybe after the *ahem* event, where we no longer will meet each other very frequently. bear with it, bear with it. take a deep breathe and keep it low.

May I have another chewing gum please? hee hee

perish

Australs

It's my first ever international tournament and it happened to be held in Malaysia by the debating society of Universiti institute Teknologi Mara (UiTM), whom I always have good impression about their capability in organizing tournaments, really. Participants came from pan-australasia region, to name a few -- China, Japan, Korea, Singapore, Australia, New Zealand, California, Bangladash, Indonesia, Thailand, and Malaysia. There were more than 100 teams and 90 adjudicators took part in this tournament and we stayed in Holiday Villa Subang Resort, a 5-star hotel, from 2nd July till 9th July 2007.

On 2th July, the registration day, we arrived around 12 noon at the hotel. After filling in some forms required by the organizing committee, we hanged around to wait for checking in at 2pm as we were told. Sadly to say, ever since the first task was -delayed-. We waited 30 min and another 30 min and maybe another 1 before we got to check in to our rooms. And we WERE the lucky ones because there were people who needed to wait for even longer than us to get their rooms. At first, we got only 1 triple room for 5 people, 3 males and 2 females. Of course, I was quite surprise, how could UiTM not understand it's not a very "Malaysian" thing to mix boys and girls in a same room although we understand every word of "to cut cost". Hence, we tried to ask the committee again about this, see if there's any extra room. To cut things short, we managed to get another room, which was meant for us at the first place, just a little mixed up at the counter. Still, we undrestand very well at how things can happen at the very first day of tournament. Besides, I believe it's the hotel's problem in managing this, not the committee, because it's very usual for customers to check out around 11 am or 12 noon and hotel has around 2 hours to do housekeeping before another customer check in. Puh-lease, it's a 5-STAR hotel ok? You have 300+ customers to check in that day didn't mean that you also have 300+ customers to check out on that day per se.

After checking in, we rested in our own rooms, while waiting for the pool party at 8pm. I was pranked by Sek Kuan and Jerry who called from their room to mine and pretended to be someone else on the phone. First call was from Sek Kuan. I was already fast asleep when the phone next to me rang. I picked it up without realising he's on the line. I must have been too blurred to recognize his voice. He said someone complaint that we're too noisy in my room and asked us (salwa and I stayed together) to slow down our volume. I was shocked. "Huh..?" At the same time, I saw the TV was on, so I thought Salwa must've turned the volume a little too high when I was asleep. I knew she was watching TV before I fell asleep. Then he went on to ask us why we were there. That's a stupid question, how could a manager or receptionist ask about our private stuff like this? But yea, I was blurr enough to answer him: "debat." I know, I'm the kind of person who's easy to be tricked and naive enough to answer these question honestly. Finally, he reminded me again not to be too noisy and -for my information- there's an old man staying next door. The sense of humour just hit me and I suddenly had the feeling that it's them who made the call! But I wasn't sure, so just remained "yes, yes." and fought down the effort to laugh becuase who knows it'll be real that an old man next door was troubled by our "noisiness" by right the TV volume wasn't that high anyway and I was fast asleep.

After i hanged up, I resumed my sleep. I wasn't very please with their act because I must not be disturbed whenever I'm asleep. Sometimes if I can fall asleep again, then it'd be fine, but when I can't, that means I'm going to have headache for the rest of the night and my attention can be deviated away easily. Soon enough, Jerry called. I've guessed it got to be him when the phone rang the second time and yea, this time I could recognize his voice. But I didn't spoil it. He pretended as someone from UiTM reminding us to be punctual for the pool party tonight. I just answered "OK" with my very sleepy tone and hanged up. And wondered if Jun Hoe'd join in their prank, which is no prank to me. I was seriously disturbed by that time and I started to feel the throbbing in my head. No. Jun Hoe didn't do this, as I expected. He is mature enough I guess. During the pool party only he told me I was pranked twice.

Around 8pm, only I reluctantly dragged myself up to change. I was eager to meet other participants, at first. I was really looking foward to socialise with them. But due to disturbed sleep, I wasn't in the mood anymore. Yet I still tried to enjoy the party. It was my first ever pool party too, and everyone was gay(happy) there, I knew keeping a straight face would do me no good. Honestly, I quite enjoyed the party too, talked to several people, exchanged names with new people and shook hand with some charming guys :-) Jerry complemented that I did a fairly good job as PR for UKM team, ha. We stayed at the party until 11pm + before we decided to call it a night after we have prep talk in my room.

