chocolate, anyone?

on 29th March 2007, I received my first time ever chocolate present from... well, Albert. My first reaction after I-Ling told me it's from Albert was "Huh?! Albert?". Yea, it's very unbelievable. I knew he went to Pulau Langkawi with his coursemates after their final exam for the last time (hopefully no repeat year lah, ha~) here in UKM KL Campus, but I never know he'd bring something back for me. For two consecutive years, at least I did buy him present for his birthday, dedicated things twice for him, once was during mooncake festival in our first year and another during second year's CNY celebration, and also bought him chocolate from Famous Amos on this year's Valentines' Day, not because he was my X, but because he was feeling quite down that time. It was just a chocolate to cheer him up.
It was a Thursday when i received his chocolate from his friend's girlfriend, who is also my coursemate (complicated huh). i remember the day because i had to do presentation on behalf of my Entomology Self-learning package group project. I was very nervous, some more I had class since 8am and I want to fast during lunch in conjunction with the coming Easter Day. Albert's chocolate has been with I-Ling since this weekend, but she has forgotten to bring it to me until the Thursday, which was quite a good time when I come to think of it, ha~ The chocolate just... cheered me up :-) and keep me going for the rest of the day, despite lack of sleep in the previous night.
i know Albert didn't mean anything as he gave this chocolate, because he was in Langkawi, what else you want to buy for your friends? It may be just a token of appreciation, or a farewell present... The idea aches me again. i know very well that I might not be meeting him any more. Life has to move on, but I hate the aching feeling in my heart whenever i listen to love songs in the radio, and the thought of our special friendship... how should i describe it? Nevermind I guess, it has come to an end now. I just wish him the best and hope he remembers that knowing him, makes my life worth living.
i always say he is an angel sent by God to protect my heart as I had to leave my first ex. If it's true, i think ending our friendship with a chocolate is another way God wants to protect my heart again.

Thank you, Albert. Without noticing it, you had actually walked with me a very challenging time in my life.

A Prayer

A Prayer

Heavenly Father,

I want to thank you for everything You’ve given me, especially sending these wonderful people in my life.

I want to put Jun Ling in Your mighty hand, Lord. May You bless her abundantly in her in her everyday life. She has been a great blessing in my life and I always believe it’s You who have sent her to do things for You, making impact in my life, guiding me in my journey seeking You. Holy Spirit has spoken through her when I have doubt in Your way, Lord, I knew it. She has always been a faithful servant to You, too, always wants to do things in Your way to glorify You. May her service be pleasing in Your sight, Lord, and I pray that Jesus’ precious blood will always protect her from the evil ones.

I also want to thank You for sending Kimberly in my life, for she, too, has help me a lot in strengthening my faith in You. As a spiritually-motivated person like her, she views prayer as an important tool to draw ourselves closer to You. She also says that by reading Bible daily and also memorizing scriptures can help us be more alert towards You words, so that we can hear You when You talk to us and guide us to do things in Your way. Father, may Your grace and mercy be upon her and Jesus’ love overflow her, make her a blessing to the people around her, just like how she’s been a blessing to me.

Father, You know I’ve learnt a lot from both Jun Ling and Kimberly. I’ve grown a lot with their help and guidance. They are indeed Your humble servants who work to see Your kingdom come. They’re graduating soon, Lord. I pray earnestly for them to be able to complete their final semester successfully, with You, Lord, always be their rock. For Jun Ling, Lord, she’s now having posting in Ipoh hospital. I pray that she’ll gain a lot more new knowledge and experiences in these 3 months, make her more ready to face the coming posting in March. Mighty Lord, make her a wholesome person to serve You, Lord, in the field that You’ve put her into. May Your will be done in Jun Ling,Lord. For Kimberly, she’s now struggling with her thesis. I pray, Lord, that You may bless her with wisdom in analyzing the data she obtained from her research as well as time managing, so that she may glorify You via her thesis. May the Holy Spirit speak to her and guide Kimberly to do things in Your way. Father, also bless them with good health when they’re going through all these, Lord.

Last but not least, God, I want to pray for Albert. Lord, You know how things had happened, for You are our creator and everything is under Your control. Lord, I really admire Your creativity, from the way You’ve created such a special person like Albert. Having him in my life is really a great blessing from You, Lord. I’ll never know how to express my appreciation towards You, for he has brought me joy and tears, ups and downs in my life, but nevertheless, the understanding about love. I’m willing to do things for him without asking for repay, willing to be patient towards him, willing to care for his needs and feelings, willing to see him as he is. Now I know how much more You love me, Lord, for being there when I called You, care for me when I least expected to, patiently forgiving my sins, and take me as I am, Your innocent daughter whom You have created and loved. Father I believe You have sent Albert to me to change my life, which he did. May Your will be done in him, Lord. I really thank you sincerely for giving me a chance to know such a wonderful person like him. He has made me feel safe whenever he is around, and wherever he brings me to. I know this is the feeling I suppose to have towards You, Jesus, to trust You more and feel safe with You guiding me. I also treasure the moments I spent with him, they spell “Joy” in my life.