On 3rd July, we had briefing for debaters and adjudicators, and also a test for adjudicators. The test was quite OK for me. After the test, we went back and Jerry attended the AIDA meeting as UKM representative. At night, we attended the official opening ceremony for this tournament and watched the puppet shadow show (wayang kulit) for the first time. The music and culture were there, but because they wanted to use English in the show, I found it quite annoying because one couldn't really appreciate the usual language they use, Bahasa Malaysia. Jun Hoe agreed that they could have use BM in the show and at the same time, add the subtitle on the screen. But, well, maybe even the UiTM didn't know what plot they wanted to play.

On 4th July, the third day, only the debating rounds started. It wasn't a pleasant day, because after the first round, we waited for very long before Hafiedz came in to tell us that there was a "bug" in the tab system and hence they had to do all the tab manually. Great. Manually. Finally, the second round, and then the third round, which started at 9pm if not mistaken. The team had 2-1 after the 3 rounds. As for me, I think I was climbing up the ladder slowly for the first day. For the first round, my name wasn't there on the tab, hence they put me as a traineee with Hafiedz so he can evaluate me personally, I guessed. Sek Kuan was a panelist during the first round. Hafeidz, the Chief Adjudicator (CA), of course will be placed in a room where good debate could be expected. I was really pressurred during my first round because it wasn't an easy round and yet if I didn't do good, i'd be placed in boring room for the next round, or worse, remained as a trainee. I couldn't believe my eyes when I couldn't find my name on the tab during the first round, I really couldn't believe they'd put me as a trainee because as the DCA discussed the adjudicator test with us, I was relieved because I did answer them correctly according to their answers. But never mind, I think God place me as a trainee during the first round was to humble myself before I thought I am wise in my own eyes. For both the second and third round, however, I was a Chair with panelists! And also in better room with better speakers. I was contended.

On 5th July, we only had 2 rounds of debate, thank God! The "manual" tab system was really driving everyone mad with long waiting hours. Between the rounds, there was a women's forum. Pretty boring to me. Sometimes I think women asked for too much though..It's good we fight for equal rights to education and voting and be respected in previously decades, but affirmative action for 1/3 of top debating teams from a particular institution must be female and "lack of experience" must not be used as an excuse to be excepted from any punishment was not a thing I agree, when you take into consideration of insufficient funding from your institution and result from the tournament is a must when return, then that's different story from fighting for equal rights. This day I didn't really enjoy my adjudication. The first room was good, I didn't even mind to be a panelist to be in that room. But the second room was quite disappointing, slightly below average, and I was a panelist in that room. I wonder how did my Chair grade me in previous round. That night, we attended a semi-formal dinner with women's debate session. I didn't really enjoy the dinner because the dinner was served late ( I hate late dinner ) and..someone wasn't there. The team had 2-1, total 3-2.

On 6th July, final 3 rounds with the final two rounds as silent rounds. These two silent round contributed partly to our disaster which I'll explain here later. The team was 4-2 before the silent round. As for the silent rounds, they think they did fairly well, with slightly more confident in the last (8th) round. As for me, I was still a panelist for the first round of the day, some more in a thrashing round! I really wonder what's the problem with them! However, I was placed as a Chair with panelist in an average room for the second round because the original Chair for the room wasn't around during the adjudicator role call. Fine. But for the 8th round, I was placed as a SINGLE CHAIR! Now it didn't matter which room I was in, as long as this spell " Only me can make the decision for this room! " I hope so, ha. And the team was glad for me. Jun Hoe actually tapped my back like a proud father, ha! That night, we have our Break Night Dinner at Sunway Lagoon. The place setting was superb, but I didn't really enjoy it because I always hate late dinner. I am not exagerating when I say our dinner was served late. Or you prefer to call it morning? because I had my dinner at 12 mid night, with tea served around 7pm + . I was so tired after the 3 rounds and long waiting hours in between that I could just skip dinner and doze off on bed before I forced myself to shower and change for the dinner. As the result announced, we noticed that we didn't break for both debater and adjudicator categories. Suppose they got 4-4 and missed the break. I was too tired and numbed to feel the sadness. But I knew both Salwa and Jun Hoe were very sad ( of course! ), Jerry wasn't there for the dinner. He's sick. They started to talk about the two silent rounds. They were pretty sure they should have won the 8th round and make them 5-3 to be eligible to break into semi for English as Second Language (ESL) category. Hence they decided to consult their adjudicator for that round before referring the adjudication core.

On 7th July, Jerry and I attended the AIDA council meeting together. Again, its's a boring meeting, though I get to talk to a chraming guy from Monash University from Australia name Victor who studies music and now taking trumpet as his instrument. Interesting. We also voted for the institution who bid to organise Australs the next year. Ate Neo University from Philipine won the bid over Monash University. Surely Victor was sad. I tried to talk to Tim ( one of our DCA from Monash) about the result of the breaking teams but he said it's not the right time to talk about it yet for we were still in the meeting. That night we had beach party (at night? yea..) served with satay. It's quite a relaxing day though, with humour round to entertain us and later kicking water towards each other at the man-made beach. I miss the feeling of beach under my sole like during my childhood but I still can't buy the idea of man-made beach. Only a part of the beach is with sand you see. But overall, I did enjoy my night. Because someone was there to laugh at our secret joke about this dispropotionate handsome guy with me. Still, the urgency to meet the related adjudicator hasn't hit us.

On 8th July, as planned, we had our main stream octo final before ESL semi and later, main strean quarter final. We managed to meet the adjuds for their silent rounds before the ESL started and got the adj core especially hafeidz panic. They knew something had gone wrong yet none of them wanted to stop the round before the conflict was solved. The adjud for the 8th round told us very firmly that she gave the win to us, hence making us undoubtly 5-3, yet Lucia (anoher DCA) told us that after going through the score sheets, we were proven 4-4. Later as they went through it again, they realised that it's the chair for the 3rd round wrote the wrong winnig team in her score sheet although she gave the correct score for both teams in that very round. Hafiedz had kicked the chair out from breaking into semi due to this mistake of hers, but nothing can compensate back our chance of standing a chance for the ESL. Hafiedz even blamed that it was US who were too late in telling him this mistake. EXCUSE ME? Who got their tab system entered by bug at the first palce? Who didn't check the score sheet before entering the scores at the first place? Who was too PROUD to acknowledge his own mistake to stop the ESL semi final from proceeding when by right he KNEW there was a conflict at hand and by making things on hold can actually cover your mistake better since no harm done? It's even heartaching to see the undeserve team to enter the final round, which they did. I really regreted as Hafeidz said that we were too late to discover this mistake for I did mention to Tim about discussing the result of the breaking teams with him. I should've insisted on this issue after the meeting. I was too eager to head back our rooms after the meeting. God knows why. I told Jun Hoe honestly about this. I really felt strongly for the team for this conflict. Sad when they announced that they didn't break, panic when we sensed the mistake was not a simple mistake, frustrated when at the end, there's nothing we could do as the ESL had started.It's my first time to cry in a guy's arms like this. Thanks Jun Hoe. It should in stead be me comforting you guys for this. I wasn't even the one debating. Well, hafeidz also promised to write a letter of acknowledgement of our -supposedly- break and announce the new ranking, if not public apology. Don't try to deny, Hafiedz, you have 4 witnesses who heard this. It's still acceptable if you say this things just slipped your mind, -if- you are humble enough.

He did none even until the prize giving ceremony, which was the last formal function of this tournament. Jun Hoe asked us to look for Hafeidz for his "announcement on new ranking" before he got away. I was the one who went to ask for "public apology", which of course he has no balls, oops, I mean no guts, to acknowledge it. He then said that if we want public apology or anything, we could've told him earlier so that he can arrange it into the schedule for the night. Moron. A wise person who's done a mistake should know how to apologise or at least, to handle this without us telling or reminding him that he -needs- to do such thing, and not sweeping it under the carpet. Let's just forgive him for not being clever enough to know how to spell "wise", our Chief Adjudicator from UiTM.