Albert, as a second-year medical student in my campus, will be leaving with his coursemates to HUKM soon, for their coming clinical years before they graduate. Father I pray that You’ll bless him with wisdom when he deals with patients, diagnose them accurately and treat them correctly. Make him an ethical doctor, Lord, a doctor with a heart which is made of flesh, not stone. Lord I also want to pray humbly for strength for him, Jesus I pray that You will bless him with sufficient strength and alertness to withstand the long-hour on-call period. And also with good health, Lord, to keep him away from the hospital-acquired diseases. I pray for good working relationship between him and his colleagues, may he be a blessing to the people around him, too. Jesus may Your precious blood cover him from the attack of the evil ones, and the guardian angels always be with him to watch over him in his future life as a doctor who serves You humbly. Bless him abundantly Father, show him mercy and grace, and let him see miracles which only You can do.

I pray in the name of Lord Jesus Christ, Amen.

it's not a date

It’s not a date

On 3rd February 2007, we went to MidValley. Do I have to explain who were the “we” here? Ok. It’s Albert and I. we went for movie and shopped for (his) new year clothes. And it’s not a date. Joshua, one of my UKM debate friends in Bangi used to explain to me that going out with guy friends is different from going for a date, for the latter is more to giving each other a chance to see whether or not they’ll be couples in future, whereas the former is only a simple hang out.

We met at Titiwangsa Star station around 11am. It’s my first time to take Star instead of Monorail to Midvalley. Of course, travel by Star is a lot cheaper than by Monorail. Thanks to Albert, he’s taught me a lot in this LRT thingy ever since our first year. I don’t really dare to try out the Bandaraya star-ktm interchange station myself because I know it’s not really linked nicely. Both Bandaraya star and ktm stations are some distances away from each other. Me as someone who has no sense of direction, getting lost is not unusual. Then from Bank Negara (as in Bandaraya station for Star) KTM, we headed towards Midvalley.

We bought the 2:30pm movie ticket for Blood Diamond, a movie which Albert strongly suggested and me agreeing with him only after I read Jun Hoe’s suggestion in his blog. It’s not that I dislike heavy movies, just that I dislike blood-shedding-for-no-reason scenes as in Terminator series. Su Yin testified that there were some quite emotional scenes. Well, this, is what I’m looking forward to J . I just like to be reminded about some values after a movie, like in Blood Diamond, it’s about family ties, wars, humanity, greed, friendship etc. Touched? Great impact.

Oh, I shouldn’t forget to tell you how we were able to buy tickets from the counter with only 10 min queue during WEEKENDS! We’ve expected long queues for movie tickets. So we went to line up obediently, at counter 5. Very soon, counter 6 opened. Some people in front of us left their counter-5 queue and lined up at counter 6, so as we. Within 2 minutes, counter 7 opened, so we just left the queue again and lined up at counter 7, waited for around 4 customers to reach our turn. Unbelievable? Believe it. I’m here to testify that “God will make a way, when there seems to be no way.” I prayed for our outing earnestly for several times already. I knew it’s His mighty hands with great mercy that make this happened. I smiled, and praised our creative God in my heart.

Oh, before the movie, we went for Pizza! I like pizza, but maybe not as much as Albert does, haa, he sounded like a Pizza Hut maniac when he told me about it. It’s even funnier to know that for him, one feels more for the atmosphere in the restaurant if we had pizza as dinner, kekeke… I told him that I was starving, so I’d feel the atmosphere the same. I couldn’t believe I can make him to give in to me for this. We ate and chatted and laughed. We talked mostly about our families members. I enjoyed sharing these with him, and would like to hear more about his in future. He commented that I ate slow. Hey! He was the one asking me a bunch of questions and I spent my time answering them, that’s why. He’s finished his whole plate of meatball Bolognese (his favourite) when I was still half way through my first piece of pizza. When he’s done with his third piece of pizza (some more with knife and fork, and me with only bare hands) then only I was done with my second, and being demanded to finish off the last piece, while he started off with his already-cooled mushroom soup.

After the heavy lunch, we walked around the top floor just to kill time before the movie. I am looking for Nike shoes, so we entered several shops just to check out the Nike shoes there. Some shops have beautifully-designed Nike Women shoes. Of course, they come with more expensive prices. Some shops sell the shoes with prices which are obviously a lot cheaper, but with less attractive outlook.

Then we found Tropicana Life shop, which I’ve been looking for at other places too, as I’m looking for a backpack. My previous backpack is also a product from Tropicana Life. I like it very much, comfortable and quite reliable, most importantly it’s multipurpose - allow me to fit my one-day-trip necessities, or my laptop to go Starbuck for a whole-day internet surfing, or just a usual class in campus when I need labcoat and sweater and water bottle, so I was considering to buy a TL bag again, for I like their designs too, user-friendly yet eye-catching.

After that, haa haa, we noticed there was an exhibition about wedding. No, we were not mistaken as couples-ready-for-wed.We were expecting to have a look at some new fashion bridal gown. Sadly, there was only a few dresses displayed, but some were really pretty though. Most of the stall are about the setting for their wedding dinner – garden wedding, ballroom dinner, candle light ceremony etc. Not bad. Albert said he likes his wedding to be in garden and the luncheon tables decorated like under a tent (if I heard him correctly, hee) and he also likes the bridal gown with long tail behind.

When it was time, we headed to the cinema. We’ve got ourselves a good place. Albert told me about the different views from different position in the cinema, which rows are the best, which are partly blocked, which rows are acceptable etc. He’s not called movie king for nothing I guess, I’ve never been in a cinema so often enough to know as much as he is about one, ha! But I know my seat was the best seat, for it’s next to Albert…

After movie, we started shopping for Albert’s clothes. We didn’t mean to shop for his clothes only, I just couldn’t use to the idea of me trying clothes and show it to friends and ask for ideas. I made him felt guilty though, hee hee, nah, I didn’t mean to, ok? We ended up in Jusco gents section after our visits to Bump Equipment, Diesel, Romp etc. Sorry to say, I don’t really like Romp’s men shirts, some were plain ugly. I don’t know about their new style, but for the last year’s, I just can’t agree with their style. No, Albert, the one on you that day was fine. You should be lucky it’s a simple design one, for the complicated design ones, they’re just more to rags than shirts. But I like Romp’s pants, affordable and with loads of pockets, multipurpose, again.

In Jusco, we looked around then only we picked some that we liked for Albert to try out. We? YeaI contributed some ideas too ok? It’s my first time to shop with a guy, to be accurate, to help up with a guy shopping for HIS clothes. He’s very surprised to know that it’s my first time to do this, haa, but hey, there’s a first time for everything ok. I couldn’t believe me as someone with very little sense of art and questionable taste can give some analysis-like comment about the clothes he tried out. Thanks to the debating skills I acquired from that bunch of Bangi debaters, kekeke…. Several times we picked the same clothes too. Same taste? No comment. For the entire 3 hours in gents department, the most useless yet most truthful comment from me would be... “every clothes looked good on you..” I only said it once, sincerely, to him. If I said it for too many times it’d seemed suspicious I guess. This fact shocked me too, ok? Albert doesn’t have a model standard figure, but he has broad shoulders. I just stared at him, and having hard time on what dissatisfaction to pick at next.. Or was it because of something else? I don’t wanna know…

Then we headed for dinner at McD after Albert’s finally bought himself 2 shirts and a pair of 3-quarters pants. He’s achieved his target. I ordered Happy Meal again, because it seemed like the portion served in Happy Meal suits me, some more it always comes together with toys, hee hee! It was quite late already, around 9pm something. I never dare to stay out hostel so late, especially in places like shopping mall. But like I said, everything seemed safe when Albert is around. I only worried whether or not we’ll reach my hostel before my curfew at 12 midnight, that’s it.

After dinner, we headed towards Tropicana Life shop again, to make my final decision after taking the last look at the pink bag I spotted earlier. After some discussion from Albert, I decided to “take down” the backpack! Pink bag, again? Never mind, he said it might looked good on me, hee hee, for I agree that other colours were really not to my likeness. With the sense of “gentleman” (I guess), he helped me carry the new bag, which was the only thing I bought, all the way back.

We departed back around 10:00 or 10:30 pm, with KTM. Although I was exhausted and he suggested to take cab straight from Midvalley, I still prefer to take the longer trip back, just to spend more time with him. Of course I didn’t tell him this reason. I sounded more like want to safe money hence chose the route. I surprised him with the Strepsil for sore throat which I bought it secretly earlier that day, at Watson, when he was surveying the hair gel. He was surprised, I suppose, but he said he already had it back in his room… well, hope I sent the message across… which is – I care, even if he doesn’t really have a severe sore throat, maybe not yet or just a very mild one.

At Titiwangsa Star station again, we took a cab, first to my hostel, then only his at Setapak. When I was halfway walking in my hostel, then only it occurred to me that I still owe him RM30 for the pizzas, and movies, man… I didn’t mean to forget… I was really too blurred to remember, for I was exhausted after the 12 hours outing. I’m not a shopaholic like my sister ok. Hey, it is somehow like my new record! 12 hours outing, some more with only a guy, and I got to come back safe before the curfew.

But the most precious thing is, it is a continuous 12-hours enjoyable moment in my life which I’d forever treasure *smile*.

clashes

God, You rock!

well, just something to share here about God's answer to my prayer again. i know it's God's answer because it is kinda a miracle too.

Previously, my debating trainings or tournaments always clash with my church activities, services, or even my Christian Fellowship's activities, due to the fact that most people are free on weekends, that's the best time to get people to come for some trainings (i personally take tournaments as trainings). the thing is, the basic thing as a follower of Christ is to attend church. Some people may say it's not a sin if you don't attend church. But to me, attending church and listening to sermon is important, for that's when your heart is not listening attentively to God's voice in your heart, He'll put it in an audible way, cakap terang-terang and get the message across. That's why i'd try to sleep early on Saturday night and drag myself up every Sunday morning to attend church service.

The thing is, i also view debate training very important to me too. Continuous reading on issues sure help a lot, but the saying of "practice makes perfect" still proven standing. i really need a lot of practices to speak in front of my seniors to let them correct me, method and manner wise. How my speech structure is, how my facial expression and gesture are, etc. maybe one can record his or her own speech and play it back, to correct oneself, or look at the mirror while giving a speech. something are lacking here : how well you co-operate with others? how your real performance is when you are disturbed by your jumping-up-and-down opponents who want to ask POV (point of view). it's too much to work alone. i need real people to practise with. besides, i miss those people there, although i will have to travel that far to Bangi for training...