After that, Hafeidz demanded to talk to Jun Hoe. He accused Jun Hoe for letting us to "humiliate" him in front of others. EXCUSE ME again! I bet no one notice what had happened around him when Salwa and I walked up to him before the crowd scattered. They were either too joyful or frustrated for the result of grand final or too busy discussing with each other about the debate itself than paying this CA who made them wait for hours between rounds any attention. Jun Hoe was very angry as Hafiedz walked away after saying such nasty things to him. It was my first time to see him in such anger, because he used the word F*** for the first time ever in front of us. I was very upset as I saw him like this. I wished I could share the burden on his shoulder and take away the anger in his heart. I kept praying "Lord, please, not on Jun Hoe, he's the nicest guy I ever seen, please don't do this to him..May You calm his heart and lift the burden on his shoulder, let me carry them instead, Lord, let me share his burden.." Soon enough, we got a message from Ai Huey, telling us that Hafeidz sent her a message telling us off as being rude to him " to ask for public apology from him" ( yea, it's rude when you know that someone's too proud to apology) and he will write a letter to our UKM deputy vice cansellor to complain about this. Good, now no more letter of acknowledgement but letter of complain. Thanks, Cher Linn. I felt so stupid.

After everything considered cooled down, Alia decided for us to have a coffee at starbuck when Salwa and Jun Hoe decided to look for AIDA council's new president to settle this matter. By the time they were back in Statbuck, everyone was quite settled and sane. They'll talk to En.Haikal or whoever admin the next day. Alia and Fea left to take Alia's car from her house to fectch us back before we held our last prep talk. I kept scolding myself (in my heart) for being stupid ever since I was in Starbuck. And I threw this out during our last prep-talk. I felt so bad, to be stupid and get the entire UKM english debating team pay for this cost (wait till they get the letter) plus, to see someone being so worn out after this issue is heartaching.

After this, Alia sent me back KTSN before sending them back hotel and hence the end of my first time ever international debate tournament experience.

I believe there is a purpose behind all these commotion. I have gained quite a lot by merely adjudicating, not to mention *ahem* the times I met with charming guys across the region. Also, the time we spent together as UKM contingent, small yet close. I cherish every moment as a psrt of journey in life. This tournament has made me grown up whether I like it or not, to look at the ugly sides of human beings, at how they can treat everyone nice in front and treat some badly secretly. Also to see how a team can reach final when by right they were not even deserve to break into semifinal at the first place. Learnt to deal with people who love smoking and drinking so much and bear with them. Learnt to look at my own feelings and experience how emotions can roar. Learnt to confess to my true self that this time, I really fall hard into someone and at how I can taste the sweetness when he was just merely present there and appreciated him so much that he need not do anyhthing purposely to draw me to him. I shall write no more, even though I never expect he'd read my blog anyway.

"Why do I need to look around, when the special someone is just sittng next to me?" was the sentence pop up in my mind when he ask me if I've noticed any cute guys during the tournament. Yes, that's the reason why I kept telling him about the disproportionate guy whom he claimed to be "quite good looking". Checking out a guy is a very superficial thing. I however, wish to know him more, and that's it. No need cute guys. He is cute enough for me, with his baby face, yet mature enough with the way he stood up for us and took up the responsibility to lead the team, and reliable enough to know we are safe whenever he's around.

stop it! the butterfly in my stomach!!

Oh man, i really dislike this kind of feeling keeps occupying my heart. It causes confusion and restlessness whether or not you think about it.

My crush towards the special someone has -grown-. Sad thing is, i know that we are going no where, it's only me in this dilemma. BAD thing is, i don't know whether he knows about it or not or -maybe- he has sensed something fishy..

what i know is, when he's in normal mood, he can always make me laugh just by showing his innocent face and innocent(not childish!) way of expressing his opinion. when he's sad or frustrated, my heart gets tightened and so wish to share his burden and emotion in side. -AND- when he's around, i always know that i can count on him, despite the fact that he keeps thinking himself as low credibility. and this person is no longer Albert.

sigh sigh.. got to go to class now.

by the way, a lot of things happened during australs, i wish i could post it first, but apparently it needs more time to structure my thoughts. later then.

how does it feel..

How does it feel, when you wished to have a gulp from the cooling tin of Pepsi, the way the liquid quench you thirst, yet you don't have enough money to buy it?

How does it feel, when your children pleaded you to let them have a go on the pony toy machine yet you don't have enough money to insert into the machine to let it go alive?