My problem is, everytime it really clashes with activities which will help me grow spiritually. every training or tournament sure clashes with those activities. i've been asking God a lot of time why these things happened, and it appeared that God continue to challenge me on which one i choose, Him or debate. i picked debate, everytime... At the same time, i also asked God's direction, because although i chose debate rather than the activities, He still showed His great mercy on me in my debating life. such as easy opponents during match-ups in Royals. there's once also during the Royal tournament, i was asking God about this same question until i came across this sentence in Bible : ..."Do not be afraid; keep on speaking, do not be silent. For i am with you, and no one is going to attack and harm you, because i have many people in the city." [ACTS 18:9-10]. i was doing my daily Bible reading and the instant i came to this sentence, it just struck me that it's God showing me sign. It's hard to explain, but i really felt that Jesus is talking to me with His word ( He said this to Paul. ) i kept repeating the sentence. "Do not be afraid; keep on speaking..." i told myself. Yes, God, i won't stop speaking. i'll strive harder to become a good debater. i'll make You proud and i want to proove that You bless Your children in every way, even in debating! You've made me in this way at the first place. You've led me into UKM English Debating Team ever since i enter this university.

But the problem of clashes still happened. i became confused. i've been giving up chance to know God better, but He still bless me in debate... i know something wrong here. i prayed about it again. then here comes, a speedy answer too. i was suppose to attend this IIU open on last weekend 20-21 jan. then Jun Hoe who had contacted IIU people said that it's better for us to attend the coming rounds, which are on 24-25 feb and 3-4 mac. CF camp was on 20-21 jan... it clashed. at first i didn't think of going to that camp is because i have no money. although it's only RM50 per person and it's in Pulau Pangkor!! such a great place with fabulous price! another reason that pulled me back is my study. now the debating team is planning to have training once every fort night. so that very weekends suppose i'm free, should use it for my studies or clear up stuff for other activities. then came the x factor : I AM SICK. yea, am. i'm still having cough and flue, with occassional sneezing. The sore throat period had finally passed.

Anyway, come back to the clashes. So, this is the first time they didn't clash! too bad i attended neither. i went to starbuck to search for information for my assignments. i have 2 assignments at hand. thank God for the fast wireless there, i enjoyed my surf that saturday afternoon.

Then on Sunday morning, i received a message from Jerry, the one in-charge of our debate training this weekend. He's the one prefers to have it on Sunday, as well as most of the people. i was very surprise to get him informing me that the coming training will be on Saturday!! Again, they didn't clash! i can attend the training then the next day i still attend church service! at least, this time i'm more willing to travel to Bangi :)

Then on wed, I received a message from stella saying that we managed to get a van from UKM, even without a letter to support as a proof of our “legal” training, haa. That’s great.

God, i know You really care... i'm touched because You have shown me great mercy and grace. i want to thank You sincerely and want to tell the world, starting from this blog. May those with eyes can read. Amen.

feeling

Feeling

i think this word best describe my day, as i was overwhelmed with loads of feelings today. this may be a less structured post, or, well, same as usual, less structured. what's going on my mind?

19/1/07 :

as i told you, i have a crush on someone. i know it's a crush because... i realise another shadow is still inside my heart... i thought i've given him up. it's been many times i tell him and myself that i have moved on, living a life that's without him. it seems quite so, and i thought i'm doing fine with life like this, without him.

Albert has been my ex for one and a half year. it really took me some time time to move on. he knew that too, he was very sorry. but it was way after we broke up then only it occurred to me that he's actually someone sent by God, to make me leave my previous boyfriend. it's just so happened, that when we first met, we were kinda clique together already, have loads of conversation, and having really good time with each other. i personally enjoy his presence. yea, enjoy, a present tense.

maybe i sounded like a bad girl in this, i couldn't explain, i really broke up with my 1st bf. i knew my heart was not with him anymore. after a week, Albert confessed his feeling towards me. i was surprised he felt the same way too. but we were happy couple for only two days, due to some reasons. honestly, it was a really tough time for me. i had lost my direction, but i liked him so much that i'd willing to give in to him. it took me a few months to heal. for several times, i thought i was fully recovered, then it appeared to be i was just covering up the cut, it's not healed. at the last time i think i was healed, i thought it's the last stitch. i really felt like i've moved on, for some distances already, and i was happy for myself too. i can take him as a usual friend and talk with a usual tone, have some casual conversation, sms him, went out for movie with him ( only the two of us )... i really thought i was doing fine...

until today. i saw him with another friend. i know that girl's not his special someone, because that girl is taken by her senior buddy. Albert was just there to accompany her for shopping. i suddenly feel like... i missed him. all those memories just came flashing back and not to mention the emotions. i'm not jealous, i don't even feel mad, just plain sad and, emptiness. another friend and i went to timesquare today, same as Albert and Jing Xian. i didn't know they were heading there too. my heart started to jump up and down when i noticed they didn't get down at Bukit Bintang station, so the next possible station would be Imbi, where Albert always likes to watch movie during weekdays after class. i went to the sony dealer to ask something regarding my new MP3 player. then we went to Borders book store. i wasn't feeling quite well this afternoon, due to the sore throat. we did sms each other in timesquare, when i was in book store and he's accompanying Jing Xian to buy shoes. my heart was warmed by every message i received from him. we didn't meet up in time square though. when i was leaving, i also sent him a message. i didn't expect him to reply, because he used to say that some " unuseful " messages doesn't need to reply. this time, he replied. even as short as " k...". this make my heart even heavier to leave that building. why?

this is the last semester for Albert and other Medicine 2nd year friends studying in my campus. around March or April they'll be leaving to HUKM, Cheras. this is also another factor i felt quite down today. i may not be meeting him , ok, them, after this separation. i thought i can let him go just like this, without any sadness... until today. the feeling just came to me, and i can feel a clock is ticking, telling me every seconds is passing me by, do i want to do anything?