How does it feel, when you know you are working in a foreign country and have to post money back to family in hometown yet the boss you are working under cheated your salary by giving you less than you deserve?

How does it feel, when you had nothing to buy from the supermarket yet you purchased a tiny little lolipop just to have a conversation with the cashier?

How does it feel, when a boy who looked like below 18 came and bought cigarette from you, but you dare not ask how old is he for fear of offence and had to make the business dealed anyway because you boss is watching?

How does it feel, when someone ask which country you were from and how the country is now, all you can say about your mother land is.."Oh, it's no good.."

I've been feeling these emotions in just three days at work. I was working in a supermarket near my house which business cannot compare "hyper"market like Jusco (or maybe mine is mini market and Jusco is supermarket). Most of the customers are from lower middle class or third class consumers. Some of them can afford occasional satisfaction of desire like purchasing junk food, a bottle of beer, a packet of cigarette (and, ok, condom as well). Some of them make a huge purchase in one go, probably they open a smaller scale market too, hee. But some, have to make long discussion and serious struggle and consideration with their friends just to buy a RM65.00 rice cooker together. There are children who's plea, beg, or even wail at their parent to buy them candy, yet, receive a slap on their face in return.

My job seems to become easier as I learn more everyday. All i need to do is scan and collect the items in front of me into plastics bags, collect money and return balance to customers, end with a "Thank you". If all were done carefully and correctly, everything is OK. On the other hand, it becomes harder at the same time as I seen those scences and feel those emotions inside me. It's more real than a reality TV. They happen everyday.

Whenever a kid received a slap on his face from his parents and started to cry, I always pray inside me: "Lord Jesus, please forgive both the parents and the kid, for they do not know what they are doing. Let Your love bring away the pain on the kid's face and the wrath in their parents' hearts. Please be there for them, they need a Sheperd."

Whenever I received an extensively folded notes handed carefully from my customer, I pray that: "May Lord give them sufficient in their lives."

I'm also very willing to pray for those who came and bought cigarette from us. Aleast to reduce the size of purchase from 20 cigarettes per box to 14 cigarettes per box, then to targeting Hacks instead of cigarette and finally, not to see them living in crave for cigarette anymore.

And from now on, whenever I met a foreign worker, it's either I shut up and don't ask where they were from or I don't ask them how's their motherland OR, I pretend I don't know Sri Langka is in no good condition due to the Tamil Eelam issue.

wannabe a cashier?

Ha~ that's the question i got from my current boss Mr. Yap through a phone conversation on last Sunday, the Sunday when I just finished my debate training camp in KTSN.

Previously i went to this supermarket JMS near my house to be interviewed for a (part time)job there. Well, i was turned down because I can only work for him not more than one and a half months. Honestly speaking, it wasn't the first time I was turned down due to short duration of availability. Whenever i tried to look for a job during my semester break, i get this reason in return all the time.

The invitation however, seemed to come in the perfect, if not better timing. Come to think of it, I went for the interview before my debate training with a desperate heart. It could just be a slip of tongue for me to promise my boss that I can start work at any time, and leave the hassel to negotiate with my boss about taking leave for my debate training camp later. Or maybe I'd just give up the training-cum-selection camp? because I've felt the pressure when I read the motion list Ai Huey posted to me. Now, I've been through the training camp and was selected, then only come the call, hee! So I might just go to work obediently till end of June and earn myself some extra pocket money.

I've negotiated with Mr. Yap today regarding my departure in the end of June. He said it's fine, as long as I inform him 3 days before I leave. I started my work late (4/6/07) and am thinking of leaving early (not on the last day of June la), I can't help but to feel pai seh(guilty) la. Hence, I offer to work even on my off days. Dealed. I'll be working full shift during my off-days.

First day at work, as usuall, you got to ask for guidance and learn from "seniors" there. I was given the job as a cashier. So I'll be working with this cashier machine at the counter for most of the time. Other time will be spent chatting and lepaking around the supermarket when there is no customer or when I'm not on duty as a cashier, hee hee~ Hope this machine is willing to work with me also, as I have a kinda high level of technophobia. Things seemed to be OK for the first day because my "senior" who taught me about the machine said I learnt pretty fast, yay!