on the way back to my campus to take the shuttle bus back hostel, i kept thinking...my brain didn't stop spinning. asking the same question : is he only a friend to me? or i still have a crush on him? or ... is he more than a crush to me? why he left such an impact in my heart? i didn't feel anyhthing towards my 1st ex anymore. but for Albert, sometimes i still care about him, now i still listen to the songs he likes. after Albert, i also had a few crushes with other guys, short-lived crushes. when the feeling gone, my heart still came back to him. i thought i've wipped him out of my life when every new crushes happened. there's a period when i have no crush towards anyone, then only i was feelin "normal", haa...

just now, i sms Albert again, asking him to watch movie for the last time berofe he leaves for HUKM. i just know that i'd regret if i didn't go out with him for the last time. he says yes. should i tell him how i feel towards him? it's been so long and this feeling doesn't seem to diminish. he's heard loads of time from me about this, it's when we just broke up and he understands it's very tough for me to recover. the thing is, i used to tell him that " i think i've recovered.." now suddenly come back to the original point, i wonder what's his reaction to this...

i think, Albert's more than a crush to me...the previous crush i mention? he's just a crush.

debate training

debate training

ok, i just want to scribble (type) something here, before i give up to put them in words.

14/1/07, sunday morning, i went to Kolej Tun Hussein Onn (KTHO) in UKM, Bangi for english debate training, together with Gab and Stella. we departed from KTSN around 0845, or before 9 am.that means i woke up around 8 to get ready. and the night before i slept at 2 am sth. it's not that i want to stay up late... i kept reminding myself to sleep early, because i know i need to get up early the next day and the day ahead will really strain my brain -- to keep alertness while traveling all the way from KTSN to Bangi campus, and for the debate session. the thing is, i set my hair for the dinner ( hey, i was the MC, it'll be very akward if all the girls there set their hair nicely and me as the MC just went there with plain, straight hair ), so when i came back, i have to wash my hair, and waited an hour and plus for my hair to dry.

waking up early on sunday morning is not a problem for me, like it or not, i have to wake up this early in sundays because i'm going to church. although i knew the training is at 10 am, till know i still can't get a rough estimated time to reach there. it all depends on the traffic and the train we take. walking out from KTSN, if we didn't get to flag down any taxi, we'll have to take a 10 min walk to the nearest bus stop and take Rapid KL bus to Titiwangsa Star LRT station, which costs us RM2 with just a short distance. although the bus fare is for to and fro, we didn't get to use the back trip because by the time we come back, it'll definitely be quite dark for us to walk back from the bus station to hostel, and this spells the word "dangerous", if not "snatch thieves".

Reached Star station, we met Jo Ee, who's going to a church in Bangsar. yea, he's late for the service, haa, same as us at the end of the day. there came the train to ampang, we had to wait for the next one which headed to sri petaling. i couldn't believe we wasted quite some time in waiting Star train! it never let me down, you know, at least i never complain to travel by it because the waiting time is not significant. finally we were on the train, it took us about 20 min on the train itself to reach taman tasik selatan station. from there, we had to take KTM to reach UKM. i always dislike taking KTM, because it's a place with very high reported snatched thieves cases, and heard loads more unreported ones, told by friends. besides, it IS slow, slow in arriving and travelling. we just missed the previous one, so we waited around 15 min ++ for the next one, and travelled around 15-20 min on the train itself again. i really surprised with the fact that we've departed earlier than previous experience for debate training in Bangi but still, we were 30 min late for it! i really sorry we were late, but i hope they understand what we have gone through that morning, not to mention the money spent every time we travel to and fro like this. on transportation alone, we spent RM10 ++, which means i have to cut down expenses in other days. sometimes i like to buy the economist or newsweek when i think the articles in it might be interesting for that edition, sometimes i might like to visit Border or kinokuniya and buy some books. my resistance to purchase book is quite low, but i never regret in the books i bought, i really sure i'd like what's in the books then only i buy them, but one book can cost a lot too. yea, we can't always get what we want in our lives right?

when we reached Bangi, Jun Hoe came to fetch us. we caused him to be late too, because he waited to fetch us... sigh... as we entered the memorial room in KTHO, fea and the rest were already there. they were playing pictionariy to kill time. pictionary is my all time favourite, especially with that bunch of people, but of course, we couldn't expect to continue a round with them, because we already wasted some many people's precious time that's for debating.. of course, from what fea first said when she saw us, i know she's mad, i've expected that when we were still waiting for KTM as my watch showed 10am back at KTM station. but i really didn't mean to be late. it's not easy to estimate the time to travel with so many transaction to make. i really wish if only they'd put themselves in our shoes...yea, to counter this, just say : you can always wake up earlier to come in time, just count in the time for waiting and on train, you'll be safe. sigh... it's easy said than done.

my last round of debate before that was on 5th dec 2006, yes, during Royals debate in UiTM Kuching, Sarawak. it's good to have this training session though, or else i'll soon forget how to debate or structure my speech. but this still happened, haa, when i became the first speaker for the first round in Asian Style. i've forgotten the mechanism. i thought i've put everything in, the problem, solution, objective, feasibility, asking those why, how, and etc question to reason, left out the practicality. honestly, i didn't know what does "comprehensive" mean, and it really didn't occur to me to explain or define it a little in my case set up. and haa, i didn't even mention the motion of that round, which is the role of a prime minister, sigh...too rusty.