There are more things to be written about even it's just the first morning shift in my first day at work. Things about my seniors-cum-first friends at work who are ever so cheerful and helpful at the same time and my *ahem* handsome group leader who (disappointingly) is a smoker...NOOO~~ handsome guy should never smoke..smoking just spoilt their reputation and make me have to kick them out of my *ahem* list. sigh..

OK, got to sleep now, tomorrow I'll be working from 10am to 10pm(full shift). And I really don't want to be late for work.

Australs

"It is a difficult decision for us to make and the people we choose are not solely based on merits."

Jun Hoe announced in an uncomfortable manner during our recent debate training-cum-australs selection in my hostel KTSN.

"For the team, it consists of 2 seniors and 1 junior, they are me(Jun Hoe), Salwa, and Jerry; as for the adjudicator, we'll be sending Cher Linn."

Honestly, my heart gave a hard pound at my chest. Good news in one hand is I'm selected to go for Australs debate tournament which I really wish I could go and gain the experience of participating in such a big(international, mind you!) tournament, and I'm going there as an adjudicator(as i wish) instead of a debater(more pressure). Sad news on the other hand is(to me)..Stella wasn't selected. Well, the reason we could only send 4 people to such a big, merry tournament is because our university doesn't sponsor us enough to do so. Frankly speaking, Stella is a far better debater than I am, despite the fact that she is my junior in university(ok, we are of the same age). I also really admire her passion for debate and yet, accept the fact that she's not chosen as it is. I'm glad that she's looking forward to future tournaments, so at least i know I can also attend those tournament with her, hee :)

I simply like Stella's company. We share a lot of girls talk the night we slept in a same room and I think I begin to know her more. She is a normal girl with interesting personality. And as I continue to see her as she is, I'd appreciate her mere presence even more.

Oh, details about the debate tournament I mentioned above, you can check out the following website for more details: www.australs2007.com

So, I should start to work harder on my "general" knowledge in this one month's time. Ai Huey says one month is more than enough for me to prepare. Hope I can keep the fire burning within me and push myself harder for what I doubt I deserve. I'm in a position where a lot more (competent)people wish they are in. I should do better to prove my worth, and my credibility as an Australs adjudicator!

poor artists

there's this thought suddenly came into my mind when i heard this familiar radio station ads. the ad's to creating awareness among the music-loving people for not to support illegal downloads(of songs) anymore. the reason they give is because "any artists won't get paid" and eventually the only artist in the world would be those from the class Insecta(insects). sounds serious and logic, until this new "awareness" came to me: for the time being, the piracy rate is already kinda high, but artists are still earning loads! in a few years time in the entertainment world, a normal artist already had the ability to buy his family a bungalow, Jennifer Lopez is still able to support the expensive leather product, akon can get hinself a 100% real diamond "AKON" pendat.

fine, by supporting piracy, these artists will earn less, but will winning against piracy and let the artist earn more will benefit the world? madonna will be adopting another child from, say, north korea *laugh*, i think.

what i see from the friends around me&myself is that, if we really like the artists, we'll buy the good quality original album. if i only like 1 song from a particular album, then sorry la, of all the 13 songs u sing, i only like one, you need to work harder then, i don't mind if you stop making music anyway. that's why some artists sell their album together with posters, calender and stuff, sort a way of packaging to give more reason for people to buy the original and even to pre-order! like Jay Chow. with a normal price, his album already can sell like mad, really, his talents are not only shown by several songs but several albums! yet by buying his album, you can get a huge poster(big enough to become a wallpaper,ha)with cheap price. and the wallpaper, i mean, the poster is a very fascinating one. his true, loyal fans will never go supporting pirated CD or opt for (legal or otherwise) download, which is more troublesome, when you're talking about downloading the whole album, not 1 or 2 songs. in this case, we can see by supporting that particular artist, we get benefits. how about other artists? some of them don't even bother about the packaging thingy yet want to fight against piracy. well, even if their pirated album is in the black market, it's hard to sell, not to mention will there be any moron to copy their album at the first place. piracy maybe just don't happen to them anyway.

fighting piracy? ok, to respect the intelligent right, but it does not benefit the majority, it's a long fight then..