after that, we decided to debate in British Parliment Style. it's my first try. the 1st BP is on outsoursing, which i have no idea on what's it, but i had anthony to explain to me. next BP, we did on corporal punishment. i was the weep for closing gov and i rebutted a little, then gave an argument, haa.. i've forgotten as the 2nd speaker in closing gov team means i'm the weep, shouldn't have any point to elaborate and should rebutt all still standing arguments from the opposition and sum up the case for the gov but focus on our own closing gov. again, i cause the lost to my team. well, at least it's a lesson to remember. somehow, i just couldn't deny the fact that i became more frustrated towards the end of the debate training, with the tiresome and an unappreciated trip from KTSN still lingering in my mind. but i have to clarify here that jespreet did express her appreciation at the end of the debate.

and another factor is... i realise i have crushed on someone in the UKM english debating team... this is not something exciting because i just feel that we're not going to have spark. that's it. fear comes together with crush, because you'll always fear that your deepest secret might be revealed. either people around you notice your abnormal behaviour towards that crush or that person himself (yes, it's a he) see it in my eyes. i'm not good in hiding feeling, you see... i can keep a friend's secret if i ever promise to keep, but not my own feeling. i'm too used to not wearing mask. the worst is..in some where deep in my heart, i heard it says ... he knows. God! what is your purpose in doing this to me? attract me to debate? great, then why did You keep clashing my debate schebule with church camp or Christian acvitities previously?... You know my soft spot right at the beginning, don't You?... You knew if only he asked, i'd travel all the way to UiTM Shah Alam by myself, where i've never been and which i've never had the experience to travel that far alone yet. still i just simply gave in when he only persuaded a little. i know it's for my own good, but the problem lies here, i feel safe to follow what he said. i was confused, yet i didn't admit i have crush on him until yesterday. have mercy on my, Lord, either You allow it to work out or allow this to be kept as a secret between You and me forever, or whatever, You have my best interest in heart and You knew what's best for me.

after the training session, we went to have Kajang satay. i was the one suggesting to have food other than fast food, which KL already has abundant, because they were there suggesting fast food already, which i don't quite like. during most of the training session we had fast food as our meal, either lunch or dinner. i know it's convenient, but it's not a very firm excuse to have fast food, especially when you're not in a hurry and other restaurants are available and easily accessible. to me, fast food just unhealthy. maybe it doesn't hurt to have it once in a while, but the lesser you consume, the better for yourselves. so there we were, Kajang Satay! it's not bad la, but according to Lisa, the satay in her place, cheras, tastes better. i have no idea how cheras satay tastes like, but hope to try it one day :) i celebrate the food variation we have.

after dinner, they sent us to Kajang KTM station, so we can pay less and reach tasik selatan station with a station less. when we were on Star LRT, it rained! quite a heavy rain, and it's difficult for us to flag a taxi in this weather, plus we'll get ourselves soaked in rain while just waiting for taxi. so we called Yann Shan, but he got to pick up his bro in PJ, we called other friends, but they were not available : somebody drove his car..he's outside, not convenient to go LRT station to pick us up... alas, we managed to get a cab. when we get in the cab, then only the driver said this trip is going to cost us RM 10 !!! !!! !!! HEY! that trip normally cost at most RM3 ok ? just because it's raining and we were desparate to get home, that evil taxi driver took advantage on us !! that's not fair !!! it's such a luxurious ride. i was very mad at these things happen to us. we've paid so much for the trip, now the final attack is even worse. i hate the taxi in KL.

that's all for my debate training experience in Bangi last sunday. somebody please give me a hug?

my fave song 3

here's a song from (late) Luther Vandross, buy me a rose :-)

i like the way (late) Luther Vandross sings. in fact, i realise Black people sing very well in sentimental songs, they really make my heart melt with their songs. let's check out the lyric of the day...

He works hard to give her all he thinks she wants
But it tears her apart 'cause nothing's for her heart
He pulls in late to wake her up with a kiss goodnight
If he could only read her mind, she'd say...

Buy me a rose, call me from work
Open a door for me, what would it hurt
Show me you love me by the look in your eyes
These are the little things I need the most in my life

Now the days have grown to years of feelin' all alone
As she sits and wonders if all she's doin' is wrong
'Cause lately she'd try anything just to turn his head
Would it make a difference if she said, if she said...

Buy me a rose, call me from work
Open a door for me, what would it hurt
Show me you love me by the look in your eyes
These are the little things I need the most in my life

And the more that he lives the less that he tries
To show her the love that he holds inside
And the more that she gives the more that he sees
This is the story of you...and me

So I bought you a rose on the way home from work
To open the door to a heart that I hurt
And I hope you notice this look in my eyes
'Cause I'm gonna make things right for the rest of your life

And I'm gonna hold you tonight, tonight
Do all those little things for the rest of your life

*** very touching lyric huh? plus the feeling he sings the song, great!

places

since i was a kid, i've always liked the year end holidays, because it's the longest. due to this fact, my family and i mostly will go somewhere for a trip. a "trip" here means spending over night at tourism spot of other places, like melaka, johor ( sigh, these two places are facing great flood now, not to mention it's Christmas + new+year+coming. there goes all the festive mood of the residents there. ), genting highland, cameron highland, seremban, KL, penang island, hattyai, singapore, ipoh...i think that's all.