it's been a while~

it's been really "a" while i didn't blog. due to my final exam which lasted for 3 weeks, hee hee. quite a lot of things i'd like to write about, such as the Women's debate tournament, dinner with ai huey then watch the movie Shooter with Fea, Jespreet, Alia, Jun Hoe, Kelly and Stella, my moving-out from my current beloved KTSN room..jun ling and kimberly's graduation.. but i think..later la, ha~

today i'm really thrilled, because now i can have internet connection STRAIGHT FROM MY ROOM!! although it goes off twice already in 2 hours time, but it's considered as OK already. i usually just need it to check my mails and..ok, blog occasionally. then looking for materials is when i really have the time and mood. staring at the compter screen for longer than 1 hour is not what i like to do, except watching DVD, ha~

i'm suppose to pack my stuff, it's just a little bit more, just need to put the table lamp into its box, the kettle into its box, fold my remaining clothes and pack into the luggage, arrange the books into the box..but i feel so lazy to start packing..i'm kinda tired too. i woke up quite early this morning, to me. to do revision another time for my Virology&Mycology paper. after exam i went Borders book store at time square to grab 3 books then come back hostel, showeled and took my nap. then go lepak around KTSN. i really like KTSN, especially the room i'm staying now. i'm such a blessed girl. although the room is not the nearest to, but it is near(just a few extra steps difference)to the bus stop, CC, cafe, downstairs have a little sofa area with TV, near to the toilet at my level, quite cooling, have sun light shower into my room in the evening (so can hang my washed clothes in my room without worrying when is it going to rain), near the washing machine, everything in it is still in good condition, the light and fan are new, the cupboard...i can go on and on. some more now have wireless in my room!i hope to get back this room next year. but what i heard is.. a lot of people also aiming for this block (block H)and my room is at 2nd level, to me it's the best floor because i don't like to climb the staircase yet i think 1st floor is not safe from robberies.

i think i'll write more in my next post la, can't keep on like this, right? i should be able to let go these wordly desires for these things don't belong to me, and i don't belong here too, i was only here for a short period of time. i'll still be staying in this KTSN 1 for my 3rd year, God, i pray that you'll bless me with a wonderful year ahead. how do i define "wonderful"? God, U define it Yourself lar~ things go according to Your will ma, hee hee. i'll let you know how God define "wonderful" when i look back my 3rd year and blod it here. just don't be surprised with the way i talk to my God. He's so high up in heaven yet so near to my heart.

now i'll just pack my stuff, brush my teeth and then lie on the bed to continue with the new books i bought today. what a great night!

chocolate, anyone?

on 29th March 2007, I received my first time ever chocolate present from... well, Albert. My first reaction after I-Ling told me it's from Albert was "Huh?! Albert?". Yea, it's very unbelievable. I knew he went to Pulau Langkawi with his coursemates after their final exam for the last time (hopefully no repeat year lah, ha~) here in UKM KL Campus, but I never know he'd bring something back for me. For two consecutive years, at least I did buy him present for his birthday, dedicated things twice for him, once was during mooncake festival in our first year and another during second year's CNY celebration, and also bought him chocolate from Famous Amos on this year's Valentines' Day, not because he was my X, but because he was feeling quite down that time. It was just a chocolate to cheer him up.
It was a Thursday when i received his chocolate from his friend's girlfriend, who is also my coursemate (complicated huh). i remember the day because i had to do presentation on behalf of my Entomology Self-learning package group project. I was very nervous, some more I had class since 8am and I want to fast during lunch in conjunction with the coming Easter Day. Albert's chocolate has been with I-Ling since this weekend, but she has forgotten to bring it to me until the Thursday, which was quite a good time when I come to think of it, ha~ The chocolate just... cheered me up :-) and keep me going for the rest of the day, despite lack of sleep in the previous night.
i know Albert didn't mean anything as he gave this chocolate, because he was in Langkawi, what else you want to buy for your friends? It may be just a token of appreciation, or a farewell present... The idea aches me again. i know very well that I might not be meeting him any more. Life has to move on, but I hate the aching feeling in my heart whenever i listen to love songs in the radio, and the thought of our special friendship... how should i describe it? Nevermind I guess, it has come to an end now. I just wish him the best and hope he remembers that knowing him, makes my life worth living.
i always say he is an angel sent by God to protect my heart as I had to leave my first ex. If it's true, i think ending our friendship with a chocolate is another way God wants to protect my heart again.

Thank you, Albert. Without noticing it, you had actually walked with me a very challenging time in my life.