penang island and ipoh will be the frequent tourism spot i visit because they're the nearest. i always like penang because of the great food and i am from penang, (but mainland) so i don't have dialect difficulty.

ipoh also gives me a good impression because ipoh is a very clean place. i'm not saying other places are not, but ipoh gives me a particular strong sense of cleanliness, together with the peaceful neighbourhood as well as on the road. as if the drivers are not in a hurry, and you don't have to worry you're not fast enough to make your decision to turn left or right (since we're foreigners there). there you go, a place to real relax and escape from the hassel of cities. hmm.. why am i promoting ipoh? ennie and jun ling will be very happy to find me telling this here, but hey, they have more than ipoh chicken rice to tell you about their hometown!

however, if considering the number of times i visited, the place top in the list will be subang jaya. it's not in KL but just take it as KL ok? because when we stayed in SJ, we visited KL too. everytime my parents travel all the way from penang to KL to visit me or my sister who are (for my sister case, were) studying there, we stayed overnight in Hotel Summit Utara Subang Jaya (USJ). then the next day only go back. it's so frequent that we almost take it as our second home, haa! no, not that frequent, but believe me, all of us are quite familiar with the hotel as well as the shopping mall next to it, speaking as someone who has no sense of direction, it is an achievement. these days i don't see KL as a tourism spot because we're just merely traveling back and forth KL and penang and USJ.

i'd also be glad if kelly (my UKM debater friend) would bring me around sabah or just around her place to enjoy some delicious food, meet some friendly sabahan, visit some great places there. kelly, you got to proof that sabah has all these things! next will be Daniel (also another UKM debater) from miri, sarawak. i wonder how my childhood would've been different in sarawak because sarawak doesn't have Gardenia bread... for i had it every weekdays when i was a kid.

well, this post is not for promoting tourism, but i'm glad ( and greatly surprised ) if it will :-)

my holidays

this holiday has been a relatively great one, for I did go out with friends and family, enjoy some books, songs, movies and TV program, have enough rest and do whatever I like for the past few weeks.

The greatest memory would be my Royal debate in Kuching. I couldn’t call it a holiday trip because we didn’t really visit a lot of places in Sarawak during the tournament, although we take it as it is one. After the night we spent chatting at Bing, a café in Kuching town with cool Christmas decoration, I realize that it’s not the place itself that make it great, but the people you be with, and the things you did together, that make you remember the place, the conversations, your memorable moments in life and the atmosphere there, make you want to visit the place again. Those bunch of people really have me learnt a lot from them, effortlessly. Debating skills aside, they’ve thought me to open my heart to them, and I really enjoy every moment to be with them. Fea particularly, I find everything from her is funny, don’t know why, but she’s really adorable in every little action she did. The same goes to Alia, I’m really grateful she came back to attend this tournament with us. Just having her around is enough to make every moment enjoyable. As well as the rest of the team like Kelly, Violet, Meng Fai… ( oh, do I have to name them all? I believe they want some right to privacy.. I’ll edit the post if they leave comments to protest that their names are not here, hee! ) they really can make me laugh or smile from the bottom of my heart.

Next, after coming back home, I’ve gone to watch Dejavu at Gurney plaza in penang island with Thompson, June, and Su Yin. No, it’s not a Hindi movie, which was how I thought about the movie when June suggested it. I believe I’d enjoy a Hindi movie more if I’m watching it with my Indian friends than with non-Indian friends, because they’ll tell me more about the actor and actresses in the movie, and also I can’t really trust the subscript at times, they did glaring mistakes sometimes. We enjoyed a delicious meal from Breeks before the movie. Tasty food, comfortable atmosphere, but a little lousy service. Again, it’s the people we be with that affects our memory to it. The waiters are part of the “people” I mean here. The movie? Complicated plot, but not to the extend of confusing. I’d call it sophisticated. Jun Hoe’d hate this word, I can tell, haa haa! I find the plot an interesting one, telling a story in this way, very creative, and I find no difficulty in understanding it. On the way back we have some ice-creams from McD, with the benefit of 10% off from June’s member card. Thanks June!

And at the very next day, I received a message from Selvi, my old friend, asking for a little gathering! Now that’s what I call holiday, because every time coming back home I also expect to meet some of them and catch up with what they’re up to these days and how they’re doing in their university respectively. That night we also met Sheue Fen, a filthy rich friend who has further her study at Manchester U but will come back Malaysia EVERY holiday, about twice a year. Loaded is thy name, dear! we always have difficulty to make decisions such as where to eat etc, because our topic of conversation also deviated away, accidently. We’ve had a cheerful night. And I’ve finally bought a Sony MP3 player for myself too! I know I want it quite bad since I first saw it, but it took me quite a long time to make the yes,-now-is-the-time-to-do-it” decision. I really like it, and I can manage the transferring songs process myself, not as difficult as pei aun has describe, but I did face some problems though. Small problems whom a technophobia person like me can solve J

Again, at the very next day, dad took leave from company and brought the whole family to Queesbay mall at penang island. It’s a new mall since 1st Dec 06. there’re loads of shops haven’t open yet, June says maybe because they want to open it before Christmas. Yea, that’s the time where people have an extra reason to spend their money, or maybe just window shopping. Honestly, their Christmas decorations are quite beautiful, at least nicer than Gurney plaza. You can’t believe it? Go check it out yourself then. Gurney only has a barely visible small Christmas tree in the central concuss and some not-so-artistically-appreciated hangings from the ceiling, compare with Queensbay mall three large Christmas tree and beautiful hangings from the ceiling and the trees, the atmosphere’s greatly different. It’s been long didn’t come to penang island with family, hence I was very satisfied after the day, with my dad driving and me dozed off behind, like what I used to do when I was a child, everything just felt so good J

Other than these three events, I just spend my days with books, DVDs, TV, internet, music ( especially from my brand new MP3 player! ). Now I’m reading To Kill A Mocking Bird. It took me some pages to discover the fun in this book. Everyone saying it’s a good book, I really doubted it at the first few pages. One of the reasons is because I’m slow in interpreting when it comes to complicated sentences and tough vocabularies. After that, I’m fine, can catch up with the events happened in the book now. Another creative author. I’d say.

That’s it for today, quite a long blog already. See ya people, in my campus I guess, will be where I write my next blog.

christmas wish..

Being a Christian since this Feb, suppose this's my first "meaningful" Christmas..but now, on Christmas eve, I'm sitting here, in front of this computer, writing blog, listening to michael wong's songs. Not even in the festive mood.

I'm never in the count down for whatever occasion. May it be independant day, Chinese new year, new year. Nah..always not thinking of waiting to watch the fire works. only after a few minutes of the fire works then only drag myself to search for it. It's not that I don't like these celebrations, in fact, I'd love to join them, but some worries like security, safety etc hold me back. I don't want to be snatched, robbed, molested during the moments of count down. Maybe I need a body guard, haa..or I just need somebody?

I'm doing fine single, but not when your best friends' boyfriends replaced you in their life.. or they've had a crush on someone and their situation have reached "more than a friend" stage, honestly, it's not the same anymore. They'll talk about the one they keep thinking of, and less on themselves or..us. I can only listen then, for i don even have someone for me to have crush on, ha..pathetic? Not me, those guys around me are, ha!

Nah..I do have a little crush on someone these days. But I don't think we're gonna work though. Why I'm talking about this thing here? It'll be my biggest secrets! well, simply because nobody knows about my blog here. I'm the only visitor I guess, haa. It's the place to be myself because nobody's gonna bother what I am crapping here.

My christmas wish? I'd wish for a friend who'd invite me to their christmas celebration next year, may it be in a church or family, to really feel that I am celebrating the birthday of Jesus Christ.

Merry Christmas everyone. Have a blessed and warm Christmas fill with joy and love! And to Jesus, happy birthday :-)

my fave song2

this is another song's lyric which i just found, from lite fm's lyric station too. you may notice both my fave song1 and my fave song2 are songs that are quite old. well, like i say, they stay in heart no matter what. i simply like the lyrics and the passion of the singers when they sang the songs. i've been loving these songs since few years back. thompson says his favourite songs changed every week. mine? they'll change, but not all :-)

Dying Inside To Hold You ---- Timmy Thomas

It's turning out just another day
I took a shower and I went on my way
I stopped there as usual
had a coffee and pie
when i turned to leave
i couldn't believe my eyes

standing there i didn't know what to say
without one touch
we stood there face to face

Chorus
(And) i was dying indside to hold you
i couldn't believe what i felt for you
dying inside i was dying inside
but i couldn't bring myself to touch you

you said hello then u asked my name
i didn't know if i should go all the way
inside i felt my life have really changed
i knew that it would never be the same

standing there i didn't know what to say
first time looked away when i whispered your name

Chorus 2x

one hello changed my life
i didn't believe in love at first sight
but you've shown me what is life
and I now i know my love
(i know it's coming right)

Chorus (fade)

my fave song1

this is one of the songs that will always be my favourite. i've copied it from lite FM's lyric station. maybe in future i'll post up more lyrics. i post the lyric of this song first because it really touches my heart everytime i hear it. try to spend some time to read it, will ya?

Butterfly Kisses ---Bob Carlisle

There's two things I know for sure
She was sent here from heaven
and she's daddy's little girl.
As I drop to my knees by her bed at night
She talks to Jesus and I close my eyes
andI thank god for all the joy in my life
Oh, but most of all

For butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer;
Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair;
"Walk beside the pony, Daddy, it's my first ride."
"I know the cake looks funny, Daddy, but I sure tried."
Oh, with all that I've done wrong,
I must have done something right
To deserve a hug every morning
And butterfly kisses at night.

Sweet 16 today
She's looking like her mama a little more everyday
One part woman, the other part girl.
To perfume and make-up from ribbons and curls
Trying her wings out in a great big world.
But I remember

Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer;
Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair.
"You know how much I love you, Daddy,
But if you don't mind I'm only gonna kiss you on the cheek this time.
"With all that I've done wrong I must have done
Something right to deserve her love every morning
And butterfly kisses at night.

All the precious time
Like the wind, the years go by.
Precious butterfly
Spread your wings and fly.

She'll change her name today.
She'll make a promise and I'll give her away.
Standing in the bride-room just staring at her.
She asked me what I'm thinking and I said
"I'm not sure-I just feel like I'm losing my baby girl."
She leaned over.gave me butterfly kisses with her mama there,
Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair"
Walk me down the aisle, Daddy-it's just about time."
"Does my wedding gown look pretty, Daddy? Daddy, don't cry"
Oh, with all that I've done wrong I must have done something right.
To deserve her love every morning and butterfly kisses
I couldn't ask God for more, man this is what love is.

I know I've got to let her go, but I'll always remember
Every hug in the morning and butterfly kisses.